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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be utterly confused at getting this message from ex-P's mother?!

66 replies

LRDtheFeministDragon · 16/12/2011 11:40

I have just received a Christmas card from my ex's mother. She has never sent me one before, not even (IIRC) when we were together. It has the message 'Happy Christmas - I hope you are well. I never really knew what happened with you and [her son's name], but I hope you felt welcome at our house. Best wishes for the New Year'.

WTF?

Is it code?

Bit of history: ex and I lived together for just over a year. They never once came to visit (it was a looong way, several hundred miles, but I would have appreciated it). My parents who live a few miles from them also invited them over a few times while I was home - they never came. My ex is not, I will admit, my favourite person as he owes me a substantial amount of money and has told me I will never see it, and he basically treated me like shite. I got the impression during the relationship his family didn't especially like me and I wasn't their kind of person, but they were reasonably civil. I've not heard a word from them since we split up, and DH and I got married over a year ago all of this should be ancient history.

What the fuck is going on? Do you think someone said something to her, or she's having a crisis of conscience, or something has happened to make her want to know why we split up? I am just utterly confused! It's not as if I've spoken to any mutual friends about my ex for ages - we barely have any mutual friends and those we do don't speak much to him any more.

OP posts:

ViviPrudolf · 16/12/2011 11:41

Sounds as though she's just had an inexplicable fit of festive pique

MrsTwinks · 16/12/2011 11:43

I would assume that something has happened causing a crisis of conscience as you say. Dont read too much into it, see it as a sign shes realised maybe she wasnt as kind/nice/welcoming to you (perhaps everyone and not just you) as she could have and wishes she had been and leave it at that.

Original poster

LRDtheFeministDragon · 16/12/2011 11:44

Well inexplicable is bloody right vivi!

I don't mind or anything, I don't find it offensive so much as funny, but I just know I am going to be wondering for days what the heck she was expecting as a response.

'Hi, yes, your son and I did split up - because he's a total cock. Oh and he owes me two grand. Ta now'.

Would that do?

OP posts:

Original poster

LRDtheFeministDragon · 16/12/2011 11:47

Oh, shite, I just realized ... I don't even know how she got my address?!

OP posts:

frumpet · 16/12/2011 11:52

Maybe she has just found out that he has been telling her a pack of lies about why you split up and he owes her loads of money too ? I want to know what sort of person you are to make you not their sort ? nothing to do with op just nosy

addictediam · 16/12/2011 11:52

Maybe the new dil is a nightmare and shes missing you? or he's broken up with the new girl and shes realising how much of an idiot her son is?

frumpet · 16/12/2011 11:52

Is it because you are a dragon ?

Miette · 16/12/2011 11:54

Maybe her son has met someone really awful and she is thinking "If only we'd made more of an effort with LRD. She was a lot better than this new one." Or maybe her son is still on his own and her friends' kids are getting maqrried and she is thinking "I wonder if that nice LRD would get back with my son if i am a bit more welcoming to her."

Original poster

LRDtheFeministDragon · 16/12/2011 12:01

frumpet it is because I am a dragon!

No, it's because they are a farming family and very into women in traditional roles, and I am, well, not! I'm still a student at 27 and I am sure they think it's all a huge waste of time. They weren't especially horrible to me or anything, just kind of quietly patronizing (I remember his mum explaining veeeeerrrry slloooowly how to cook roast potatoes ... I've been cooking dinner since my early teens, I know how to cook roasties! ).

I like the theory he's with a new horrible girl but I'm pretty sure not - as far as I know he's still with the girl he cheated on me with, who's someone we both went to school with. They don't especially adore her either but she's not new!

OP posts:

thepeoplesprincess · 16/12/2011 12:07

Reason No.1 not to write your Xmas cards after you've been at the cooking sherry.

Original poster

LRDtheFeministDragon · 16/12/2011 12:12

Indeed. Considering whether to write one back now or just pretend I never got it!

OP posts:

Lexie1970 · 16/12/2011 12:21

For the sake of being civil and 'grown up' send a card back and put nothing more than enjoy Christmas and Best Wishes and leave it at that.

Shows you have no hard feelings and for the cost of a stamp and a card it does mean that you will not have this hanging over your head. If you are quick you will make last post!!!

fewcloudy · 16/12/2011 12:24

Maybe they didn't especially like you because you use words like 'fuck' and 'cock' and 'shite' quite a lot...

Assuming that's just who you are, then I'm afraid if you were my DIL you probably wouldn't be 'my type of person' either.

Still doesn't help as to why the card appeared though...

TardlyWhiptrack · 16/12/2011 12:24

I'd write one back:

Hi Brenda, lovely to hear from you. What a blast from the past. Yes I am well, as you may know I am now happily married. In return I'd like you to know that I always liked you and your family and was always sad that it was too far for you to come and visit me and Norbert when we lived together. It's good to hear that you are well.

Since you've raised the subject I feel that it's not inappropriate to be honest with you. Norbert wasn't the nicest person to me - as you may know his relationship with Shagronella started before ours finished. He also owes me over £5000 which he has told me that he intends to never pay back.

I'm sorry if it is embarassing for you and your family for this money to be owed although of course it is Norbert's business not yours. But this of course will tell you why he is a person I no longer wish to have as a friend.

Best wishes and I hope this card answers some questions for you. I hope you and the family have a lovely Christmas and New Year,

Love

LRD

Why not give it a go? You don't care what they think, I'd choose to take a punt at getting some of the cash back :)

TardlyWhiptrack · 16/12/2011 12:25

Fewcloudy - you sound like a barrel of laughs...

TheRealTillyMinto · 16/12/2011 12:27

LRD - whether you like it or not, you have been elevated in exPM's eyes by some action unknown!

i would send a card back but then that is because i am v nosey and would like to fish for information....

savoycabbage · 16/12/2011 12:28

Yep, do that.

TardlyWhiptrack · 16/12/2011 12:29

at Action Unknown

Yes Shagronella has been sent to room 101 for some misdeed I reckon and Auntie Bessie is ruefully realising that she'd rather be handing YOU the plate of roasties this Xmas.

Now's your chance to scoop the cash.

Kewcumber · 16/12/2011 12:34

"Maybe they didn't especially like you because you use words like 'fuck' and 'cock' and 'shite' quite a lot."

Actually that hits the nail on the head I'll bet, you said fuck cock and shite repeatedly when you saw them didn't you... admit it.

It matters not that they managed to raise said fucking cock who was shite to you, as long as you find a more genteel way to phrase it on an internet forum then all will be forgiven and you can be welcomed back into the bosom of the 1950's.

(actually I'm pretty sure they said fuck and shite in the 1950's too)

ViviPrudolf · 16/12/2011 12:40

fewcloudy has inspired me to create a disapproving MiL sockpuppet for threads like these.

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 16/12/2011 12:54

Vivi

Original poster

LRDtheFeministDragon · 16/12/2011 13:26

I do swear quite a lot ... being an adult woman ... but honestly you really don't know farmers if you think that would bother them!!! I didn't swear in front of them much but the air could be blue sometimes, I promise you.

tardy - I love it! Especially 'shagronella'. TBH it's not really her fault, he didn't bother to tell her we were still living together and she only realized quite a lot later on!

I admit I am now kinda tempted to send something back but also just cringing at the whole thing.

OP posts:

SnapesMistressofMerriment · 16/12/2011 13:33

Oh go on, it'll be a larf. :o

MustControlMincepieOfDeath · 16/12/2011 13:33

at Tardy's suggestion

I wouldn't have the bottle though and would just send a card back saying thank you for the card, lovely to hear from you, hope you have a super Christmas etc etc

MustControlMincepieOfDeath · 16/12/2011 13:36

oops at incorrect use of Tardly's name, I'm sure you're never tardy

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