to be utterly confused at getting this message from ex-P's mother?!

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

I have just received a Christmas card from my ex's mother. She has never sent me one before, not even (IIRC) when we were together. It has the message 'Happy Christmas - I hope you are well. I never really knew what happened with you and [her son's name], but I hope you felt welcome at our house. Best wishes for the New Year'.

WTF?

Is it code?

Bit of history: ex and I lived together for just over a year. They never once came to visit (it was a looong way, several hundred miles, but I would have appreciated it). My parents who live a few miles from them also invited them over a few times while I was home - they never came. My ex is not, I will admit, my favourite person as he owes me a substantial amount of money and has told me I will never see it, and he basically treated me like shite. I got the impression during the relationship his family didn't especially like me and I wasn't their kind of person, but they were reasonably civil. I've not heard a word from them since we split up, and DH and I got married over a year ago all of this should be ancient history.

What the fuck is going on? Do you think someone said something to her, or she's having a crisis of conscience, or something has happened to make her want to know why we split up? I am just utterly confused! It's not as if I've spoken to any mutual friends about my ex for ages - we barely have any mutual friends and those we do don't speak much to him any more.

Guys come on!! This is NOT a thread about LRD's exP 's mother, and her festive booze fuelled missives. It's about fewcloudy's views on swearing online. Can we PLEASE get back on topic??

Ahhh .... you might be onto something there lifechanger, that makes sense.

I'd certainly rather think that than that she's dying!

charity - yes, I really should apologize for my derailing OP, shouldn't I?

But to the fucks and cocks I guess.

Ahh I hope folks don't think that my suggested email was bitchy or that I thought MIL was being snide! - t'was tongue in cheek, and more focused on that fact that if he owes you a lot of money, why not say so! - I didn't think that that was a mean thing to do to the MIL IYSWIM.

Agree that she was either fishing for info OR simply had a moment of oddness.

'
TBH the temptation to send the bitchy message comes from me having a massive judgypants wedgie about her bringing her son up to behave like that, but then maybe she doesn't know.'

• Fair do's. I maintain, though, that you could if you wished send a message letting her know about the money WITHOUT necessarily being mean or bitchy to her. She's asked, if you feel like it, tell her! In a nice way.

Incidentally I'm glad Shagronella is not to blame and was actually Dupedronella.

Also incidentally I love the typos on this thread. Moving into typo land I completely see why OP 'can't quite get why she'd suddenly send me a car when she's never done it before.' - yes it is rather a bombshell, but I'd take the gift in good part and definitely 'as an olive albeit a rather cryptic one' as Yule says.

When people ask 'Lovely new car, was it a Christmas present' you can say 'No, this is my cryptic olive'.

Sorry, yes, and I typo'd (or rather misread) your name earlier too!

I didn't think your message was bitchy, just funny. There is a bit of me (the bit I try not to let out, obviously) that does momentarily want to snarl back 'no, it's not ok, your son is a tosser' but honestly, I'm not remotely likely to do it and TBH I think the suggestion to reply to her and sign off with mine and DH's married names is the best option.

I didn't mean this thread to get nasty or into the anti-MIL mood ... I just thought it was funny in a gossipy way, because I kind of want to know what on earth motivated her.

Sorry ... I always end up double posting, I'm rubbish ... I don't honestly think I could bring up the money now without risking a kerfuffle. Don't get me wrong, I would love to have the money back but I made a conscious decision to stop agonizing about it and just cut all contact with the ex and I think it was the right one, so I don't want to get into it all again. It would involve showing her a shedload of photocopies of bank statements that my ex demanded and her matching those to his to see where the money went, and TBH I do not remotely trust him to be honest about it all. If she knows because he's told her or something like that, fine.

Loving the cryptic olive - sorry about that, really should proofread!

Was only kidding about her dying. Suspect lifechanger has hit on the truth. Ex: "New girlfriend never feels welcome here mum"
M: "I always make here feel welcome. Why would you be so unkind?"
Ex: "LRD never felt welcome either. You're always the same."

Well! It comes to something when somebody does something decent and they are suspected of an ulterior motive of some kind. Depressing tbh. She's not your ex, she's your ex's mother and, as she says, doesn't know why you split and wishes you well. There are plenty of people out here who would dearly love to receive good wishes from someone late in the day but it's rare that it is forthcoming - even when someone has regrets it's hardly ever that they are expressed. Why not take it at face value for the very decent thing it looks to be?

Send her a card back, wishing her well and a merry christmas etc. You don't have to gush, just acknowledge her goodness by replying.

you're not the only one who can double-post btw

Who's suspecting her of ulterior motives?

I just want to know what's motivated her at all! I mean, has she heard that her son owes me money ... has she had a row with his current GF and wants my perspective on what she's like as a MIL figure ... was she just feeling merry?

I am surprised by it because it is out of character. That doesn't mean I can't believe it's not simply a nice gesture - it just means I'm surprised. FWIW I wouldn't be remotely surprised if my other long-term ex's mothers got in touch, as she and I got on and it'd make sense. I'm just saying I didn't expect it from this woman and it's natural to wonder if she's trying to ask something with her leading comment.

Could she have only recently found out you were married and felt that because you were now married it was appropriate to say something?

She may have only just realised your ex was a tit and suddenly felt for you?

maybe his mother just realised what a lovely girl you were compared to new lady? hopes of getting you both back togather?

ulterior motives as in something other than wishing you well.

The 'new lady' has been around since summer 2008, slightly before he and I split up - they've therefore been together rather longer than we were and I really doubt she's hoping he and I get back together!

But I get the picture - I'm gravitating towards thinking it may be a combination of the reasons suggested in this thread and think I will just reply quite blandly, if at all.

Sorry, cross-posted. I understand - I was thinking part of her motive might be in her commenting on whether or not I felt welcome in her home, is all.

If she'd just sent a card with 'best wishes' I would probably have been less curious!