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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask dp to send back a sarky e-mail??

83 replies

ginmakesitallok · 15/12/2011 20:26

Last night DP got a phonecall from his Mum - urgently asking for his e-mail address. DP gave it to her - and being him he didn't ask her what it was for. Today he got an e-mail from his Uncle telling him that he's found someone with the same (unusual) surname on a family tree website from country of DGGs birth. Whoop de fucking doo. Anyway - I want DP to reply saying that he's found 300 people from lots of different countries with Uncle's (pretty common) surname Grin AIBU?

To put this in context - DPs grandfather was an immigrant during WW1. When we came back on hols a few years ago to the country of GGF's birth we were asked by family whether we'd met any relatives? When we said no, we weren't looking, we were asked why we didn't just look up the name in a phone book Confused We dont know where in country DGG was from and aren't really 100% sure that he was from this country (and aren't particularly bothered!)

OP posts:
bluerodeo · 15/12/2011 20:30

your uncle is obviously excited about this and wanted to share it with you - why piss on his parade? why on earth would you send a nasty email back?

I don't get it, it's just mean

isithometimeyet · 15/12/2011 20:30

Is this about the phone call or is this about your feelings about your MIL?

If the latter, yes. Just be frank with yourself about how you feel about her. Much more interesting, and it might open up something positive.

thepeoplesprincess · 15/12/2011 20:30

You really need to work on your social skills.

slavetofilofax · 15/12/2011 20:32

Why would you want to send a sarly email back? Isn't humoring old and slightly boring relatives part of normal life?

RedHotSanta · 15/12/2011 20:33

OP you sound quite unnecessarily mean!

troisgarcons · 15/12/2011 20:34

I really don't see why you are getting your knickers in a twist over someone thinking they are being kind.

Bobbish · 15/12/2011 20:35

The Uncle is obviously keen to trace back the family roots, and found this new piece of information exciting and thought your DH might be interested.

My parents are avidly tracing back our family tree and I do think it is interesting to learn about where my ancestors lived and what they did. (no long lost inheritances yet, but an interesting criminal element to one side, along with deportations to Australia)

If you are not interested, then just leave it - no need to send a sarky response. It would only cause upset.

TheSpreadingChestnutTree · 15/12/2011 20:36

What's specifically is your problem?

QuintessentiallyFestive · 15/12/2011 20:37

eh?

Why would you want to hurt an old man who is excited about something?

I recently ended up passing through the village my dad was born, and he asked me if I minded popping by the Church to look up the family tree. It meant a lot to him. Why would I object? We made an exciting outing out to rather old and pretty village church on the remote island of Senja, on the coast of Norway. Fantastic.

You sound rather mean and shallow.

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 15/12/2011 20:39

thanks - my social skills are grand ta. It's just that although it's an unusual name here, it's not an unusual name in that country - so a quick google will come up with thousands of people with that surname. I just thought it was a bit odd to phone MIL to get his e-mail address late at night so he could tell him he found someone with his surname?

My feelings about my MIL?? Confused My MIL is the best MIL in the world and I love her to bits thanks??

My knickers are firmly untwisted - it was just a thought! And one that's disappeared now.

OP posts:
Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 15/12/2011 20:39

Uncle is not an "old man" - think he's in his 50s

OP posts:
SpaghettiTwirlerPrancerVixen · 15/12/2011 20:40

That sounds really quite horrible of you. Why not at least pretend to be interested?

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 15/12/2011 20:40

Sorry - lots of x-posts. The person Uncle found wasn't on the family tree - he was just a random bloke with the same surname

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 15/12/2011 20:44

Your social skills are far from grand. You sound like a right cow.

CaptainMartinCrieff · 15/12/2011 20:53

Either way gin there's no need to be rude. Incidentally he's your DP's uncle, not yours and your DP's family, not yours so maybe you should mind your own business? Sad

GlueSticksEverywhere · 15/12/2011 21:10

Why be so horrible? The uncle obviously doesn't realise that google would come up with thousands of people with the same name. Why be nasty to him just because of something he doesn't know but you do? Are you always such a bitch to people who aren't as clued up as you?

isithometimeyet · 15/12/2011 21:15

ginmakesitallok

Will you please do yourself a favour?

Copy this page into Word

Print it out

Put it in a drawer

Wait until you're an old lady (yep, it's going to happen, sweetheart, even to you)

Re-read it

Feel Pretty.Damn.Sweaty.Down.The.Back.Of.Your.Neck.Ashamed.

Go on, please gin. Do it. I can wait.

hiddenhome · 15/12/2011 21:19

You are really horrible OP.

I've just recently located some long lost relatives on genesreunited and we're all over the moon that we've found each other and are in contact. I didn't even know they existed up until a few weeks ago. I have no other birth family so this means a lot to me - they're in the same position.

You're totally mean.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourMincePies · 15/12/2011 21:22

I don't think it needs a sarky email back.

It perhaps wasn't an urgent message but...so?

Uncle is researching the family tree and got a bit over-excited, you and your DH don't really care about the family tree and aren't bothered that he found someone with the same surname.

Won't kill either of you to send a short message back saying "That's really interesting, wonder if he's related?" and leave it at that.

My real maiden name is not that unusual but it's also not that common here either (perhaps more so in Scotland) and I like it when I spot someone else who has it.

GlueSticksEverywhere · 15/12/2011 21:27

There is a good chance as well that he asked you MIL for the email address, didn't say it was urgent or anything but she called straight away anyway.

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 15/12/2011 21:30

Should maybe have mentioned that it's DPs fathers family rather than mothers/uncles.

Hidden - sorry if my post has come across as "lessening" your experience in any way, it wasn't meant to.

Captain - DPs family IS my family - so it IS my business???

isithometimeyet - I am well on my way to being an old lady already.

I'm honestly not a cow! I haven't even mentioned it to DP and he will write back a suitably excited response.

OP posts:
tentative123 · 15/12/2011 21:31

no dont send it. it's not friendly and not good for familial relations.

isithometimeyet · 15/12/2011 21:35

isithometimeyet - I am well on my way to being an old lady already.

Astonishing. Age really is wasted on some people.

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 15/12/2011 21:50

isithometimeyet - jesus! i think you are drawing a few too many conclusions from a post on an internet forum?

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 15/12/2011 21:54

Gin you were the one thought it worthy of posting?