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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask dp to send back a sarky e-mail??

83 replies

ginmakesitallok · 15/12/2011 20:26

Last night DP got a phonecall from his Mum - urgently asking for his e-mail address. DP gave it to her - and being him he didn't ask her what it was for. Today he got an e-mail from his Uncle telling him that he's found someone with the same (unusual) surname on a family tree website from country of DGGs birth. Whoop de fucking doo. Anyway - I want DP to reply saying that he's found 300 people from lots of different countries with Uncle's (pretty common) surname Grin AIBU?

To put this in context - DPs grandfather was an immigrant during WW1. When we came back on hols a few years ago to the country of GGF's birth we were asked by family whether we'd met any relatives? When we said no, we weren't looking, we were asked why we didn't just look up the name in a phone book Confused We dont know where in country DGG was from and aren't really 100% sure that he was from this country (and aren't particularly bothered!)

OP posts:
PosiesofPoinsettia · 16/12/2011 08:21

You can report every name calling post OP.

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 16/12/2011 08:21

No. She's being defensive because people have been attacking her personally - you know personal attacks still count even in this topic.

Getting a late night phone call 'urgently' asking for your DP's email address, wondering what was wrong and being greeted the next day by the news that Shock there are people with the same surname as your DP's grandfather would make me feel like writing a sarky email. That's not at all unreasonable. Sending it would be, but I don't think you were actually going to do that were you?

Floggingmolly · 16/12/2011 08:24

Jesus Gin you sought the opinions of faceless strangers on the Internet, and now you're trying to belittle anyone who answered for their prurient interest in your "mere fleeting thought"!!!!!! Keep your thoughts to yourself if you don't want nosy people commenting, especially when they're as downright nasty as this one Xmas Hmm

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 16/12/2011 08:24

Thank-you Mildlynarkypuffin - if only you'd worded my OP.

OP posts:
Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 16/12/2011 08:26

Yes Flogging - I don't think I've belittled anyone?? I've just pointed out I'm not a cow??

OP posts:
KittyFane · 16/12/2011 08:27

You are twisting things OP, turning yourself into a victim after being attacked for being VU yourself.
Hate it when people do this.
For clarification:

You ask if it would be U to be nasty and effectively take the P out of a relative who was trying to be kind.

People say YABU, you sound awful and should be grateful for your family.

You start complaining because people are being nasty to you.

Boo Hoo.

WifiNappies · 16/12/2011 08:27

But Puffin, it was MIL who made the urgent call, not Uncle. So uncle doesn't deserve a nasty email back.

I agree I'd be annoyed with MIL for calling late at night about fuck all (I have one like that...), but that's a whole other thread surely.

valiumredhead · 16/12/2011 08:28

No, really, why on earth would you piss on someone's parade when they were obviously excited? Confused

ThatsNotSantasBabyBelly · 16/12/2011 08:29

So it would be like your uncle telling you he had found someone in Wales with your GGF name - only to find out the name was Jones. Is that what you mean?

I might roll my eyes privately, I wouldn't send an email back taking the piss though. Why rain on his parade?

runningwilde · 16/12/2011 08:29

No of course not! But the comments abot how your way of thinking is pretty horrible is accurate. Look, you probably set out to write a witty thread but it has backfired a bit and your thought on this is not nice so the best thing to do is have a good think about this, accept you haven't been very nice and forget about this thread. Give yourself a name change and don't worry about what people on an Internet forum think, but you should care that you wanted to respond in that way to that email although like I said I do suspect your thread was, like I said, slightly tongue in cheek. Aibu is notorious for the slaying you can get so don't worry too much about it!

I didn't read the parts where people said you deserve to lose your family, if they said that, them of course that is totally stupid and nasty.

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 16/12/2011 08:47

I think it's a general reaction to the call and the fact that 'the family' (presumably including MIL) were surprised that the OP didn't trawl through the phonebook when she went on holiday to the country.

I don't think she was actually going to send the email. I think she was venting.

mummytime · 16/12/2011 08:53

YABU why be nasty?
My surname is very English BTW, but unusual here. If you go to certain parts of the US there are whole towns with my surname.

KittyFane · 16/12/2011 12:11

I don't think she was actually going to send the email. I think she was venting.
In that case, OP YABU to waste time 'venting' about this. :(

OrmIrian · 16/12/2011 12:13

How odd.

Do you often like to pour cold water on other people's excitement?

Flisspaps · 16/12/2011 12:15

I don't see why you would even briefly consider sending a sarcastic response, or why you'd feel the need to 'vent' about this though?

fuzzynavel · 16/12/2011 12:18

Blimey OP.

Have a feeling there are other things going on here. Confused

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 16/12/2011 12:55

What other things fuzzy? Other things with me or other things with other posters?? I really didn't think it was a huge deal when I did the OP - but I've obviously hit a lot of nerves, which I didn't mean to. I didn't want to rain on anyone's parade, or pour cold water on any excitement and I wasn't even particularly venting.

Uncles e-mail didn't convey any "excitement" - it just stated "I've found someone with "DP" surname in "other country" on this website". Like mentioned above it was the equivalent of saying "I've found someone with the surname Jones in Wales on this website"

Surely thinking this was a bit daft and considering a sarky response may have been unreasonable but doesn't (on its own!) make me an evil human being?

OP posts:
fuzzynavel · 16/12/2011 13:10

No, OP it doesn't make you evil. I just hoped that there was some sort of history that had been omitted to make you want to do this Sad

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 16/12/2011 13:11

Now I hope you've learned your lesson young lady.

AIBU is not for venting or getting out frustrations. It's only for Very Serious Things.

Some people don't have uncles to fill their time and have to make do with attacking strangers online.

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 16/12/2011 13:12

And excellent use of passive agressive Sad there.

fuzzynavel · 16/12/2011 13:15
Grin
fuzzynavel · 16/12/2011 13:16

Anger comes in many forms Wink

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 16/12/2011 13:59

Mildly, yes lesson learnt. And also reminded of cardinal rule of aibu- under no circumstances wilt thou attempt to defend yourself on aibu, if thou dost thou art being defensive and precious. Just sit and take it quietly.

OP posts:
fuzzynavel · 16/12/2011 14:10

Just a learning curve op.

Gin makes it all ok for me too [drink]

fuzzynavel · 16/12/2011 14:10

see - that should have been Wine

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