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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask dp to send back a sarky e-mail??

83 replies

ginmakesitallok · 15/12/2011 20:26

Last night DP got a phonecall from his Mum - urgently asking for his e-mail address. DP gave it to her - and being him he didn't ask her what it was for. Today he got an e-mail from his Uncle telling him that he's found someone with the same (unusual) surname on a family tree website from country of DGGs birth. Whoop de fucking doo. Anyway - I want DP to reply saying that he's found 300 people from lots of different countries with Uncle's (pretty common) surname Grin AIBU?

To put this in context - DPs grandfather was an immigrant during WW1. When we came back on hols a few years ago to the country of GGF's birth we were asked by family whether we'd met any relatives? When we said no, we weren't looking, we were asked why we didn't just look up the name in a phone book Confused We dont know where in country DGG was from and aren't really 100% sure that he was from this country (and aren't particularly bothered!)

OP posts:
MonkeyTastic · 15/12/2011 22:59

I think I get what you mean Gin.

The only thing more sinfully dull that having to look at other peoples holiday photographs is having the crap bored out of you hearing about their family tree.

And it's always about their family too isn't it, like you were grown in a lab Xmas Grin

But don't send the email!

xyfactor · 16/12/2011 04:12

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skybluepearl · 16/12/2011 07:06

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KittyFane · 16/12/2011 07:15

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KittyFane · 16/12/2011 07:21

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LoveInAColdClimate · 16/12/2011 07:23

Shock Why would you even think of doing something so nasty? You sound like a dreadful person!

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 16/12/2011 07:24

There is absolutely no need to send a sarky reply, unless you wish the man to find out just what you are really like.

PosiesofPoinsettia · 16/12/2011 07:25

What's the real issue? You seem pretty annoyed about something tiny....

Are you okay OP?

ContraryMartha · 16/12/2011 07:36

Gosh you have copped a pasting. Not sure why...
I don't think you are horrible or anything of the sort. I think you were bemused at their naivety, right?

WifiNappies · 16/12/2011 07:38

I can only wish DH and I had uncles etc who were as interested in our life, and being in contact, as yours is.

It would be truly horrible to respond in the way you suggest.

KittyFane · 16/12/2011 07:41

Posies
OP read her DP's e-mail and thought that it contained useless information.
Instead of thinking 'oh well', OP wants to send a sarky e-mail back to basically take the piss.
Are you trying to kill her with kindness?

Acekicker · 16/12/2011 07:44

Wow! How would you have reacted if you experienced what happened to me - my son's birth announcement was in a national newspaper 'notices' column and gave my maiden name (which was pretty rare). A few weeks later I got a letter from the editor forwarding on a beautiful handwritten note from someone with the same surname who was tracing his family tree. He sent me lots of details about family he'd traced and asked if I would mind sending him some info about mine. Me and my dad wrote a reply and then the guy wrote back to us one more time thanking us profusely - he'd filled in another 'bit' of the tree with our side and reckoned he'd only need to go back 1 or 2 more generations to link them up.

I thought it was a lovely thing, no harm was done to anyone and we made someone feel happy - why on earth would the automatic response be sarcasm... Xmas Sad

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 16/12/2011 07:49

tbh, I find this family tree stuff a bit tedious too

but I wouldn't send that email

and I would keep my gob shut

Maiavan · 16/12/2011 07:56

Finding out about family trees, etc is quite an important thing to very many people.

I suspect you have to get to the right maturity level to realise family is important or to respect people who do think it is. You still seem to be at the "live for the day, to hell with everyone else" stage. Relax, you will mature one day.

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 16/12/2011 07:59

I considered briefly a sarcastic response to an e-mail, and because of that I am a cow, atwat, a bitch, an old hag, I have problems with my mil and I deserve to lose my family??? I would have accepted yabu..

OP posts:
MudAndGlitter · 16/12/2011 08:03

I phoned my nan at half 11 the other night to tell her I've finally been able to trace her dads side of the tree Blush
Some people are interested!

TandB · 16/12/2011 08:04

Another one here who can't possibly understand why you would be so annoyed about this that you would consider sending something that would inevitably hurt someone's feelings and probably cause bad feeling.

I have researched my family tree and I am in contact with several older relatives who have been doing it for years and are always excited about any possible new information. Sometimes the stuff they send is relevant, sometimes it isn't - it would be unbelievably spiteful to send back a snotty email basically saying "you are a bit stupid and irrelevant".

KittyFane · 16/12/2011 08:05

I considered briefly a sarcastic response to an e-mail
Good try OP, you made a new thread, hardly a fleeting thought.

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 16/12/2011 08:08

Sorry, didn't realise that threads were only for well thought out, character defining stuff.

OP posts:
ViviPrudolf · 16/12/2011 08:09

So let's just calm down and clarify things, OP. You say the uncle sent an email telling DP he's found someone on a website with the family name living in the supposed country of origin. Ok.

Then what?

Is there a call-to-action? Does he want your DP to chase it up? Because if he does, then given the circs you've outlined, your Hmm face is understandable to a degree. If he's looking for nothing more than a bit of reciprocated excitement from DP then it can't do any harm to humour him somewhat? Pointing out gently that while 'yes it could be exciting, but let's not get our hopes up' is kinder and more useful than a sarcastic response?

Maiavan · 16/12/2011 08:10

No you can post what you like and others can respond as they like.

KittyFane · 16/12/2011 08:11

You are now defensive because other people haven't agreed with you and said "yeh, OP, what an old idiot, clogging up precious e-mail space with useless trivia"
Pffft.

runningwilde · 16/12/2011 08:16

Nasty, defensive, precious and having a hard time taking (justified) criticism

Yeah you sound like a peach Hmm

Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 16/12/2011 08:18

No - I'm defensive because of what I put in my thread above! I accept that IWBU, I accept that it could have been hurtful etc etc. What I DON'T accept is that on the basis of a fleeting thought I am a cow, a twat who deserves to lose her family etc etc etc.

I DIDN'T send a sarky e-mail - I briefly considered it. People have threatened murder on here and got off with less of a pasting!

OP posts:
Original poster
ginmakesitallok · 16/12/2011 08:19

Running - justified??? Justified?? So you agree with posters above that for considering a sarky e-mail I deserve to lose my family???Confused

OP posts:
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