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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this book inappropriate for dd, 6

76 replies

Molehillmountain · 15/12/2011 17:14

Holiday reading sent home-one of dds is about a couple about to separate through daughters eyes. The mum is tired and tearful a lot and the dad no fun because he's always looking tired-our family at the moment but we're not about to separate -we just have a five month old dd. I know it's maybe a bit precious but I think issues like that are for families to talk about unprompted by the reading books or for phse lessons. Don't want dd mothering over it however amicable their split is because it's not happening here.

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 15/12/2011 17:15

But it might be happening to one of her friends and it might help her to deal with her friends emotions.

MudAndGlitter · 15/12/2011 17:16

YABU. DS brought home a book about 2 homes and it just made him aware that it happens and some people don't have a mum and dad that live together

jeee · 15/12/2011 17:17

Why not just read another book with your DD? Send it back to the school with a polite explanation. I suspect it was simply one of a pile of books at the right reading level.

AFuckingFestiveKnackeredWoman · 15/12/2011 17:18

now it will do no harm for you daughter to find out what happens if parents split

usualsuspect · 15/12/2011 17:18

Your username is appropriate

IndigoBell · 15/12/2011 17:21

YABVU

thepeoplesprincess · 15/12/2011 17:33

I think you are being a bit oversensitive tbh. There's no reason why your daughter would relate this particular book to your family circs any more than any other.

And as an aside, I'm a bit Hmm at you saying that separated parents/single-parent families is some sort of "issue" that should only be discussed in PHSE or in special little talks at home with mummy and daddy. You're wrong. It's a perfectly normal part of daily life for millions of famili;es in the UK, not some dirty little secret.

TroublesomeEx · 15/12/2011 17:57

Can your DD only read books that directly reflect her own life and experience then? Sort of misses the point of reading really! Grin

Can't see what the problem is tbh. Really, I can't.

exoticfruits · 15/12/2011 18:13

I agree with FolkGirl-nothing to add to it.

valiumredhead · 15/12/2011 18:14

Agree with folkgirl

hiddenhome · 15/12/2011 18:19

YANBU

Why put things into little minds like this? ds2 once heard something about somebody's parents dying and he then started to worry about me and dh. It sounds like a very miserable subject matter for a 6 year old.

whatstheetiquette · 15/12/2011 18:19

There are some children in DS's class who either live partly with their mum and partly with their dad, one who lives only with his mum as the dad has done a runner. My DS is 5 and I would let him read the book and also explain it. I might say as an example - friend X goes to her mum on Mondays and her dad on Fridays.

Goodynuff · 15/12/2011 18:21

Folkgirl nailed it.

TheSpreadingChestnutTree · 15/12/2011 18:21

I shouldn't think many people expect to split up, maybe you will be unlucky enough to be in that situation one day. Don't be so arrogant as to assume that the "issues" in the book won't affect you. And even if they don't affect your daughter personally, why the problem with her reading about divorce? Are you scared of something?

valiumredhead · 15/12/2011 18:21

Miserable but a very common part of life hidden - death shouldn't be brushed under the carpet, you were given a perfect opportunity to discuss death, the same with separation, lots of ds's mates live with parents in separate houses - that's life!

Liluri · 15/12/2011 18:22

The book you describe wouldn't bother me, but if I didn't like a book sent home from school then I'd return it and ask for another.
I think exposure to experiences other than those directly going on at home is useful.

TheSpreadingChestnutTree · 15/12/2011 18:22

Dying's not quite the same thing as divorce though, hiddenhome

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 15/12/2011 18:27

I think I'm going to start sending back books/refusing to read books that my boys get sent home with as they show dad's being really involved with the children and mummy and daddy living happily together..........I really wouldn't want them thinking that other people have that sort of relationship with their father............... >

breadandbutterfly · 15/12/2011 18:28

like any major issue surely it should be up the parent when they introduce it. eg I'm not homophobic but i probably would feel 6 was too young to give a child a book about a girl who lives with 2 dads, say - others might feel it was fine. It's up to the parents. That doesn't mean that you never plan to tell them - just 6 is quite young.

BaroqueAroundTheClock · 15/12/2011 18:55

but it's not a 'major issue' - it's a bloody common one - I'd bet my last few £'s in my wallet that almost everyone of your children (posters on this thread) go to school with at least one child who is/has been through separation/divorce of their parents.

valiumredhead · 15/12/2011 18:55

I think your post illustrates exactly why it IS important to read books bread and learn about other families!

thepeoplesprincess · 15/12/2011 19:01

@Baroque

According to recent Gingerbread stats, around 25% of children are curr;ently in SP households, so there's gonna be a heck of a lot more than one kid per school.

Even in 50s Bath, which is where breadandbutter seems to live......

TeddyBare · 15/12/2011 19:06

Breadandbutterfly ? that is homophobic. Would you consider it inappropriate for your dc to read books with characters with different ethnicities? I hope that illustrates just how prejudice your homophobic comment is. I think parents have some right to decide how and when to introduce difficult topics, but they have a responsibility to do it when their dc are young. If your dc have started school and still have no concept of gay families or divorced families then it has become necessary for the school to teach them about it. It?s a shame that you didn?t introduce these things earlier, but the school needs to do what is best for all of its pupils, and that includes trying to reduce the chance of any of them being bullied because other dc have been ?protected? from hearing about their ?tainted? families. Gay parents are normal, as are their dc. You?re doing those dc and your own a huge disservice by teaching your dc that they?re not.
OP YABU and a bit pfb. It will help your dd to read about it happening and be able to discuss it with you, because she almost certainly has or will have friends with separated parents and 2 families.

exoticfruits · 15/12/2011 19:07

Why put things into little minds like this? ds2 once heard something about somebody's parents dying and he then started to worry about me and dh. It sounds like a very miserable subject matter for a 6 year old.

At 6 yrs old my DS had to have the majority of his life without a father-he had died. I actually find it quite offensive that he has to live with it and yet others shield their DCs from the fact that some DCs are not so lucky. He had to cope with it, day by day, so it is a very small thing to read about it and have some understanding, when you are safe at home with two parents.

LostVagueness · 15/12/2011 19:25

Teddybare... Don't get on a high horse about homophobia. 6 yr olds don't generally understand the finer points of homosexuality and therefore would be unlikley to benefit from such a book. While I would have no problem with my DD/DS reading books with death/divorce/homosexuality/ethnicity etc, others are entitled to their opinions on this too. You contradict yourself when you say... ' I think parents have some right to decide how and when to introduce difficult topics, but they have a responsibility to do it when their dc are young' If this is the case the surely it's up to the parent to judge how young is too young. Not all kids are the same after all.