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Original poster

To think this book inappropriate for dd, 6

76 replies

Molehillmountain · 15/12/2011 17:14

Holiday reading sent home-one of dds is about a couple about to separate through daughters eyes. The mum is tired and tearful a lot and the dad no fun because he's always looking tired-our family at the moment but we're not about to separate -we just have a five month old dd. I know it's maybe a bit precious but I think issues like that are for families to talk about unprompted by the reading books or for phse lessons. Don't want dd mothering over it however amicable their split is because it's not happening here.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 15/12/2011 19:33

Well when ds was in nursery there was a child with 2 mums - he managed to cope with the fact that not all families have a mum and dad, in fact he didn't bat an eye lid, it's not a big deal unless you make it into one imo.

valiumredhead · 15/12/2011 19:35

exotic how sad Sad but goes to shows how it's important for kids to know this happens so they can be supportive of their friends.

TheSpreadingChestnutTree · 15/12/2011 19:36

The thing is that if children knew about things like homosexuality, divorce, death etc from an early age, they would take it all more or less in their stride, and the world would be a better place.

festi · 15/12/2011 19:38

I can understand this being a concern if your dd was 4, but at 6 I bielive that part of her social development and emotional maturity the subject matter is not too abstract she should able to understand sad events that affect others may not mean they will happen to her and if not then books, tv, real life events will aid this development. I dont think allowing a 6 year old understand the world is made of different circumstances is a bad thing.

mrsravelstein · 15/12/2011 19:40

ds1 at age 6 ish was sent home with a story about a child whose mother had died. he found it very upsetting so we stopped reading it and i just wrote a line in his reading diary to explain why. i don't think you need to make an issue out of it, just don't read it if you don't want to.

Hulababy · 15/12/2011 19:45

What does your DD think? Does she like the book? Does she want to read it? Is she finding it interesting?

If yes, then fine - let her read it.

If no, then don't force her. No one should have to read a book they aren't enjoying or is bothering them.

festi · 15/12/2011 19:46

I think most children choose thier own books rather than being "sent home" with books.

mrsravelstein · 15/12/2011 19:53

ds1 was 'sent home' with books every day from reception til about year 4 when they were allowed to start choosing

Hulababy · 15/12/2011 19:55

festi - not always, depends ont he system the school uses. At DD's school the children are given a reading book until end of infants, the teacher selects the reading book. They chose their own library books to read alongside.

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 15/12/2011 20:05

I don't think there's any need for a 6 year old to read upsetting things until it's something they need to deal with. Of course it's really sad that some children have to deal with divorce, death of a parent, death of a friend or grandparent etc - so then yes, you have to deal with it then, I don't see the point in making them read about every miserable situation that occurs in the world. They are only young for a little while, let them enjoy it until RL decides otherwise.... that's plenty soon enough, no need to have them worrying over things that they don't need to be.

FWIW - books about 2 Mums or 2 Dads or whatever aren't sad, they're just a different way of living and aren't the same thing at all.

MMMarmite · 15/12/2011 20:06

"I'm not homophobic but i probably would feel 6 was too young to give a child a book about a girl who lives with 2 dads, say" This is slightly homophobic. There's nothing wrong with having two dads, so what are you worried about? You're not telling your child out loud that being gay is a bad thing, but the silent message is that it's weird and abnormal.

Some day he'll meet a kid with 2 dads, why should that kid have to be the one to explain it to your child - far better if your child already thinks it's normal.

I'm bisexual, and it would have been a whole lot easier for me growing up if I'd had access to role models of gay people having families and living normal lives. If your child is gay, do you want to be sending them the silent message that straight is normal and that homosexuality is not something that should be spoken of?

juggleorstrugglemum · 15/12/2011 20:07

YABU

Backtobedlam · 15/12/2011 20:07

I think reading this book together is a good way of introducing different ideas. You will have chance to discuss it, talk about different family units, she can ask you questions and you can reassure her about any worries. Books are an excellent tool for this, and I would be quite happy to read it with my child.

AnaisB · 15/12/2011 20:16

YABU

startail · 15/12/2011 20:19

UANBU
Six year olds have have very vivid imaginations. DD2 got nightmares very easily at this sort of age, despite a perfectly ordinary life.
I refused to go to school because my teacher gave me the creeps when I was 6 (I liked school at all other times).
And a friend said her G&T daughter had real problems relating to some of her reading books. Academically she could manage all the KS2 library at 6, but emotionally she was just that six.

Cherriesarelovely · 15/12/2011 20:22

It's an incredibly common issue though isn't it? It wouldn't be a bad idea to raise it in a safe setting such as through a reading book at home with you. It IS sad but I have no doubt that your DD will know some children to whom this is happening or will shortly.

festi · 15/12/2011 20:24

I think the subject matter is being blown out of proportion on this thread. it is not uncomon though is it, it is not untangable for any child to grasp. surely.

festi · 15/12/2011 20:25

x post cherry

WiiWishYouAMerryChristmas · 15/12/2011 20:29

I think the book sounds fairly useful in letting your daughter know about what happens when families do split. It happens and avoiding this book will only lead to questions if one of her friends' families do split or indeed yours (I'm not saying it will of course, but it may do) I'm sure a lot of her friends' families have. I agree that reading about things outside of her own experiences and situations will broaden her mind.

TheSpreadingChestnutTree · 15/12/2011 20:31

Speaking as the mother of a child with separated parents, I really resent people treating the subject as something so horrible that it can't be allowed to sully "normal" children Angry Hope it never happens to you and you have to eat your words.

festi · 15/12/2011 20:32

a little girl my dd knows brother has cancer, the prognosis is good. But the word cancer was not used for the little girl initially as her brother was becoming more and more unwell they gently began to discuss the reality of his illness with her. My dd started to construct what was going on and before the little girl did hear the word cancer my dd asked me if he had cancer, she became very upset then that he was going to die. It gave me an oppertunity to be quite honest with my dd that not every one who has cancer will die and that many people make a full recover etc etc. I also explained to her that her little friend may not fully understand what it means to hear the word cancer and that she may get afraid like she had so I explained that she must not talk about cancer with her friend just yet and that we need to be sensitive and supportive of her friend as this is a very scary time for her. My dd is only 5 and she handled this with so much maturity and sensitivity, had she not had an honest frank discussion about it she would have not developed enough knowledge and empathy to at least help her to begin to understand what this terrible situation means to her friend.

festi · 15/12/2011 20:34

posted to soon, sorry if a child of 5 can begin to get to grips with something like illness then the normal realms of relationships etc can be understood and accepted.

squeakytoy · 15/12/2011 20:40

Books are what encourage childrens minds to develop, whether fiction or fact.

Once a child is old enough to read, unless the book is particularly graphic and aimed solely at teens/adults, then there is no reason at all for a parent to stop them from reading it.

TroublesomeEx · 15/12/2011 20:42

festi that is so sad, but it sounds as though you have handled this perfectly.

You are quite right if a child of 5 can begin to get to grips with something like illness then the normal realms of relationships etc can be understood and accepted.

My DD (5) didn't know my single friend was gay until she saw her holding hands with her new girlfriend. DD asked "is X Y's girlfriend" I said "yes" she said "oh" and that was that. We've discussed same sex relationships a lot recently since DD asked if girls could have girlfriends and marry girls, and would they both wear wedding dresses.... so many questions!

But she didn't think it was strange or funny. It just was. And that's how it should be.

Cherriesarelovely · 15/12/2011 20:46

It reminds me a bit of when some parents were being ridiculous (not on MN obviously) about the woman presenter on Cbeebies who had a disability. I remember one woman saying that her child shouldn't have to be subjected to that. I know this IS different as it is about an unhappy event but it is similar in the way that Thespreadingchesnuttree describes. I wish there were more children's books with different kinds of families in them.

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