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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

makes me wonder what children have to come home to

72 replies

knockneedandknackered · 15/12/2011 15:36

bringing my dd home from school today i heared a women say stop knocking me with your book bag or else il knock you out. what a thing to say to your child made me feelSad it makes me wonder why they have children, and what the poor child must be going through at home.

OP posts:
Crosshair · 15/12/2011 15:40

Im sure people say all sorts in the spur of the moment, it is an awful thing to say but doesnt necessarily mean things are like that all the time.

Original poster
knockneedandknackered · 15/12/2011 15:42

your right but is upsetting to hear, to me it feels like the not mothering them enougth just draging them up.

OP posts:
lesley33 · 15/12/2011 15:46

No doesn't mean things are like that all the time. But no matter hwo frazzled or shouty I was with my DCs I would never say anything like that. And I do feel sorry for kids whose mothers would say something like that to them.

Pandemoniaa · 15/12/2011 15:47

I'm thinking you may be guilty of wild over-thinking here. I once told ds1 that I would leave him in the Social Services Patch Office. He knew that this was a ludicrous threat but it is probably fortunate that I wasn't overhead.

JamieComeHome · 15/12/2011 15:48

I think even if she doesn't hit her child she's teaching the child that when you are a tiny bit irritated it's OK to threaten and belittle someone. Nice.

HoHoOpotomus · 15/12/2011 15:49

I've threatened DD1's scooter with certain death & destruction if she scoots right in front of me where I can't see her when I am carrying DD2 (who is a baby) - she has nearly tripped us all up on several occasions and we are lucky not to have had a nasty accident.

I guess if we'd been overheard on a couple of those I'd get some catsbumface looks .....

RainboweBrite · 15/12/2011 15:53

Agree with crosshair. I am sure we are all guilty of saying things to our own children that sound awful to others. My DS spilled his drink next to my phone this morning. Luckily, there was no harm done, but I still said, You know how angry I would be if that had splashed my phone, don't you? Ok, not quite as bad as threatening to knock him out, but I bet some people will think it wasn't necessary for me to say that.

JamieComeHome · 15/12/2011 15:54

HoHo - no - because you threatened the scooter, not the child! God know. I've shouted and said things like "You are doing my head in" in the street. But I have never threatened violence, and it would never occur to me to do so, because I would not use violence as a disciplinary tool

Naoko · 15/12/2011 15:54

I'd be :o too if I heard that, I know people say things they don't mean and wouldn't even say unless really frazzled of course, but my mum never said anything like that to me.... The one that got me, and I'm afraid I hoiked my judgy pants all the way up to my ears on that one, was a woman loudly complaining to her friend in the street that she 'didn't know what was wrong with him [gestures at her child], he's got everything in his room, tv, dvd player, computer, and he still keeps wanting attention! I don't know what he wants from me, he just won't leave me alone' (except with more swearing than I'm reporting here). The child was three! At most! I felt so sad for him, I suppose it's possible she was venting about a very clingy child that wouldn't even let her go to the loo or whatever but it didn't sound like she was :(

Naoko · 15/12/2011 15:55

I'd be :( obviously, not :o ....bad typo!

MollyTheMole · 15/12/2011 15:57

Probably a nice warm house, plenty of love, good diet etc

Or were you imagining a cellar with a cage in it?

IReallyHateMyCat · 15/12/2011 15:57

I can't imagine anyone would be upset with you saying you 'would be angry if'.... If you had said you would have popped em one for spilling on your iphone yeah maybe.

lesley33 · 15/12/2011 15:58

You see the examples of things you all have said to your kids in the heat of the moment don't sound too bad to me. But threatening to knock a small child out is imo in a different league.

JamieComeHome · 15/12/2011 15:59

me too lesley33. Not the same at all.

lesley33 · 15/12/2011 15:59

naoko - That sounds awful. i would have been judgey too.

HoHoOpotomus · 15/12/2011 16:00

Jamie any threat to the scooter is actually a threat to DD (it's love) - albeit an oblique one. My tone was certainly ....... tense

oh Naoko that is really Xmas Sad

Original poster
knockneedandknackered · 15/12/2011 16:01

Nakoko i suspect the child dosent want dvds tv, just abit of attention from mum.

OP posts:
JamieComeHome · 15/12/2011 16:01

HoHO - yes, I know, not ideal. But not as bad. Am just wondering if people who threaten to hit their kids never hit their kids. Somehow I'm guessing not. I might be wrong.

Hardgoing · 15/12/2011 16:02

I'm with lesley33, threatening to knock a child out, even if 'just' a threat, is really really unpleasant. Can no-one hear the difference between that and saying 'stop scootering in front of me otherwise I'll throw it in the bin' or whatever? I've heard a mother walking along literally spitting venom at her child 'you are a fing waste of space, you are a fing idiot, I f*ing hate you' etc, nothing will convince me this is just a mum venting a little and that some of these children go home to happy homes:(

IndigoBell · 15/12/2011 16:08

Wondering why they have children is silly.

Having a child is not the bed of roses Disney makes it out to be. It's bloody hard work - and if you hate it there's nothing you can do about it. It's not a decision you can undo.

I agree it's a horrible and sad thing to say.

And probably indicates the parent needs more help and support (and possibly love or money) then she currently has.

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 15/12/2011 16:09

I was on the bus once and a woman was sitting with her two smalish kids (they were behind me so I didn't see exactly what ages they were). I couldn't hear all her words but she basically kept up a steady stream of what sounded like nasty comments to and about her daughter, in a vicious tone of voice (I did hear snippets about how the daughter was 'bad' and 'like her father' and 'trouble' etc). I think some slapping or other physical punishment must have started up then, because at one point the little girl said in the saddest, most serious voice, 'One day I will hit you back, Mummy.' Made me want to cry. Sad I can only hope that the little girl was as sensible and self-possessed as she sounded and that she won't allow herself to be too messed up by it.

justpaddling · 15/12/2011 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fedupofnamechanging · 15/12/2011 16:12

I think this is about tone of voice. A person can say something using completely acceptable words, but with a horrible, threatening tone. Otoh, my GPS used to say "I'll knock your block off" in a smiley, jokey tone. The words themselves might be construed as horrible, but there was no threat to it.

So, even though I wouldn't use those particular words, this depends on how it was said.

Bucharest · 15/12/2011 16:13

YANBU OP.

JamieComeHome · 15/12/2011 16:13

peabody - maybe not. I think most of us can tell when someone is joking.