makes me wonder what children have to come home to

[knockneedandknackered]

bringing my dd home from school today i heared a women say stop knocking me with your book bag or else il knock you out. what a thing to say to your child made me feel it makes me wonder why they have children, and what the poor child must be going through at home.

Why does that make you think of Victoria clambie? I have no idea if smacking children is a culturally done thing in Africa but Victoria clambie wasn't smacked, she was beaten, tied up and made to sleep in the bath. Nothing to do with culture, everything to do with having a sadistic aunt.

The Bloomsbury method of parenting tut tutting at the underclasses and their inferior approach to parenting.
Why don't they employ a nanny/au pair?
One is suitably BU.

to me, there is a big difference between "stop knocking me with your book bag or else il knock you out" (which can take all shades of meaning depending on tone of voice) and 'A fucking evil cow who should be in a children's home' (which can only really be taken one way)

My MIL strikes me as someone who could, from a socio/cultural pov, well have made the knock you out threat and her children would have known for sure that she was not going to hurt them. But she would never ever have told them they were a waste of space.

Well Africa is a big place comprising many cultures and belief systems bu5 it was my understanding that Victorias aunt attended a church which believed in evil spirits and possession which she used to excuse her sadism. and that the cultural diversity aspect prevented ss from taking a harder approach. The serious case review is online so can be checked. I could be completely wrong and if so I apologise.

V climbie was to do with a belief that evil spirits can possess people, especially children and should be beaten and starved out of the possessed victim.

It was the objection to such practices as to why aid was refused by some in Hiati, after the earthquake. She isn't the only child to have died because of 'cultural practices', her death was just well publised because it went to SCR.

People often go on to parent in the same way as they were parented under the guise of "never did me any harm", unless the actively seek out another way.

Winter- you are correct. The priest of the church also knew of what was happening. There was an over sensitivity of allowing cultural practices, even when it consituted abuse, at the time.

Yanbu. I moved last sept to a dodgy area and the mums round here are seriously rough. There is one particular mum of a child in my dd's class that is horrible to her. If she asks to go to the shop she is told to shut the fuck up, or if she is walking home to hurry the fuck up or she is ' getting it' at home. When I first moved in and some kids from the neighbourhood came round to play with mine, they couldn't get over how 'amazing' my house is. Which it is really not but it has wallpaper and carpets which appear to be something special round here. One of the mums stopped get son coming in to play the wii with my girls, because she didn't want him 'getting ideas'. makes me so sad. I have 4dc under the age if seven which can be seriously hard work but whilst I can shout and get stressed, I don't swear at them or threaten them with anything more than loss of a ds. I feel sorry for a lot of the kids round here

"yelling obscenities", doesn't constitute removal of the child, yes a plan should be put in place for re-education etc. But what SS are now up against is a big change in parenting expectation, but those that now would/should have been rmoved as children (before safeguarding was at the level it is now) are becoming parents and repeating the pattern, because in most cases they know, no better.

They told the church and hv that to try and account for her injuries, they said she was hurting herself because she was possessed, they didn't abuse her because they believed it though.

Moomin- they asked the priest for advice on how to remove the possession, he told them to do what they would have at home, beat and starve her.

This practice is carried out still in many areas.

OMG, stayformulledwine, what an eye opener!

In fact, I will go on to say 'you reap what you sow', if you treat the child like that in the early years, you know one day, they will be bigger than you and they will treat you with the same respect!

Melika- Unfortunatley children develop an attachment to even an abusive parent, they often don't turn on the parent, it is saved for when they have children of their own.

yes I'm sure the child gets beaten routinely and eats filth and sleeps in a dog bed.

Vis a vis respecting others' culture. Yes of course. However in the UK there are laws and social mores which should be respected too. Here, in this country, hitting a child is not legal so, regardless of your antecedents, don't do it. Simple.

Cory, you're right, that can only be taken one way and it should be dealt with appropriately by the relevant authorities. It smacks of someone with major control issues if they resort to that kind of behaviour to a child.

Fifi, perhaps you could elaborate as to some of the other things you've witnessed. It shouldn't be allowed to continue.

"People round here tell people to boil their heads.."
And thats perfectly fine. I have heard this being said. It is a local saying and is not the same as threatening to knock a child out imo.

I am usually very sympathetic to parents who are angry, shouty or harassed at their kids. But I have heard things that I do judge and where I can't believe the child is going home to a loving home.

Like the mum repeatedly complaining to another mum about her child saying - "he is a ffiing idiot..he is ffing thick." The poor child who was about 7 or 8 was standing by her the whole time. Apparently he had broken something and yes because she had little money I can understand her being annoyed about this. But imo she was very out of order.

'Stick that tongue out again and I'll snip it off'
'I'll have your guts for garters if you do that again'
'Hurry up or I'll stick a rocket up your bum'
'I'll knock your block off'

All uttered with frequency during my wonderful, secure, loving childhood. They were meant to be funny and I found them funny and obeyed because the situation was humerous rather than serious.

I'm not sure why some people are so anxious so believe that children who get threatened don't get hit, or that getting threatened is OK.

I accept that parents say funny things, but if what the OP saw was intended to be funny, then the OP wouldn't be worried.

Unless the OP is just some judgy sanctimonious middle-class interferon. which some people seem to have assumed

I don't know why people try to justify it - it's a really shitty thing to say and speaks volumes about the person saying it. Regardless of whether they are "having a bad day".

I hope it's not for real, but I (a fun and doting - but brooking no BS whatsoever - Mum) have actually said to my daughter once: "Rhiannon! You run out in that road and I'll rip your little legs off!"

When someone behind me burst out with a short chuckle I replied with "Well, not in PUBLIC!"

However, I have never had to SMACK my kids and when I said that to my daughter it was met with a giggle and moving closer to me, rather than a hunch and dodge - so look at the body language - because the Mum could have been (even if inappropriately) joking. :-) I know my mouth overloads my brain sometimes - but I ALSO know that I get told often how kind our kids are at school, etc.

Hopefully a bit of loudmouthery was all it was!