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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The dreaded MIL with a mouth the size of a small passenger ferry

59 replies

technoduck · 15/12/2011 11:10

Please stand behind the safety glass ladies and put your goggles on... this may get messy!
I like to think that I am a level headed women, that I am reasonable, non bias, and always make a fair judgment on what I see in front of me.
This is what I see....
My MIL is lazy and backwards. She has never worked one day in her life! My FIL has alway worked as hard as he can to provied for the family he is a simple man with simple needs (he has a shed!). both are now retried. Me and my DH have been TTC for a while and have suffered two miscarriages in that time, So didnt want the whole world to know that Im a few weeks pregnant now, My mum and my dh parents were told only because we have had loss in the past (my mum is the biggest help in the world, shes been there herself) So when i walk into mil home im surprised to be congratulated my MILS neighbours! I was in shock! Especially when one of them commented that "Be careful tho you shouldn't be telling people so soon!" I could have cried or hit MIL
also....
Me and dh are partime vegetarians, we only eat meat once or twice a week and this "Rabbit food diet" isn't doing us any good apperently, this is coming from a women who has to use a zimmer frame to walk because she is so big. Yes she does have health problem, but it is all because of her weight.
When did having 12 a day instead of 5 become a problem?!
And....
we give them £200 a month to help them out with bills ect. When were trying to save to buy a house and start a family and they never thanks us for this!
aibu?

OP posts:
AitchTwoOHoHoHo · 15/12/2011 11:11

you are not.

ChocolateBiscuitCake · 15/12/2011 11:13

YANBU - I will get on the MIL soapbox (have just posted about mine too!). 'Tis the season to be right royally wound up by MILs to be jolly!

And congrats on the pregnancy Xmas Grin

squeakytoy · 15/12/2011 11:13

YABU for calling your MIL lazy and backwards. That is offensive and nasty.

Why you are giving them £200 is beyond me.

Lastly, there is no such thing as a "part time vegetarian".. you either are one, or you arent.

BuntyPenfold · 15/12/2011 11:14

YANBU

Flisspaps · 15/12/2011 11:14

You give them £200 a month to pay their bills and received no thanks for it (I'd stop this to be honest), she ridicules your diet but is unhealthily large and despite having two miscarriages has been announcing to the world that you're pregnant, and you're asking if you are being unreasonable?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

OldeChestnut · 15/12/2011 11:14

She has never worked one day in her life!

so what? nor have hundreds of thousands of people, and in past generations it was the norm for the mum to stay at home (or is that worthless as well)

Me and dh are partime vegetarians right Hmm

"Rabbit food diet" isn't doing us any good apperently, - maybe she is right

BuntyPenfold · 15/12/2011 11:15

I know a few people now who say they are a part-time vegetarian. I can work out what they mean by that.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

zimm · 15/12/2011 11:16

Unless you're minted, you are going to need that 200 when the baby arrives. She sounds like a horror. Congrats on your pregnancy.

Gonzo33 · 15/12/2011 11:18

wonders if technoduck and I share a mil! Although I wouldn't describe her as lazy and backwards (mine is not backwards Grin )

Yanbu about the pregnancy announcement, I would be furious in your circumstances.

Fwiw I will keep my fingers crossed for you that you have a full term healthy pregnancy

petersham · 15/12/2011 11:19

P/T veg
Isn't that called Meaty Sunday (as opposed to Meat-free Monday)?

TimothyClaypoleLover · 15/12/2011 11:19

Technoduck, firstly congratulations on your pregnancy.

However, you should never have told your inlaws the news if you don't want them to broadcast it. Presume they were told to keep quiet but to be 100% sure you should never have told them.

also, I really do not understand why you are giving them £200 a month. You say you are trying to save to buy a house so does that mean you are living with them? If so, I guess you should pay them something as rent. And if you are living with them you have my sympathies as we did it briefly with my inlaws whilst waiting to move into our house and it was torture!

BuntyPenfold · 15/12/2011 11:19

To be fair, her weight is nothing to do with her blurting out your secrets to the neighbours.
Tell her to put a sock in it.

happydotcom · 15/12/2011 11:23

YANBU.

Congrats on your pregnancy! MiL sounds horrible. I'd stop the £200 if I were you !

Original poster
technoduck · 15/12/2011 11:40

Many thanks to everyone for the reply!
we do not live with them we live about a 3hour drive away. I understand my rant is very full on but whenever I think about this im nearly shaking with rage! They are very poor so the £200 does keep the heating on and the phone working ect. When i say backward i mean they are more than happy to moan about a situation, but will not do anything to improve it. They just expect us to pay there way out of it. grrr i think im chasing my own tail and should just quit moaning and get ready for work!

OP posts:
TimothyClaypoleLover · 15/12/2011 11:53

If you are not living with them then stop the £200 per month. All you/DH need to say is that you have your own family to provide for now and with you going on ML you cannot afford to support them. Don't they get a heating allowance/grant from the government?

charitygirl · 15/12/2011 12:00

They sound like prime wankers, but it's hardly abnormal for grown DCs to give their parents money regularly if they are hard up FFS. I assume posters are saying 'it's beyond thrm' because the parents sound like tears, not because it's an odd thing to do per se?

TimothyClaypoleLover · 15/12/2011 12:03

I don't think its abnormal to give money to parents but it sounds as though OPs circumstances have changed and they need the money themselves so its not fair to pay out £2,400 per year indefinitely.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 15/12/2011 12:05

YANBU - I understand where the "lazy" comment comes from completely - you are paying for them and they aren't working! That would piss me right off as they aren't doing all they can to pay the bills they just expect you to!

Congrats to you!

Becaroooodolf · 15/12/2011 12:10

You sound lovely

You are either a vegetarian or you arent.

If you begrudge the money (which you obv do) then stop giving it.

If you dont want people to know about your pg dont tell anyone.

"lazy and backward" ? Nice. Does your dh know you think that about them??
Hmm

SnapesMistressofMerriment · 15/12/2011 12:11

If they are elderly they should be able to get everything they need for basics on benefits, what are they spending the money on? Do they own thier house?

Also YANBU, she sounds ghastly.

Beamae · 15/12/2011 12:12

I had the same thing with my MIL's neighbour congratulating us on our unannounced pregnancy. We were both so shocked that we couldn't even reply and just stood there with our mouths hanging open. Our closest friends didn't even know and it was well before 12 weeks... Astounding since we had 3 miscarriage scares in the first trimester alone and a history of miscarriage. The result is that we have had to shut her out, which is a shame. Now she only gets told top level, impersonal stuff that we don't mind her spreading around because she just can't help herself. She got a massive telling off by my husband as well. Other than a big gob she is lovely though.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 15/12/2011 12:15

What's the big deal with people against describing a veg heavy diet as part time veggie???

Original poster
technoduck · 15/12/2011 14:27

Again many thanks for the messages! im loving the veggie debate that has started! We have never eaten much meat, i have kept chickens for years its made me abit soft! We make a roast once a week and the odd bacon sandwhich will make its way onto my plate! but thats about it! beamae im glad it wasn't just myself left opened mouthed trying to think of something to say! I just really want them to say thanks once in a while, We have payed for there xmas presents to give to other people this year, I really don't mind I wouldn't want them to feel embarrassed around the family. But on the same note we have had no thanks, and ive had to do two lots of xmas shopping! we both work really hard for are money, long hours and late nights. Of course they do not want to be in this situation and are emarrassed about it, so i know it hard for then to talk about but if someone was giving me that I would say thanks! and I also know that they have only told other people because there excited, which is so lovely but i feel they have not respected are wishes. Anyway back to work.... many thanks to everyone x

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 15/12/2011 14:45

You're not a vegetarian.

If you eat meat, you are not a vegetarian.

Vegetarian's don't eat meat.

Lazy is an adjective. If it aptly describes someone it isn't offensive. I am being very lazy today. That's not an insult. It's a fact. If she is being lazy YANBU to say so!

Your MIL WBU to have told people something her son and his wife told her in confidence. My MIL did that. We don't tell her anything anymore.

Tell them that now you are pregnant you can't afford to give them the money each month. They can manage the way every one else does.

Florin · 15/12/2011 15:00

You really should stop giving them the money if they can't even be thankful for it. As others have fingers crossed all goes well and then you will need the £200 anyway.
Don't worry about the meat thing. I used to be major meat eater but since I have been pregnant cannot go near most types. I occasionally have a slice of ham and sometimes I can stomach mince but I am mainly on vegetarian type food (hope that wording is ok for everyone) it hasn't done me any harm baby is growing well. Just make sure you balance it in other ways with cheese etc. if you were living off salad leaves only then that would be an issue. Sounds like you are a million times more healthy than your mil. I have a mil who is also passing comment so understand how that feels, drives me mad.
Good luck for your pregnancy.

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