Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The dreaded MIL with a mouth the size of a small passenger ferry

59 replies

technoduck · 15/12/2011 11:10

Please stand behind the safety glass ladies and put your goggles on... this may get messy!
I like to think that I am a level headed women, that I am reasonable, non bias, and always make a fair judgment on what I see in front of me.
This is what I see....
My MIL is lazy and backwards. She has never worked one day in her life! My FIL has alway worked as hard as he can to provied for the family he is a simple man with simple needs (he has a shed!). both are now retried. Me and my DH have been TTC for a while and have suffered two miscarriages in that time, So didnt want the whole world to know that Im a few weeks pregnant now, My mum and my dh parents were told only because we have had loss in the past (my mum is the biggest help in the world, shes been there herself) So when i walk into mil home im surprised to be congratulated my MILS neighbours! I was in shock! Especially when one of them commented that "Be careful tho you shouldn't be telling people so soon!" I could have cried or hit MIL
also....
Me and dh are partime vegetarians, we only eat meat once or twice a week and this "Rabbit food diet" isn't doing us any good apperently, this is coming from a women who has to use a zimmer frame to walk because she is so big. Yes she does have health problem, but it is all because of her weight.
When did having 12 a day instead of 5 become a problem?!
And....
we give them £200 a month to help them out with bills ect. When were trying to save to buy a house and start a family and they never thanks us for this!
aibu?

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 15/12/2011 15:20

Florin of course non-vegetarians can eat vegetarian food, cook vegetarian recipes and have days where they eat no meat. But they can't describe themselves as vegetarian on those days, that's all. Grin I won't be having an alcoholic drink today, but I'm not part time teetotal!

OP, if you don't have a very meat heavy diet, what protein are you getting on the other days? A 'rabbit food diet' Hmm is fine but you do need to make sure you're getting what you need nutritionally. Plenty of lentils! That's the answer. Wink

I was completely vegetarian (and very healthy) until I was pregnant with DS1 and in a very vulnerable situation personally. My mum bullied me into believing that I'd have my son taken from me if I insisted on following that diet! So I started eating meat again. Vegetarian again now though. But it is hard when people put doubts in your head. I wish I'd had the strength to do what I believed in rather than be pushed into something I didn't Sad

minimisschief · 15/12/2011 15:29

There is no such thing as a part time vegetarian. You either are or you aren't. You are not.

NeuromanticisedVisionsofXmas · 15/12/2011 15:34

No such thing as a part time vegetarian. And not every sentence needs a !

That apart, stop giving them money and stop telling them your business. End of problem.

GoingForGoalWeight · 15/12/2011 15:39

Hope all goes well with the pregnancy :)

If this hasn't taught you that MIL cannot keep family business to herself, nothing will.

Learn from this, please.

Good luck to you both for your future :)

VFVF · 15/12/2011 16:21

I don't understand? You say she's never worked a day in her life? Did she not raise your DH?

troisgarcons · 15/12/2011 16:25

I'm chuckling that the FIL is simple because he has a shed!

mynewpassion · 15/12/2011 16:27

Is OP saying that SAHM have no worth as they are not earning an income?

winterfox · 15/12/2011 16:29

i would have thought 'part time vegetarian' is a very good term to descrip the ops habits!

people really do pick on posters every word in aibu, it's vile

yanbu op

winterfox · 15/12/2011 16:30

oh and she should get a job if so hard up!

troisgarcons · 15/12/2011 16:31

I don't think she's sying that - but sureluy if the FILs salary is insufficient now the DCs have flown the nest then there is nothing stopping a PT job?

However, trouble with these threads, we never know if people live deepest rural Scotland or in a southern throbbing metropolis where work may be more readily available.

So it's always easy to tell people to get a job, but in reality, logistics may make it nigh on impossible.

NeuromanticisedVisionsofXmas · 15/12/2011 16:32

its vile to tell someone not to make up silly labels to describe themselves? PErhaps you and OP could go halves on a dictionary, winterfox? Hmm

PiratecatClaus · 15/12/2011 16:33

lol you're pregnant, so i think you have done a blinder with this muddled ranty thread.

their views on your vegetarian meals shouldn't matter to you, they are allowed a view?

enjoy your pregnancy, don't make stress for yourself op

winterfox · 15/12/2011 16:33

lol neuro Grin

anyway congratulations btw op Smile

Eglu · 15/12/2011 16:36

winterfox I quite agree. It was just a quick way to explain the ops diet, rather than it becoming a huge story.

I would be pissed off to op, nothing worse than people spreading news they have been told to keep quiet. My mil is a bit like this in that she just feels the need to talk constantly. A few years ago pil were staying at a b&b in our tiny everybody knows everybodys business village. DH spoke to them before they came and asked them not to talk about us as we didn't want gossip all around the village. Clearly did not work as they came to our house asking if our friends A and S weren't married. Grrrr, not only had they talked about us but our friends too.

NeuromanticisedVisionsofXmas · 15/12/2011 16:36

And, er, "get a job"? Cos there are so many jobs for pensioners with no work experience whatsover who use a zimmer frame? Could you enlighten us all what kind of job you think OP's mother could attain, please?

NeuromanticisedVisionsofXmas · 15/12/2011 16:39

*MotherinLaw

Eglu · 15/12/2011 16:40

Oh and congratulations on your pg

Coconutty · 15/12/2011 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

winterfox · 15/12/2011 16:41

she could have got a job at some point in her life surely

and the mil could diet thus saving some money and getting fit

NeuromanticisedVisionsofXmas · 15/12/2011 16:44

maybe she could. Are you offering her a loan of a time machine so she can go back and get one?

ShirleyKnot · 15/12/2011 16:46

LOL

HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 15/12/2011 17:12

you don't have to give them money. if you choose to, that is very kind of you, but it should go with no resentment and no strings. It is your choice to give it. yes, they should thank you for this - have they never thanked you? not even the first time? or have they thanked you when you first started doing it and you just want grateful thanks each and every month? If they have never ever expressed thanks, then I think that is ungrateful. If they thanked you at the start of the arrangement but you want them to thank you each month, then that is a bit unreasonable and smacks of wanting them to humble themselves before you, iyswim.

she's 'never worked', well, she's raised a family and kept a home. I consider that work. many women of that generation never worked outside the home. it's just the way it was and no reflection on her.

did you specifically tell them not to tell anyone? if so, then that was unreasonable of her. if you didn't but just expected her to know, then that was unrealistic of you.

re the food, yanbu. just ignore her.

TheLightPassenger · 15/12/2011 17:22

anyone else finding the thread title ironic, sounds like it's not just the MIL with a mouth the size of a small passenger ferry, given the litany of criticism of PIL we have all been treated to... Sounds like OP and her husband are generous with their financial support, so I suppose deserve some praise.

BuntyPenfold · 16/12/2011 09:50

I'm a part time tee totaller :) so far today anyway.

I have also met some very annoying elderly women who never had a paid job in their lives. They helpfully say things like 'It's a lovely day, why don't you get out in the sun dear.' Well I would but my boss might get a bit annoyed by that.
They don't seem to understand how privileged they are.

bananamam · 16/12/2011 10:00

I'm a part time meat eater..pleased to meet you. We only eat meat a couple of times a week, think your description is silly. You are not part time anything.

Your mil sounds a bit odd. Her never working is irrelevant. You and your DH are choosing to support them in this way. Tell them in six months this will stop and give them time to sort/budget/get a part time job or whatever.

Your mil WBU if she was under instruction to keep it stchum. If not, then YABU.

If you enable them not to seek other sources of income, that's up to you.

Sounds harsh, but then so do you a little bit.

And absolutely brilliant news on your pregnancy. I hope you stay healthy and everything works out for you all Xmas Smile

Swipe left for the next trending thread