The dreaded MIL with a mouth the size of a small passenger ferry

[technoduck]

Please stand behind the safety glass ladies and put your goggles on... this may get messy!
I like to think that I am a level headed women, that I am reasonable, non bias, and always make a fair judgment on what I see in front of me.
This is what I see....
My MIL is lazy and backwards. She has never worked one day in her life! My FIL has alway worked as hard as he can to provied for the family he is a simple man with simple needs (he has a shed!). both are now retried. Me and my DH have been TTC for a while and have suffered two miscarriages in that time, So didnt want the whole world to know that Im a few weeks pregnant now, My mum and my dh parents were told only because we have had loss in the past (my mum is the biggest help in the world, shes been there herself) So when i walk into mil home im surprised to be congratulated my MILS neighbours! I was in shock! Especially when one of them commented that "Be careful tho you shouldn't be telling people so soon!" I could have cried or hit MIL
also....
Me and dh are partime vegetarians, we only eat meat once or twice a week and this "Rabbit food diet" isn't doing us any good apperently, this is coming from a women who has to use a zimmer frame to walk because she is so big. Yes she does have health problem, but it is all because of her weight.
When did having 12 a day instead of 5 become a problem?!
And....
we give them £200 a month to help them out with bills ect. When were trying to save to buy a house and start a family and they never thanks us for this!
aibu?

I think you are in a very difficult position. You are supplementing your PiL's income, which is very generous, but you can't make that conditional on them behaving a certain way. Telling people about your pregnancy was out of order and MiL needs to be called on that, but it has to be limited to that action and not put in the context of money.

My MiL has never done any paid work in her life and now lives on a pension of more than £35k as a result of FiL's efforts (he's dead). However, that's just a function of the norms of the time, although I agree its a bit hard to swallow.

Commenting on your diet is rude, but easy to ignore. BTW, aren't we all "part-time vegetarians?" I don't know anyone who eats meat every day .

1. Don't tell them a single thing about your private circumstances in the future.

1. £200 a month? I can appreciate you feel you need to help out - admirable of you - but if it's to keep essentials going like heating and phone, £200 is too much I'd say. £120?

1. Next time MIL comments on your food, reply 'I'm happy with my diet and my healthy weight thanks' - if she is overweight she won't like the sting of that and will hopefully keep her comments to herself in future. Bit nasty? Possibly yes, but if she wants to dish it out, she can take it.

1. Detach. Detach, detach, detach. They live a decent distance away - you simply don't need to get this wound up about two people who aren't that well informed about your actual life and whose opinion you don't rate passing ignorant comment. Blank it out, and if it's the injustice of the 'supporting them while they return the favour with rude comments' that's winding you up, simply cut down on the support. It certainly sounds as if you are being unneccessarily generous with them.

Don't tell them anything in future, stop giving them money. Simples

YANBU OP.

Nice rant :)

I don't think you need to do or change anything. She's getting on your tits and she pissed you off for blabbing about your pregnancy. I understand why you told her, wouldn't want to leave out one set of GPs, but maybe next baby you'll think a bit harder about whether she can be trusted.

Congratulations :)

'part-time vegetarians' got across what you were trying to say, you don't deserve you have your post torn apart.

I think you sound nice, and are justifiably cross at her for opening her mouth when it not her place to say.

What is the objection to "part-time vegetarian"? Is it "if you're p/t veggie then you're a veggie" (like a p/t prostitute is a prostitute) or is it "if you're p/t veggie then you're not a proper veggie, you're not hard enough" (like being a marxist)? OP, you make perfect sense, your objectors should settle their ideological differences elsewhere. And your MIL sounds a nuisance, and best of luck with your baby.

A vegetarian is someone who doesn't eat any meat. If you sometimes eat meat, you can't be a vegetarian. Its a binary state and you can't be a part time one. Pretty simple.

My siblings and I give our parents money because they have spent a lot of their money on us and our education. This is our way of giving thanks to our parents. We don't begrudge them this money.

However, in your situation, you are becoming resentful of giving them this money. How does your DH feel about it? It is family money but maybe its time for a discussion between you and your DH about your finances.

Aw I think it's really nice you and your husband help out his parents with money. I also think while your MIL seems a pita, She is most likely excited and couldn't help herself. My Gran is the same. They'r elderly don't take it to heart so much.