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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my mother has created the perfect situation for a Christmas family row

62 replies

Winterdrawerson · 14/12/2011 20:14

I am spending Xmas with my parents for the first time since 2006 (I live abroad with DH and 3 DCs) and really made it a priority to come over at this year as my DF has not been in the best of health and I know it means a lot to them as it does to me... But...... DM then invites my sister and niece to be there when we are 20-27 Dec then Bil and his mother turn up from 23-27 Dec, so we will not get any time with just them .
Is this some ongoing form of sibling rivalry? Am I being unreasonable to want to spend time with my parents without My Dsis and her family (who I love dearly btw)Is this all part of my mum hating being an only child and always wanting a big family christmas ? Btw DH comes from a big family and finds it all too much but has agreed to these plans as I wanted to spend time with parents...

OP posts:

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/12/2011 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeeOfTheNorthPole · 14/12/2011 20:17

If i've understood correctly your mum is inviting everyone to a lovely family christmas - YABU to expect her to have you over and no-one else.

mummytotwins · 14/12/2011 20:17

sounds to me like she just wants a family Christmas with you all there, relax and enjoy it, its only a week, I am sure there will be plenty of chances to catch up with your parents on your own.

HeidiKat · 14/12/2011 20:18

YAB a bit U, it does all sound a bit chaotic but surely as grown ups you can all rub along for a few days without a row.

lisaro · 14/12/2011 20:19

Grow up!

aurynne · 14/12/2011 20:19

So according to you, your mum should invite you on, let's say, 20-25th, and your DSis, 26-31th, so you have her undivided attention and no one else's.

Are you 7 years old?

ImpOfThePerverse · 14/12/2011 20:20

Sounds like a lovely family Christmas, your DM has probably been dreaming about getting all her DC together at Christmas all these years.

Go and enjoy.

deliciousdevilwoman · 14/12/2011 20:20

You need to learn about the inclusiveness, and opposed to exclusiveness of love. UABU.

timetosmile · 14/12/2011 20:20

There's always a huge amount of excitement when an ex-pat comes home...I know, I was one, and the urge to get a 'clan gathering' is overwhelming for the matriarch!

It's seen as a rare opportunity for 'everyone' to get together, and there's an especial sort of grandparental pride at having many grandchildren together.

Why not make the most of babysitting aunts and uncles and have a special day out, just you and your parents?

Tortington · 14/12/2011 20:21

in your situation i would take full advantage of xmas spitit and extended family to dump my kids and spend three days 2 nights with dh at a cheapo hotel just eating room service and drinking hot chocolate whilst watching telly snug in bed and sleeping in til noon

do it

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 14/12/2011 20:21

She wants a special big family Christmas with all of her children around her. Give her a break and go enjoy it.

Catsmamma · 14/12/2011 20:23

How rude of your mother to invite your family to her home.

Unless there is a lot more to your relationship with the other people I really think YABVU!

The cousins will all have a great time and if you get even half organised you can take it in turns to look after the children so everyone gets sometime to themselves...an afternoon snooze, bracing walk, bit of shopping.

Why does no one ever look on the bright side??

SoupDragon · 14/12/2011 20:24

The Christmas spitit. Custardo...?
[doh]

SarahSlaughter · 14/12/2011 20:24

I don't understand your post? Why wouldn't you want to sebd time with your family at Christmas, if you get on with them all?

You presumably choose to live abroad, you can't expect the world yo stop just because you've come home. Why shouldn't your parents have all their family together, particularly if your Dad's not been well?

Sorry but the only sibling rivalry I see here is yours. Unless I've midunderstood something, YABVVVU.

winterfox · 14/12/2011 20:25

maybe she justs wants family support, why have you left it so long if you don't mind me asking

Kayano · 14/12/2011 20:25

I think you sound selfish and entitled

Why should that cause a row ffs? Big family gathering at Christmas for first time in years!

YABU and mean

desertgirl · 14/12/2011 20:25

ooh sounds lovely, those are the sort of Christmases at home I miss. Surely you will have the chance to speak to them on their own a fair bit during all that time, unless your family is very 'crowding'.

I would be quite put out if family members didn't come to see me when I go home (also an expat)!

SarahSlaughter · 14/12/2011 20:26

Goodnesse my typing goes to pot when I'm irritated doesn't it!

cory · 14/12/2011 20:27

I've been doing return-of-the-expat Christmasses since 1994 and ime they always turn into massive clan gatherings: partly because everybody actually wants to meet me (and I them), partly because it is hard not to turn the people round who normally form the backbone of family gatherings/support for GPs because I am coming: it would hardly make me very popular. Yours btw sounds a tiny gathering to me: at the most we have been 17 individuals, including one or two children in nappies and at least one being potty trained, sharing a 4 bedroom house with one combined toilet+bathroom over a period of several weeks. It doesn't have to end in a fall-out.

Original poster

Winterdrawerson · 14/12/2011 20:28

I think it was because I was expecting that it would be for 3 days like 24,25,26 and I found out this eve it wasn't.We will be 8 for 3 days and 10 for 5 days. I think my mum has gone mad.

OP posts:

complexnumber · 14/12/2011 20:28

How ill is your DF?

EverybodysSnowyEyed · 14/12/2011 20:47

Yes - I think you are suffering from sibling rivalry

Northernlurker · 14/12/2011 20:51

You live abroad, you hardly see them - why isn't it a good idea to get together?

Original poster

Winterdrawerson · 14/12/2011 20:53

He has had treatment for lymphoma and then got a bad pneumonia virus in March and was in hospital for weeks and it looked v. grim - I flew back on my own. He came out of hospital and got to spend time with my parents just chatting like the old days pre small people. Now he has just his normal amount of tiredness but is quite active and out and about .

I feel time with parents is running out and being far away I need to make sure I get "my turn" with them I am there. Childish I know but... off to get a hanky.

OP posts:

Floggingmolly · 14/12/2011 21:09

"Your turn". It's Christmas. Christmas is for families. Did you really think your parents would not see the rest of their children to give you your turn?
The only probable cause of a family bust-up here is you, my dear.

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