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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think my mother has created the perfect situation for a Christmas family row

62 replies

Winterdrawerson · 14/12/2011 20:14

I am spending Xmas with my parents for the first time since 2006 (I live abroad with DH and 3 DCs) and really made it a priority to come over at this year as my DF has not been in the best of health and I know it means a lot to them as it does to me... But...... DM then invites my sister and niece to be there when we are 20-27 Dec then Bil and his mother turn up from 23-27 Dec, so we will not get any time with just them .
Is this some ongoing form of sibling rivalry? Am I being unreasonable to want to spend time with my parents without My Dsis and her family (who I love dearly btw)Is this all part of my mum hating being an only child and always wanting a big family christmas ? Btw DH comes from a big family and finds it all too much but has agreed to these plans as I wanted to spend time with parents...

OP posts:

Original poster

Winterdrawerson · 15/12/2011 09:43

I think I am usually a v. reasonable person so it comes as a bit of a shock to find out I am not! One of the problems is that school holidays frequently coincide so either DPs are caring for my niece so can't visit us or we visit them and back to crowded house situation.I also think there is an element of my mum compensating for her own childhood as she was an only child and hated it and thinks it must be the same for my niece.

I don't recall feeling that my sister got any more attention than me- although she was a bit Perfect Peter so does that make me Horrid Henry?.....i think we might be getting somewhere......

Lady mamalard- you are wise

OP posts:

Eggrules · 15/12/2011 09:45

I live away from the rest of my family and I would feel the same as you.

It would be lovely to spend 3 days together. As you don't see each other very much, it would nice for you family and parents to spend time together. Your sis can see them anytime.

I would plan a girls lunch for you, mum and sis.

snuffaluffagus · 15/12/2011 09:49

Well you could go out for a nice lunch on one of the days after christmas with just you and your parents maybe? Apart from that, it sounds nice that you'll all be together.

TandB · 15/12/2011 09:50

YABU
If your DF has been ill, it is even more important that he and your DM have the Christmas that THEY want, not the Christmas that one of their children wants them to have.

There are plenty of ways that you can arrange one-on-one time and if you have a good relationship with your sister it shouldn't be hard to set up.

There is no reason for there to be a family row - what would it be about?

cory · 15/12/2011 09:53

Just noticed the bit about the family row. Is there any special reason you think this is likely? Are your sister and her family likely to initiate one?

exoticfruits · 15/12/2011 10:36

I have always assumed that people grow out of sibling jealousy by the time they start school and they are not competing for attention as adults.

AliBellandthe40jingles · 15/12/2011 10:46

YABU.

It is, after all, your choice to be an expat. Why should your siblings miss out because of your choices?

2rebecca · 15/12/2011 10:59

I think if seeing your parents without other folk there was a priority then you should have chosen a few days to visit that wasn't over Christmas and discussed with your mum when you were planning the visit the fact that you'd like to have a few days with just your parents and your family without her inviting other people over to see you. Too late for that this trip but she probably thought everyone would be excited to see you and wanted a mother hen clucky type Christmas. You could book a hotel to stay in to give her less people to run round after in the house.

mummakaz · 15/12/2011 11:20

I think YABU especially as your DF isn't in the best of health, your parents just want all their children to be there over xmas. You shouldn't begrudge that.

I think the best christmasse's are when the whole family gets together

drinkystinkyyuletidegubbins · 15/12/2011 11:24

OP - you're there for a while. Make sure you get time with your mum and dad - suggest walks out and about, trips to places etc - or just talk to your siblings beforehand about how important it is that each of you spend quality time with your parents and is it worth putting together a plan to ensure you each get it?

Gay40 · 15/12/2011 17:12

See, we don't compete for attention - it's that I don't see my parents as much so it's a bigger deal when I do visit. I don't visit on Christmas Day either - my own family are more important.
Mind you, it doesn't help that I'm the favourite.

Gay40 · 15/12/2011 17:12

And a Christmas when the whole family gets together is my idea of Hell.

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