To go home and rip up our Christmas card from SiL?

[WiiWishYouAMerryChristmas]

I know IABU but I want to venttttt!

DP & I have always had a somewhat rocky relationship with SiL, she's fairly needy, very immature and treats PiL's like crap hense DP's rows with her that I then get dragged into. We try to maintain a civil relationship for PiL's sakes and try to hold out an olive branch when we can. We sent her & her Boyfriend Christmas presents after previously agreeing a limit as she wanted to spend more on DS, her Nephew, who she's only seen once, but seems to love playing the darling Auntie card to anyone who will listen. She lives fairly close, has 3 days off per week, drives and isn't skint so there isn't really any real excuse other than she can't be arsed.

Anyway, we bought her and her BF a lovely card with Sister and BiL on, to show that we acknowledge he is part of the family and hold out aforementioned olive branch. From her, everyone but us has a 'special' card IYSWIM, we have a crappy 2" square generic one. Why do I bloody bother?

I probably won't rip it up, I just want to vent and maybe shout a little bit.

I'm starting to worry my family and friends with be upset with me this years as they've all got mini cards (it was a good offer).

YA(probabl;y) NBU in your case but I have to say its not the size that matters...

It's a card, I wouldn't get upset about it! Perhaps she doesn't like to waste money on "special" cards so sends the same to everyone.

I got a "special sister" one of my sister but she knows she won't get one back because I don't send cards! Doesn't say anything about the relationship though

Of course it isn't and I'm sure yours are lovely. It's the fact that literally everyone else in the family got personalised cards I.e. 'Mum & Dad'.

OP are you serious??

OP are you serious??

I said I know IABU Fannybaws. She just makes my teeth itch!

'all' the family got personalised cards.....so whose have you seen apart from pil?

She is playing you, she probably knows this will upset you.
I do sympathise with the hell of inlaws that make you teeth itch, have some of those myself
I make myself feel better by drinking lots of wine, is that an option??

life is too short!

You wonder why she doesn't visit your ds? Maybe she 'senses' something?

Wait til you get your husbands very ex wife, after years of sending generic cards, trying to shit stir by sending one to MY MIL, who cant stand her, saying "to a wonderful mother"

LittlestLight PiLs, both Grandmothers, Auntie & Uncle, cousins .etc, PiLs had them all in a bag when we got ours.

Fannybaws, yes you're probably right. Unfortunately no, I'm still bf'ing DS!

Littlest, she doesn't visit DS because she can't be arsed. It's as simple as that. Trust me, she would have been whinging to MiL if she 'sensed something'. Like I said, we try to maintain a civil relationship, although her and DP have had major rows, I've tried to remain out of it and haven't ever been rude or aggressive back to her.

How does she treat her parents like crap?
If they let her get away with it, all the smoothing over that you and DH do wont make a difference sadly, has she always been the same?
Some families seem to run along with these types always behaving badly and no one calls them on it, weird.

But were they in envelopes? Hard to know what kind of card really

Squeaky that sounds terrible! My Uncle's first wife also does that, causes no end of awkwardness.

Fannybaws, she is manipulative and will trample all over them to get what she wants. She has emotionally blackmailed them into loaning her money in the past. In their eyes she can do no wrong and is never pulled up on her behaviour by them, she went on a full scale verbal rant of which the general gist was that I'm 'not part of her family' and PiLs, who witnessed the whole thing, said nothing to her but assured me that I am IYSWIM, they even apologised for her.

Littlest, yes but it's fairly obvious they were personal ones - a lot bigger, different envelopes .etc.

WiiWishYouaMerryChristmas and SqueakyToy

There's nothing wrong with that. If people have known one another for years why should they suddenly drop you or you drop them? My DH died a couple of years ago and I still receive cards from his ex and his ex's brother. I have known them for upwards of 17 years and I still receive cards from my own exSiL and exBiL whom I've known for 50 years.

Not wrong as such Mabel, but it does cause tension when it's addressed to Mum when she's never called her MiL Mum but by her name IYSWIM

We got a printed 'personalised' one from SIL's family with a crappy hat on the front and the families name that was blatantly printed to be sent to their clients. Everyone else got individual cards! Not upset, personally feel that printed family cards are tacky. I just did a little catsbumface and hung it up with the only other other cards. Getting upset over a sodding card is a tiny bit unreasonable.

Aye, I know Reeble. I think it's just another straw IYSWIM. I've bitten my tongue for so long and need to vent before another one comes along!

My cards are often all different sizes etc, cos I buy about 4 different kinds Of charity cards each year, plus use up ones from last year, plus some handmade. No one could tell from envelopes what kind of cards. I think it's a bit wierd tbh to get so worked up over 'my card is smaller than your card'...

Xposts wii

YABU for thinking that cards with father, mother sister etc are lovely and special
YABU for rising to the bait which the ordinary card obviously is :)
YANBU for disliking her behaviour

As I said 3inA, they're obviously not just different generic cards and it's nothing to do with the size, it's the fact that she's obviously decided we're not worth anything more than that.