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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go home and rip up our Christmas card from SiL?

69 replies

WiiWishYouAMerryChristmas · 14/12/2011 15:05

I know IABU but I want to venttttt!

DP & I have always had a somewhat rocky relationship with SiL, she's fairly needy, very immature and treats PiL's like crap hense DP's rows with her that I then get dragged into. We try to maintain a civil relationship for PiL's sakes and try to hold out an olive branch when we can. We sent her & her Boyfriend Christmas presents after previously agreeing a limit as she wanted to spend more on DS, her Nephew, who she's only seen once, but seems to love playing the darling Auntie card to anyone who will listen. She lives fairly close, has 3 days off per week, drives and isn't skint so there isn't really any real excuse other than she can't be arsed.

Anyway, we bought her and her BF a lovely card with Sister and BiL on, to show that we acknowledge he is part of the family and hold out aforementioned olive branch. From her, everyone but us has a 'special' card IYSWIM, we have a crappy 2" square generic one. Why do I bloody bother?

I probably won't rip it up, I just want to vent and maybe shout a little bit. Xmas Sad

OP posts:
ReebleBeeble · 14/12/2011 15:44

Oooh, I know that feeling Wii! Sorry, took a long time to post my message and didnt see the other grievances. My SIL (not the one with the crappy card, my DB wife) is the same. Lots of little things and one finally broke me, I ended up giving her a peice of my mind... and now we dont see my brother or his family. Not a terrible thing, bunch of scrounging work shirkers, but still makes me sad sometimes.

ExitPursuedBySanta · 14/12/2011 15:45

I have just howled with laughter at the card my DH's Sister has sent us. Before we were married she managed to find 'Darling Brother and his Partner' cards but since we were married she fills her boots with icky 'Brother and Sister in Law' cards. They make me cringe and I hide them rather than display them.

It is clearly a personal thing though.

Original poster
WiiWishYouAMerryChristmas · 14/12/2011 15:46

Exactly Reeble, DP & I often vent to each other, but he's at work! [hgrin]

OP posts:
Original poster
WiiWishYouAMerryChristmas · 14/12/2011 15:47

Oops * Xmas Grin

OP posts:
two4one · 14/12/2011 15:47

Life's way too short OP. Forget it. I'm not exactly sure what "it" is but forget it anyway.

Agree with those who have said family cards "To a beautiful daughter and son-in-law" etc are naff. My DM send them and they cost a bomb and it means a lot to her to buy them but I wish she wouldn't.

Original poster
WiiWishYouAMerryChristmas · 14/12/2011 15:49

Lol @ Exit, it's funny - my family are a comedy-orientated or simple card bunch & DP's are usually icky pink pages of icky verses. We find a happy medium most of the time!

OP posts:
samandi · 14/12/2011 15:50

I don't understand how you can tell from the envelopes that they're personalised cards. I've sent out a range of cards this year cobbled together from what I had in the cupboard, and they all have different envelopes but only the one to my parents was personalised. Clearly she's not a particularly pleasant person but that's no reason to get wound up about every small thing. YABU.

Kova · 14/12/2011 15:51

I don't even send cards.

YABU

ReebleBauble · 14/12/2011 15:52

Same here too, Wii!

suspicious emoticon are you me?

Original poster
WiiWishYouAMerryChristmas · 14/12/2011 15:57

Hmm, I don't think so Reeble, but maybe! Maybe we should start a support club for when DP's are absent! Xmas Grin

OP posts:
PatTheHammer · 14/12/2011 15:57

I agree with whoever said she is doing it to get a rise from you, just be cool and don't mention it, that'll learn herXmas Grin.

What is the obsession with those cards though? Dh's family all do it and I've always been a bitHmm. Last year I put my foot down and forced DH to stop buying them as he doesn't like them, doesn't even write them if he can help it but just bought them because he thought he had to. Cost him about £30, which could easily do a couple more presents for the Dc's. Everyone gets one out the pack now except grandparents who get handmade ones that the kids do at school/nursery.

The only people that like these cards are the sodding card companies, raking it in!

P.s OP, if you do some extensive research on mumsnet I think you will find you can have quite a few glasses ofWine whilst bfing. I know I certainly did or i would never have lasted 18mths!

PatTheHammer · 14/12/2011 16:01

Ooop, just read that back and seems like I mean drinking 'whilst' actually breastfeedingBlush. Obviously I mean 'whilst you are a breastfeeding mother'...............

Although, if you can feed with your hands free............

Original poster
WiiWishYouAMerryChristmas · 14/12/2011 16:02

Pat, yes you're right. I'll ignore it and send her a crappy one next year, too childish? Xmas Biscuit I always thought I could only have one Wine but will now go and do lots of research. I fear I may need copious amounts if HRH decides she would like to visit her Nephew over Christmas. I doubt it highly but preparations won't hurt!

OP posts:
glastocat · 14/12/2011 16:05

Blimey, can't believe anyone can get worked up over a card. You'd hate me, half the time I forget to send them at all, then its will be a charity one out of a box if you're lucky.

OrmIrian · 14/12/2011 16:07

I hate personalised cards! I never send them. Wonder if that makes me unpopular with my ILs Confused

DeckTheHugeWithBoughsOfManatee · 14/12/2011 16:08

YABU. 'Personalised' cards are naffola.

If she's sent you one with someone else's name and message tipp-exed out inside then YANBU to be offended, but otherwise I think you're either bonkers or there's a whole slew of other reasons you don't like your SIL that you're letting out over something frankly trivial.

Original poster
WiiWishYouAMerryChristmas · 14/12/2011 16:13

I'm not talking personalised as in Merry Christmas Mr & Mrs Wii, I'm talking Brother & SiL or similar but probably both Manatee!

OP posts:
Original poster
WiiWishYouAMerryChristmas · 14/12/2011 16:13

glastocat and Orm, it's the fact that she singled us out.

OP posts:
DeckTheHugeWithBoughsOfManatee · 14/12/2011 16:20

Those are naffola too, I'm afraid OP Xmas Grin

DP's family specialise in cards like this. They're lovely people, so I appreciate it in the spirit it's meant, but every time I receive a gigantic, gold-embossed card with raised bits, personalised inscription and a sickly poem a tiny bit of me clutches its pearls and has to go for a gin and a lie down.

cubbie · 14/12/2011 16:29

I don't think YABU, I'd be pissed off and hurt too. The majority of posters here seem to think they are naff, and that's fine, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I wouldn't dream of trying to persuade anyone otherwise.

I actually like them but only bothered with my mum and dad and my nephew/Godson. I really enjoyed choosing and sending them as my Mum and Dad help us a huge amount and DH's parents died a lomg time ago. My Mum loved them and there was a time when I though I wouldn't have any DC of my own, so it was nice for me to do that for my nephew.

He was just a baby but I know my bro liked it. I also sent Uncle ones to my bro from my boys.I don't bother now as I have 2 DS under 5 and am demented most of the time, tbh, as a lot of us are, I'm sure. Also, it was getting too expensive and, if I'm honest, felt a tad miffed that my bro didn't bother reciprocating in a similar fashion.

Stupid and petty of me, I know, but that's just the way i felt.
Anyway, now I'm lucky if I send any at all so I suppose I have come full circle! I do apologise to people in advance and warn them that they might not get a card, but for no other reason than that I'm disorganised etc (yes, you could argue that I have chosen to be disorganised, I don't dispute that, but by the time we get the boys to bed, have dinner, tidy up and sit down, it's quite late and I can hardly remember my own name, never mind write it haha!)

I don't for a minute think I am any different from any other mum in that respect, I'm not looking for sympathy, just trying to empathise with the other OP> Although I would NEVER have given out personalised cards in a situation where there were a lot of family members, unless I had one for everybody. I do think that's a bit rude. Unless it was just one for my Mum and Dad.

Sorry, am rambling. (My cousin dropped dead last week, a year younger than me, and I'm probably feeling over-sensitive. Am not trying to hijack the thread looking for sympathy. Apologies if it comes across like that at the end.)

redskyatnight · 14/12/2011 16:30

Are "Dear brother and SiL" cards really that widespread? (never seen one nor looked for one emoticon)

I'm afraid I wouldn't put a huge amount of thought into it. Maybe they couldn't find a suitable card, or maybe they didn't see it as a big deal.

DH has been sure to send his parents a "My parent" Christmas card because he knows that his mum puts great score on things like that. My parents have got a generic card out a selection box as I know they will not give two hoots. I hope they would not get upset in the unlikely event they ever swap card stories with my in-laws.

WhoopsyLa · 14/12/2011 16:33

YABU I usually do special cards but can't mnage the extras this year.

eurochick · 14/12/2011 16:34

Do people really genuinely care about this stuff?

cumbria81 · 14/12/2011 16:36

Are you for real? YABU. What a silly thing to be upset about

PatTheHammer · 14/12/2011 16:46

Err, think the OP said she knew it was pathetic and she was BU. But if the 'you are stupid' comments make you feel better then go for it.

If nobody was allowed to post about little bitchy things that got on their tits then mumsnet would have very few threads. We all know there are bigger and more important things going on in life.

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