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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my DP to call/text me while away?

77 replies

KissMyA · 13/12/2011 16:34

My DP is away on business for a week. He left on Saturday. Yesterday I didn't hear from him once, so messaged him on Skype and got a reply saying 'in a meeting'

He just message me about an hour ago and I'm really annoyed. He said sorry for not contacting you yesterday, was really busy. But then went on to say he went to his boss' and wife's house and had an amazing dinner with them and another couple. It just upsets me he must've gone to the office, gone back to the hotel, gone back out to dinner and not thought of me once Sad

Aibu to think he could've found 2 minutes of his time to send me a message? Or am I being a bit of a sap?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 13/12/2011 16:37

YAB a bit U...

the words "away on business" are the clue there.... just because he hasnt texted you doesnt men he hasnt thought about you.

OldeChestnut · 13/12/2011 16:39

maybe he had someone with him the whole time and didnt feel comfortable saying "you hang up first, no you hang up, etc" in front of a boss

Original poster
KissMyA · 13/12/2011 16:42

Didn't expect a long phone call, just a text. Meh, maybe I am

OP posts:
MrsMcEnroe · 13/12/2011 16:42

YANBU, he could have sent you a text at some point surely?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/12/2011 16:43

I'm the one who is away all the time and I don't always get a chance to ring or message. I hate texting anyway anyway but will to say that I've arrived. What can one say in a text?

It's Tuesday today... he only left Saturday. You're not being a sap but I don't think you should interpret a silence as 'out of mind'. It's very hard when you're away working sometimes, particularly when you're in company. It's hard for you to understand - but you're at home.

I'm sure your husband is thinking of you all.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/12/2011 16:43

... that was supposed to be SHOULDN'T, not should... Blush

Shutupanddrive · 13/12/2011 16:44

Yabu, it doesn't take much effort to send a text saying good morning/night or whatever

shandyssandy · 13/12/2011 16:46

Well we always contact each other to ensure we know the arrival has been safe. so YANBU for wanting to know that.

but he couldn't very well talk on skype extensively in a meeting, could he? i'd have only written "meeting" and shut it off if my DH had done that to me when he KNEW i'd be on a business trip.

Hmm

perhaps he's had lots of entertaining and people around so that he couldn't very well contact you. i doubt if silence means he hasn't thought of you.

but the practicalities of being away on buiness means it genuinely isn't always possible to keep in touch with people at home for a few days.

so in general YABU.

it doesn't mean he doesn't love you or that he hasn't thought of you - simply that your DH has his professional hat on.

shandyssandy · 13/12/2011 16:48

Shutupanddrive would you really send a good morning/night text to a husband/wife you saw only a few days ago, possibly after meetings/engagements that have gone on all evening, and with a busy schedule ahead?

there's being considerate enough to keep in touch where it's nice, and then there's just being wasteful of texts.

I should think that if the OP's DH is away on business he really has better things to be doing than ticking off his obligatory "morning" or "afternoon" check in with the wife via text.

honestly!

Shutupanddrive · 13/12/2011 16:50

Sorry I mean YANBU!!!

Shutupanddrive · 13/12/2011 16:52

shandysandy yes I would actually! Xmas Hmm

Original poster
KissMyA · 13/12/2011 16:54

We usually text quite a bit though. I definitely don't expect the same level of texts while he's away and busy. But just one during the day after he's out of the office is asking too much? I guess I am quite insecure sometimes and generally take things personally, like thinking he didn't give me a thought

OP posts:
namechangerbat · 13/12/2011 16:55

Yanbu it doesn't take two minutes to text your loved one.

Original poster
KissMyA · 13/12/2011 16:56

shandy I would too. He's not busy all day, I know he's working hard but then he's playing hard too.

OP posts:
Ilovedaintynuts · 13/12/2011 16:56

YANBU I would be very offended and would find this unnacceptable. He clearly didn't think of you or else he would have sent a text.

shandyssandy · 13/12/2011 16:57

Shutupanddrive, then I can't help but think you've never been married to anyone in senior management, who has to entertain clients all day and has a duty to entertain in the evenings too (fun at first, not so much after the first few).

We're not talking about schoolboys on a school trip checking in with mum, for pete's sake. we're talking about fully grown adult men whose simpering wives seem to think they don't love them due to the silence - as if a "morning" or "afternoon" text would be proof of it or not.

OP's DH may not care about her, and he might not have thought about her for a second since the weekend.

but I think if that's true, a meaningless text message here and a meaningless text message there won't be the only clue in the relationship.

don't get me wrong, i'm not saying the little things are important - they often are - i just think that within the timeframe and context being described here, i'm actually rolling my eyes at the OP than feeling sympathy. sorry!

A1980 · 13/12/2011 16:59

Do a vanishing act instead. It's far more effective that getting your knickers in a twist.

When you don't contact him at all, he'll wonder waht you're up to rather han enjoying himself Grin

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/12/2011 16:59

shandyssandy.... "simpering wives"? That's out of order and hurtful.

HedgeHop · 13/12/2011 16:59

Yanbu.

BsshBossh · 13/12/2011 17:00

If DH or I are spending the night away from each other the one who's away always calls at night before bed to say Hi etc. But not at all during the day, not even texts, because the day is always so busy.

susiedaisy · 13/12/2011 17:01

Yanbu, he had two minutes at some point in his day so lets not pretend he didnt, are we to assume he never had a pee, had a shower, had a bit to eat and couldnt find even 30 seconds to text that he was havin a hell of a busy day and would speak tomorrow? But as to whether he thinks of you who knows!! men can be strange creatures Smile

Original poster
KissMyA · 13/12/2011 17:01

What about seeing it from my pov shandy rather than just his? I've been working and still had time to message him. What if you were sitting at home alone wondering if he's ok, then going to bed without hearing anything from your dh, wouldn't you feel a little miffed?

OP posts:
BsshBossh · 13/12/2011 17:03

Shandy Hmm... DH is in a senior position at his law firm, goes overseas regularly on business and does an awful lot of client entertaining but still manages to call me each night he's away! I do too.

lesley33 · 13/12/2011 17:03

I would always text or ring before going to sleep. But tbh I do think some of you have no idea what it is like to be away on business. Get up, go to breakfast and then be with colleagues/clients until bed time. If you are lucky you get a chance to go back to your room and quickly change, but it can be full on time wise.

shandyssandy · 13/12/2011 17:05

Yes, I WOULD always text to show I'd arrived safely, and if convenient I would generally call or email every few days.

but i have been on business trips, or been amongst colleagues, where this just wasn't practical (short of texting at, say, 11pm at night after an evening ball which was compulsary attenance, not exactly a relaxing catchup chat).

that's all.