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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect my DP to call/text me while away?

77 replies

KissMyA · 13/12/2011 16:34

My DP is away on business for a week. He left on Saturday. Yesterday I didn't hear from him once, so messaged him on Skype and got a reply saying 'in a meeting'

He just message me about an hour ago and I'm really annoyed. He said sorry for not contacting you yesterday, was really busy. But then went on to say he went to his boss' and wife's house and had an amazing dinner with them and another couple. It just upsets me he must've gone to the office, gone back to the hotel, gone back out to dinner and not thought of me once Sad

Aibu to think he could've found 2 minutes of his time to send me a message? Or am I being a bit of a sap?

OP posts:
susiedaisy · 13/12/2011 17:06

working abroad may be a bit different i think as you have the time difference, reception of the phones might not be so good etc

Original poster
KissMyA · 13/12/2011 17:09

But he wasn't at a ball, he was at his colleagues house with other couples, surely he could've messaged me, but he didn't. He can be so selfish generally so I don't know why I expect more tbh. He gets very wrapped up in himself. Arse

OP posts:
lesley33 · 13/12/2011 17:11

He was with his boss at dinner and some colleagues. He might have had an amzing dinner, but it is probably still work rather than just a social occasion.

SantasENormaSnob · 13/12/2011 17:14

yanbu

bigbadbarry · 13/12/2011 17:16

YANBU I also have a non-texting-when-away DH. In fact I just texted him to point out that I think it is ok to send them these days :) I don't expect much - and I do know he works hard - I just wanted to know what time he will be home. He's on a train for 2 hours to get here, I think he could find 30 seconds without his colleagues - what, teasing him for being under the thumb, like they are 14?

Adversecamber · 13/12/2011 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DodieSmith · 13/12/2011 17:20

YANBU

CurrySpice · 13/12/2011 17:23

YANBU no. I would expect / want a text too.

DP works away 5 weeks at a time. He is very busy and works very hard, very long hours. He is not allowed to have his phone with him at work for security reasons.

I get a good morning text every morning, a phone call when he's finished work, and a goodnight text very often as well.I would hate a day of no contact at all with him

And shandy...patronising much? Hmm

KittyAnne · 13/12/2011 17:39

YANBU

At

All

ISayHolmes · 13/12/2011 17:49

Are you saying that he hasn't contacted you at all since he left or that it was just yesterday where he didn't call or text?

TattyDevine · 13/12/2011 17:56

Mine goes away for days at a time and will generally try and call between children's dinner time and bath time...but doesn't always manage due to...business! Sometimes he has a dinner, or drinks thing, or is still in a meeting, or still negotiating etc...

Okay so when he doesn't call I tend to get an email later on, but if he doesn't call/email its because he can't, not because he doesn't want to. I doesn't go awol for days though.

So YANBU but you are also BU depending on when/how much he contacts you. He can't really answer a skype call during a meeting, after all.

Original poster
KissMyA · 13/12/2011 18:02

He didn't contact me at all sat, 2 min call on Sunday around lunch time then the text to say in a meeting

OP posts:
ThatsNotSantasBabyBelly · 13/12/2011 18:03

I go away on business, DH goes away on business. We both have jobs where evening entertaining is necessary.

I would be mightily pissed off if DH didn't find a minute to say hi, you okay, kids okay - or something similar. We always check in with each other, I'd find it sad if we didnt.

Love the "yow don't have a dh as important as me so you wouldn't understand" comment.

TattyDevine · 13/12/2011 18:04

To be honest, whilst it sucks a bit and isn't a competition etc etc, I had pneumonia at the start of the year and it kept coming back and he had to go to Copenhaagen right in the middle of one of my bad relapses where I had started shivering and running high temperatures again. He managed to ring up and get the children in extended childcare from what they normally do but he did have to go and I made him go, it was important for his practice. It was hard - I did the school run wearing about 5 layers of thermals, knits, coats, snood etc, shivering my self off and probably not really in a great way to drive but better than not picking up my child and them going to social services. Bad bad bad I know. By the time I got my daughter the shivers had turned to the swelters but I couldn't find the energy to strip off some of the layers so I just went in shaking and sweltering and when I got home collapsed on the bed and threw them a big bag of Wotsits and some Mullerlight.

Mum of the year!

OhYouBadBadReindeer · 13/12/2011 18:05

Grin I'm just wondering whether to text dh who is away just to see if he is still alive or anything. Numpty forgot to leave me the hotel he is in so he'd better be alive else I've no chance of finding him.

OhYouBadBadReindeer · 13/12/2011 18:05

that was a badly timed Grin Blush

Original poster
KissMyA · 13/12/2011 18:10

Xmas Grin at tatty

OP posts:
MrsMuddyPuddles · 13/12/2011 18:24

shandyssandy, I am periodically away for work to construction sites. One of us WILL send a text to say goodnight most evenings (if we do not call), and the other WILL reply. It doesn't take 2 min, and is rude not to. There's also nothing wrong with a quick text at 11 or 1am or whenever you finish up.

Shutupanddrive · 14/12/2011 11:24

Looks like your outnumbered shadysandy Xmas Grin

mrsjay · 14/12/2011 11:30

He couldve sent you a quick text to say he was alive and going to bosses for dinner on the way to dinner takes seconds to do , YANBU imo . I was away in the summer , im not a talking on the phone person especially in front of people , but a text takes seconds ,

OldeChestnut · 14/12/2011 11:31

maybe he had no signal at the times that were convenient

these things happen

zimm · 14/12/2011 11:38

Oh good-o the Mn stiff upper lip brigade are out in force in this one. Goodness Op why should you expect contact from your HUSBAND? How very unreasonable of you! The poor lamb cannot possibly find 30 seconds to text you....maddness.

Back in reality....OP YANBU I have travelled for business plenty and you can make the effort to keep in touch. FFs even if you text whilst on the bloody loo! Or just last thing at night, first thing in the am. It's just a nice way of showing you care about someone. Honestly the fuss some ppl make on here about working.....it's just work, and in professional white collar jobs like OP's DH has it is, 99.99% of the time possible to send a quick text once a day. OIf those of you who travel really can't manage this then you are doing something wrong.

And that is all :-)

Ragwort · 14/12/2011 11:38

I agree with shadyshady Xmas Grin - my DH works abroad a lot and with the time difference/lack of internet/mobile reception/bad connection etc etc it is often more hard work to try and keep in touch than not. Last time I saw the cost of the phone calls I made it clear not to bother, unless it was an emergency. To be honest, I know he is busy, I get on with my life and there's more to talk bore about when he gets home Smile.

I do think there's a certain 'neediness' about having to be in touch all the time - I have been with DH many years (before mobiles!!) and still have some of the letters he used to write from abroad, that's obviously stopped now! In those days phone calls were even more expensive, no such thing as text or email - it wasn't a problem, I knew I would see him in three weeks.

He was on a trip once and a colleague's GF kept texting, even when they were having a day off climbing a mountain Xmas Hmm.

worldgonecrazy · 14/12/2011 11:39

Both and I and DH frequently work away. We always call first thing in the morning and last thing at night, and if the other person doesn't answer for whatever reason we just send a good night text. We also try and speak at least once a day, around lunchtime, just to check in with each other.

Maybe other people don't feel the need to have the same level of contact with their partners. I find it a little odd but then, we are all different.

PickledHegg · 14/12/2011 11:45

Hmm YANBU definately NOT

Though I'd be inclined to give him the silent treatment for a day or two and show him how it feels Xmas Grin