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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU Re Train Seats

166 replies

ConnorCamden · 13/12/2011 15:57

Last night one train, the one I normally get, didn't show. It was cancelled due to a fault. Myself and approximately 10 other people had to stand around for an hour until the next train. During this time, the platform got very very busy, as you can imagine (people waiting for the next train)

Finally the train arrives. I climb aboard and, like the 25 or so other people, tried to find a seat. I finally found a seat, but it meant politely asking an elderly gentleman to move up so that I can sit next to him. His response? "No. I was here first" I thought he was joking at first, so I smiled and waited for him to move. He said "What are you waiting for? I told you I'm not moving"

I ended up standing for the 1 hour journey.

AIBU to expect somebody to move up to make room for somebody? This was one of those 2 seats (like on a bus) and he was sitting on the seat nearest the aisle not the window.

OP posts:

twolittlemonkeys · 13/12/2011 20:15

Completely agree with public transport bringing out the worst in people. Even when my mum was heavily pg and getting the tube to work, blokes would clearly see her, look awkward then lift up their papers in front of their faces and pretend they hadn't seen her so as not to have to give up their seats.

We used public transport a lot in Hong Kong when I was pg and several people offered me their seats :)

kdiddy · 13/12/2011 20:35

Thankfully at 36 weeks pg people have mostly been kind to me on trains recently and given me seats etc. However there is no excuse for that man being so rude to you at all - what an arse. I'm surprised nobody else stepped in to help either. Is it just me that thinks evil thoughts and hopes some freaky, non-lethal but major inconvenience happens to him later in the day??!

Not making excuses by my pet peeve at the moment is bag space on trains - it's like they're designed for people with no luggage. I've been getting the train a lot more for work with my wheely case and it's a right pain. Often the leg room is so rubbish I can't fit the bag by my feet (and I am only 5' 2"), or if I can it encroaches on either the aisle or other passengers' leg room; there is hardly any space at the end of the carriage (and even if there is I have been carrying a laptop so don't want to leave it where I can't get to it); and the overhead shelves aren't big enough or are too full.

I would always move my bag for a person but it's quite difficult when the only place to balance it is on my bump

Thank goodness for maternity leave!!

confuddledDOTcom · 14/12/2011 00:59

Earlier this year my partner was working in Cornwall and we thought it would be nice to spend a BH weekend there. As I don't drive we got the train down to him, my dad helped us to the station and the station arranged for help on and off the train. Although both my children were under 5 I booked a child seat so that I could be sure they'd be able to sit down and booked a table so that they could play/ eat/ colour etc at it. When we got on the train there was a man and woman sat opposite us and a boy sat on one of our seats with bags on the other. I politely said that we'd booked those seats and she huffily said "well we've booked these ones"??? (referring to the two her side) That's nice for you but why does that mean I can't sit in mine?!

TheHumancatapult · 14/12/2011 05:53

now to balance it out i have never had a problem even when trains are busy and buses when means everyone eneeds to shift so can get my wheelchair on .But then im also not very quiet about asking either and often find being polite works .And infact commuters tend to be the best .

Failing that i just point out im coming in and when they see 130 kg machiene coming they move

nojustificationneeded · 14/12/2011 06:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PinkFondantFancy · 14/12/2011 06:50

"why don't you just squeeze past" - I use first capital connect trains to London and the seats are so close together that your knees are forced to interweave with the opposite person's knees . For some reason, people getting on at earlier stops insist on sitting in the aisle seats leaving the window seats free, despite the fact that 99% of people get off at the same stop in London. Squeezing across to the window seat is not straightforward-I used to do it but it involved shoving my arse in someone's face and stamping on 2 pairs of feet with my heels. Serves them right. I don't get it anyway. On that train window seats are way better-aisle seats mean your face is level with and pressed up agaibst all the standing people's arses..... Bleugh

TheHumancatapult · 14/12/2011 07:14

Pink sadly someones backside in my face that is something I do have to put up with due to my height in my chair .have been known once or twice to ask them to move it a bit

But then there's sometimes when that view is quite enjoyable

anonymousbird · 14/12/2011 07:20

You should have stood on his feet as you pushed past.
Twit.

exoticfruits · 14/12/2011 08:17

I would have squeezed past him and sat down.

minibmw2010 · 14/12/2011 08:35

I used to do the commute from Colch to London (50mins - 1 hour) and would always hear people say 'excuse me is that seat taken' whereas I always just say 'excuse me please' and make it v clear I'm waiting for them to stand up and let me take the inside seat because for some reason people never move into the window seat first (which is actually my favourite, more comfy). I refuse to ask if a seat is 'free' when I've paid over £4k for my ticket

dexter73 · 14/12/2011 08:43

ConfuddledDOTcom - your friend was very rude too. Even though he had an extra ticket it doesn't entitle him to a seat. You are paying for the journey. I can't believe he was such an arse and made people stand when there was a free seat next to him .

OhTheConfusion · 14/12/2011 08:45

I stood in the (wiggly) carridge connector last month with 6wk old baby in the pram because a lady refused to move out of the 'disabled' seat. She was wearing running gear so safe to assume she was fine. The conductor asked why I was blocking the walkway and I explained her refusal to move. He then asked her very loudly if she was SURE she required the disability/pram area more than the young mum with pram and shopping. Her response, I was ehre first, it's mine. He then asked to see her ticket, she didn't have one and asked to purchase one on the train as 'she had been in a rush'. He put her off at the next stop and fined her!

KeepInMindItsAlmostChristmas · 14/12/2011 08:51

We go to Cornwall every summer by train, we book seats and God help anyone who thinks they can sit in them, I have had to move people out of our booked seats a few times.

exoticfruits · 14/12/2011 08:55

Fantastic OhTheConfusion!
I find it a mistake to ask if it is taken. Body language is important, I say -excuse me and look ready to sit down.

manicinsomniac · 14/12/2011 09:10

I was once on a busy train where a young woman (I'm guessing 20ish) was lying across two seats sleeping. A man woke her up and asked for her seat and she actually claimed that she HAD paid for two seats because she always likes to lie down and sleep. I have no idea it she was telling the truth or not and, even if she was, whether a guard would still have let her have both seats when so many people were standing. But there don't seem to be too many guards around to ask for help on trains nowadays anyway.

I'm always too scared to ask people to move anything. I just stand and hope they offer. If they don't then I have too accept that they may be selfish but I am also a wuss!

CinnabarRed · 14/12/2011 09:25

How odd. I've commuted into London through 2 pregnancies, both to 36 weeks, and have never once had to even ask for a seat - someone has stood up once s/he has seen me. Maybe the met line in from Amersham is particularly civilised.

As an aside, my friend is a psychologist and tells me the best way to avoid people sitting next to you isn't to put your bag on the seat next to you - just make eye contact with people getting on and smile engagingly, and everyone will avoid you!

stealthsquiggle · 14/12/2011 09:34

Why do people sit in the aisle seats (other than to "protect" the free seat next to them) ? Window seat is much better - you can go to sleep without waking up leaning on someone's shoulder (or bum).

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 14/12/2011 09:37

I sit on the aisle seat on the rare occasion that I go by train. I'm a lardarse and paranoid after reading lots of comments from people who hate being squashed up against the fat person. So I sit on the aisle seat so I can make sure I only use my half of the seat IYSWIM.

I'd always let people through though to the window though.

lottiegb · 14/12/2011 09:43

Good tip Cinnabar! I do try to choose someone who looks calm and docile to sit next to.

The lack of guards / ticket collectors is quite a issue I think. They used to walk up and down quite a lot, so you could discuss any problem or question. With station ticket barriers you sometimes don't see them at all. I have had a couple of experiences of people behaving very loudly or unreasonably when the presence of a member of staff would have been helpful. The only alternative is to call the company or the police, which is OTT for most situations.

Another frustration is when, quite commonly I find, the seat reservations haven't made it onto the train. I've experienced that both ways - missing out on my reserved seat but also, carefully arriving early and seeking out a seat labelled as 'not reserved', then the train filling up to standing room only, then someone coming along and saying she'd reserved my seat and being quite upset about it. I feel utterly reasonable in saying that her argument was with the train company that had failed to honour their contract with her, not with me. A moment when presence of a member of staff might have been helpful.

bruffin · 14/12/2011 09:46

"Why do people sit in the aisle seats (other than to "protect" the free seat next to them) confused? Window seat is much better - you can go to sleep without waking up leaning on someone's shoulder (or bum)"

Whereever we go whether it is train, theatre, cinema DH will always want an aisle seat because he is 6'2 and has long legs.

Having read the OP again, I think the OP was wrong to ask the man to move, she just needed to say was "excuse me can I get to the other seat"

worldgonecrazy · 14/12/2011 09:46

Bags on seats and feet on seats brings out the worst in me. If I see someone on a train with a bag on seat or feet on seat, even if there are other free seats, I will make a beeline and politely ask them to clear the seat so I can sit down.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 14/12/2011 09:46

For some reason, they always put reservations on the window seats (even numbers maybe?) rather than the aisle seats on the train I use regularly. That could be why stealth?

Btw, what is the etiquette when someone else wants to use the power socket? Is it first come, first served, or does it 'belong' to the window seat as that's nearest? I reckon the former but occasionally people object to the cable being in 'their' space if you're in the aisle and they're in the window ... though it really is just a cable on the floor ...

DamselInDisarray · 14/12/2011 09:56

My pet peeve with trains is that you never get what you ask for when you reserve seats, even where there are unreserved seats elsewhere on the train that fit your requirements. Why bother asking if they're just going to give you a seat going backwards anyway?

Yesterday morning I discovered that yet again I'd been allocated a backwards seat, but the conductor announced to the train that the whole of coach B was unreserved. So loads of forward facing seats, and even forward facing seats at tables going spare. What is the point of a reservations system if it doesn't try to match the specifications people it in at all?

lesley33 · 14/12/2011 09:57

worldgonecrazy - I think YABU tbh. I put my bag on a seat if there are lots of empty seats. Because if travelling by train I usually have a few bags and it is not comfortable sitting with a handbag and a bag of presents in between your feet. Of course I will do it if someone needs a seat - but I wouldn';t be happy with you.

TheRealMrsHannigan · 14/12/2011 10:09

Oooh I hate hate hate bag squatters. I've been in a situation where a lady refused to move her bag, so it was dumped unceremoniously on to the floor

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