Fuck - I just uninvited my mum to my wedding

[toobilly]

Me and DP are finally getting married.
Are DCs finally sat us down about a year ago and ordered us to get married.

DDs wanted to have proper dresses and DD1 really wanted to organise it (she is 16) so we aren't having the wedding we would have picked (jeans and registry office) but there we go and it means that others are involved.

Anyway.

My Mum has never liked DP (well me getting pg at 17 when he was 22 prob didn't help) but even now with 4 DCs and a 18 yr relationship she still doesn't like him. Everyone knows (including DCs and oldest two know the whole story) but we put up with it and she is perfectly nice to him if she is around ours - mainly for mine and DCs sake. But over the years she and DP have got better (not doing a runner like she said he would definatly went in his favour)

So met up with her today for coffee to talk about travel arrangements (memebers of my family are flying in for the wedding and peopl are putting them up collecting from airport etc)
Anyway as we were talking she reaches over and takes my hands in hers looks at me then says 'You know toobilly you could still stop this going ahead no one would think any less of you'
I stood up and told her if she felt like that then she could count herself as uninvited to the wedding. Then walked out of the cafe.

DP at work and don't really know how I'm going to play this one, because I just uninvited my Mum to my wedding (and don't know what DCS will do/say).

Shit - AIBU and over-reacting a tad?

YANBU. But I expect that she will be at the wedding, either she will apologise or you will.

YANBU I would have felt the same!

YANBU

Let her mull it over, phone you and apologise. This is when you re-invite her.

If she does not call to apologise, she does not come.

As for DC's "she doesn't care about the wedding you are lovingly organising and therefore it will be better for her to miss it. We just want people who love and support us there."

Oh and congratulations - hope you have a fabulous day with people who are happy for you!

Whenever you next speak tell her to grow up and get over it, you've been together 18 years? Then she's being a twat. Tell her that you want her at thewedding of the man you love but she must stop disliking your dp for completely rubbish reasons. I take it he has always treated you well, helped with dc etc etc?

Huh
you have 4 kids and been together 18 years and she says you could still stop the wedding going ahead? hasnt the bird kinda flown on that one?

let her stay uninvited i say. what a hurtful and horrible thing to say.

quiet yep he's wonderful and a great dad and has been for the last 18 yrs.

YANBU

hope she gets on the phone soon to apologise!

YANBU sounds like you've been incredibly tolerant of her over the years.

Will it really surprise your dcs? They must surely have an idea of what she's like towards their father.

YABU. Just re-invite her. She cares about you, and will be very hurt to be excluded. You'd regret it too. Perhaps she was just a bit worried that you are being pushed into something you aren't comfortable with by your family. She sounds like an ok mum, and has made an effort to get along with the man she felt took advantage of her daughter. 17 is very young. Who could blame her for being a bit mother tiger.

Not someone who has been with their soon to be husband for 18 years though!

ON-LINE PETITION

Toobilly's Mum - you are out of order on this one. I hope she shows you this thread. If she had only known her DP a year, such an intervention might be classed as due diligence. After 18 years, it is nonsensical. And you are overlooking the wishes and well-being of your grand-children.

So go round and apologise.

Anyone else?

yanbu, I hope she sorts herself out and you have a nice day together as a family.

Sorry, first bit was to ruby

I think you should ask her first why she said it. You mentioned that you would chose to get married in jeans. Do you think you are having some negative vibes about the type of wedding you are having, and she picked that up, and thought you were being negative about your future husband?

Good for you. Do you really want her to turn up at the wedding in a black dress and veil (as happened to a friend of a friend when her mum decided that she didnt approve)?

YANBU

ruby

Perhaps it needs saying to some people-but 18yrs & 4 children??!!

Cretaceous know what you are saying but really after 18yrs the wedding doesn't seem to matter that much which is why me and DP would have just gone to to registry office but not because DCs kicked up a fuss. And actually I'm kind of enjoying it all there is something nice about it.

okay the DCs did sit us down and told us to get married please. We wouldn't have said yes to them if we didn't want to FCS.
It has come up before but somehow life happened apparently 18yrs of it.

I don't know, OP, you say that your grown children have "ordered you to get married". I realise that this is just dialogue as perhaps you don't want to say how thrilled you are but perhaps you said this to your mum also and she's considering it literally, thinking that you're being pushed into it?

I had a friend who kept saying the opposite of what she meant; I didn't always 'get it' and would often take her at her word.

I also agree with Ruby, what your mum said isn't 'bad' and unless you really think that she doesn't have your best interests at heart, you should perhaps offer an olive branch if you don't want this to fester?

I reckon it was the whole shebang and the fact that this is turning out to be a different wedding than the one YOU would have wanted. I think she meant you could just not go ahead with all this, and nip down to the registry office instead. But, I guess that is just me being in a kind and benevolent mood.

yes me and DP take orders from our DCs (16 to 6). We wouldn't have said yes to them if we didn't want to FCS.
It has come up before but somehow life happened apparently 18yrs of it.

And didn't tell mum what they said just that DD1 wanted to organise it so we were letting her.