DH cannot do anything in am to help get 8mth, 3yr old and 4 yrl old ready.

[BratinghamPalace]

He can ONLY get himself ready and am a bit fed up with that. I am a sahm. He goes to the office (at 9am). 4yr old has to be in preschool by 8.30. I get up, get breakfast ready, school lunch and then get them up, dressed, fed and all into the car to drop 4yr old. I think he could dress and feed baby. Am feeling very resentful of him looking very calm and if I ask for help the conceit is that he is getting ready for work. I think he could do one child, I do two, then we are out of the house and in the lovely peace and quiet he can get ready. AIBU? (please say no!)

Of course he can do something, plenty of parents get ready for work at the same time as getting children ready.

I don't think so. They are his kids too why should it be your job only to sort them both out every morning!! surely if he helped it would be nice for kids to have daddy time.

Sorry, he's being an arsehole. Sorry he's being an arsehole. Arsehole.

Be very "ill" one morning and leave him to it.

If he left at 6 I'd understand, but he needs to buck up and do his share. It's not 'helping' it's being a dad!

Dh does lunches and meds whilst I do physio and everything else. It makes a huge difference. Mine are now 6, 4 and 2 and it is being to get easier but It's bloody hard work whilst they are that age!

Tell him that SAHMs don't work 24/7. While he's there, he should help.

... sorry, not help, parent

Hmmm, well I have to get my 3 ready on my own as DH is off out to work by 6am.
I find on days when he's home and he 'helps' I end up leaving later than usual. Considering you have a young baby then I think YANBU as I know it's hard work with 3 including a baby.
But generally I'm fine doing it all myself. It just seems easier.

Blimey, I thought you were going to say he leaves for work' at a normal sort of time, 7 or 7.30. In that case I'd say as a SAHM it would be your duty to do the morning routine. However, as he doesn't have to leave until 9 am of course he should be getting the kids up too. Establish a sensible routine for get ups and breakfast - he can be fully part of it

So he leaves at 9am?

Hell no!! Your DH is just being lazy. He needs to pull his weight. There is no reason that he couldn't help get the kids ready in the morning. I can understand that he may not want to get his work clothes covered in baby cereal, so let him get the 3/4yr olds ready. Usually they are less mucky in the morning and can probably dress themselves to a certain extent. I'd also make him drop 4 yr old off at nursery on his way to work.

Agree with Natasha - H should be doing the preschool drop off every day.

YANBU but sadly it may be a lost cause. I got told off by the head teacher the other day because my kids are often late to school. About half the time. I.E the days my husband takes them in on his way to work.

I get up at 8.15 and get them both dressed and in school by 8.35, hair and teeth brushed, dressed appropriately etc (if they are in at 8.35 the get a free school breakfast). He gets up at 8am on his days and cannot get them in for 8.50 which is when school starts, let alone have them fed and dressed right. I tell him to set the alarm earlier on his days, he says I need to prepare everything and lay it out for him the night before so it is easier.

Why should we have to do it all? Why can't he lay the fecking clothes out the night before, or set the alarm a bit earlier? Why is he so fecking slow in the morning? Drives me mad so YANBU. He says I should just take over every morning since I do it better, but I am not giving in.

Firstly, make packed lunches the night before and keep them in the fridge.

Secondly, get breakfast stuff out and put on the table.

Thirdly, get all the clothes out for the children so that DH will know what they need to wear.

Then tell him the changes that are going to start on 1 January.

Or, if pre-school is in the wrong direction, he waits at home while you drop the 4 year old off. He could make the lunches while he supervises breakfast

flying. because he's an Arsehole (see above)

When both parents are in the house they are both responsible for the children. That's the law in this house anyway. It's completely unfair for one parent to just act like everyone else isn't there and to just toddle off and suit themselves. It's disrespectful and mean IMO.

my dp often drops my middle two off at school and my ds4 off at pre-school on his way to work if he has a 9-9:30 start and he will get up and deal with them whilst i stay in bed wiht baby if she is sleeping!

equally tho i get up and take all 5 off to school if i have to, when we are both at home we share and when he needs to go to work for 7am its my responsibilty, but even then he will make pack ups the night before for them!

YANBU

So you rush around like a blue arsed fly while he casually does up tie and saunters around? I don't think so!

This would drive me crazy. YANBU AT ALL for all the above reasons

give specific instructions, ie "make the breakfast, this cereal in this bowl on this table for this dc"

"bring this jacket and pair of shoes from here and put it on this dc"

nailak - with a star chart for target achieved ?

sorry, I'm being horrible to your DH, OP, but ...really

yanbu. But I get up at 6.30 and get three kids fed, breakfasted and dressed and am out of the door by 7.45 with the nursery run leaving the school run to DH. He gets out of bed when he wants and eats his breakfast in front of the computer. He does the school run, and gets them there on time but does nothing to help them get ready, ever. I think this is shit, but frankly don't have any other options.