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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

DH cannot do anything in am to help get 8mth, 3yr old and 4 yrl old ready.

67 replies

BratinghamPalace · 12/12/2011 18:10

He can ONLY get himself ready and am a bit fed up with that. I am a sahm. He goes to the office (at 9am). 4yr old has to be in preschool by 8.30. I get up, get breakfast ready, school lunch and then get them up, dressed, fed and all into the car to drop 4yr old. I think he could dress and feed baby. Am feeling very resentful of him looking very calm and if I ask for help the conceit is that he is getting ready for work. I think he could do one child, I do two, then we are out of the house and in the lovely peace and quiet he can get ready. AIBU? (please say no!)

OP posts:

PurplePidjInAPearTree · 12/12/2011 18:50

Tell him he's being unutterably pathetic and should man up before you completely lose respect for him and withdraw conjugal privileges

JamieComeHome · 12/12/2011 18:50

another Arsehole

NatashaBee · 12/12/2011 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabbyChic · 12/12/2011 18:52

Do the lunches the night before, get the kids clothes out ready to wear the night before. Get any cereal in the bowls ready for breakfast.

Its easily done if you plan ahead.

I'd not want to be picking up a baby who might puke in my work clothes, you chose to have children so close together, thats life.

naturalbaby · 12/12/2011 18:52

what on earth does he do all morning??

i have a 10month old, 2yr old, 3.6yr old and have to leave the house at 8am to get dc1 to nursery. dh has to leave at 7ish and will have one or all of the kids sitting with him eating breakfast so i can get ready, he'll do a nappy or two, he'll be late for work if i'm having one of my regular meltdowns.

i have been struggling and had some help from a hv and gp so we were pretty much told it had to happen to help me cope. i never ask, i tell him he has to! (or i will have a breakdown because i can't cope. guilt guilt guilt.)

Rhubarbgarden · 12/12/2011 18:52

Yanbu. Time for him to have a reality check. We share it out. Surely he should want to spend a bit of time with them if he's at work all day? Does he help on an evening with bathtime etc?

JamieComeHome · 12/12/2011 18:53

A Fabby - always there to buck the trend!

SardineQueen · 12/12/2011 18:54

Pleased to see that Fabby is advocating the DH doing fuck all as usual.

SardineQueen · 12/12/2011 18:55

Don't you realise it is your job to serve your DH and keep your children out of his way, OP?

Well, DURRRRRR.

CotherMuckingFunticalChristmas · 12/12/2011 18:55

I've just thanked dh for being him after reading this thread.

Men like your dh fuck me off. It's not 'baby sitting' or 'helping' when they're his own children - it's being a parent, as many others have said.

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 12/12/2011 18:56

DH does this all the time. My morning is rush rush rush, try to get DD fed and ready and out of the door. Sometimes I get a shower and sometimes I get breakfast, depends.

His morning is 30 minute bath FFS, nice breakfast while reading the paper, make sandwiches, mooch around etc etc. I have nagged till I'm blue in the face, I've tried just not doing it, the lot. If he's in charge, DD doesn't eat breakfast or get ready in time.

He does do bath and bedtime though. Just wish I had enough time in the morning for a cup of tea sometimes. And I already get up at sparrows' cough.

ladyintheradiator · 12/12/2011 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RobynLou · 12/12/2011 19:06

YANBU
on days that DH is working he's out the door at 7.10. DD1 is an early riser, he gets up with her, gets her breakfast, does some washing up, irons school clothes for the day and makes her packed lunch.
I get up when the baby wakes, if thats not before 7 (rare!) I get woken with tea and muesli before he leaves.
I then get them dressed and brushed, do reading with DD1 and leave for school at 8.30.

elliejjtiny · 12/12/2011 19:13

My dh is the same, drives me mental. My 3 children are 5, 3 and 11 months. To save time I do packed lunches the night before and lay out bags, coat and shoes on the sofa, one cushion for each child. I don't dress the baby until I am home from the school run, just change his nappy, feed him and put his jumper and snowsuit on over his babygrow.

CheerfulYank · 12/12/2011 19:38

Having children three or four years apart is not "so close together" and they both chose to have them, Fabby.

OP, I would tell him that he can drop your preschooler off. The two of you can get things ready the night before (set out clothes etc), your preschooler can dress him/herself, your DH can take him or her to school and you can feed and change the baby.

donteatyourteawithnoknickerson · 12/12/2011 19:44

YANBU at all. We are both up, both doing our share (DH makes all our lunches and breakfasts while I make sure DDs are dressed and washed).

And we are both - shock, horror - going to work. Out at 8am. Your DH is being an arse. Tell him so, and get him to pitch in.

thebigkahuna · 12/12/2011 19:46

YANBU.

I quite happily do the morning routine alone with my two and get DD1 to pre school if DH needs to get in to work early or catch a train or whatever (which is a lot of the time)

But he knows damn well that I am not going to get up at 7 to sort out the kids while he lies in bed til 8.15 then sort himself and himself alone out to get to work for 9.

My DH can sometimes struggle to know what needs doing, and I don't like to feel like I'm issuing orders, so conversations often go along the lines of "who do you want to get dressed, DD1 or DD2?" rather than tellling him what to do.

FlyingSpaghetti - how on earth do you manage this? "I get up at 8.15 and get them both dressed and in school by 8.35"???

thebigkahuna · 12/12/2011 19:50

"I'd not want to be picking up a baby who might puke in my work clothes, you chose to have children so close together"

Yeah, you filthy, sperm stealing harlot, OP. IMAGINE saddling your poor, unsuspecting DH with a BABY when he has to wear work clothes

Women like you make me sick [anger]

thebigkahuna · 12/12/2011 19:51

CheerfulYank · 12/12/2011 19:55

Because Flying said they get breakfast there, Kahuna. :) On MWF ds has breakfast at school, and he often wakes at 7:30 and is out the door at 7:55. Even on the nights I haven't put him to bed in his clothes for the next day. :o

Alouisee · 12/12/2011 19:57

I'm a bit at how late some of you get up?

thebigkahuna · 12/12/2011 19:59

I'm more at her getting herself clean and out of the door by that time tbh Cherrfulyank. 20 mins from bed to school gate? It takes me that long to dry and straighten my hair every morning

FoxyRoxy · 12/12/2011 20:02

Funnily enough when I was a lp I managed to get myself and ds ready for work/school. Yanbu. He is being a lazy git.

mumnotmachine · 12/12/2011 20:04

FSM must send her kids to bed ready dressed!!!
It takes mine 20 mins to prise their eyelids open!!!

fluffytowels · 12/12/2011 20:10

My DH is the same so we've reached a compromise which is tolerable.

He gets up, empties dishwasher and brings me cup of tea in bed . I then shower and get dressed while he has breakfast with DCs. He then gets dressed leisurely whilst I run around organising children and getting them ready for school.

The twice in 2 years he has dropped them off they have been late

It's not perfect but at least he does his fair share before getting ready.

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