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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you invite kids to a party you shouldn't then...

65 replies

buttonmoon78 · 11/12/2011 06:14

expect them to pay?

DD1 is 14. She was invited last night to her friend's birthday party. We dropped her off at her friend's house where they got ready involving lots of make up and hair straightening no doubt and were then taken to the cinema by friend's mum. Who then asked each of them for the money for their ticket.

Thankfully, despite being told be her friend that everything was covered, DH decided to give her £20 out of the Christmas money as he dropped her off so she was ok, but what if he hadn't?

And wouldn't you have made it clear that not everything is covered? I've never asked for a contribution to a party (unless its a grown up one where booe is good!) but if I were to then I would make it very clear! If DD had not had money she would have been mightily embarrassed.

I guess I'm a little over-cross as things are quite (very?) tight at the moment so the £7 for her ticket was destined for Christmas food but AIBU? Would you do that?

OP posts:

Original poster

buttonmoon78 · 11/12/2011 06:16

booe? What on earth is that? Obviously I meant booze!

OP posts:

flamegirl77 · 11/12/2011 06:19

YANBU, it should have been made clear upfront.

MrsCampbellBlack · 11/12/2011 06:34

YANBU - bit odd - was it a proper birthday party or just an outing that the parent was sort of organising?

QuietNinjaMincepie · 11/12/2011 06:39

Tbh at 14 me and my ffriends were going to the cinema by ourselves without adult supervision so would have expected to pay for myself. Surely at that age the parents don't pay for everything? Hmm I'm on officially on the fence as I don't know the answer.

QuietNinjaMincepie · 11/12/2011 06:41

If the £7 for her ticket was for Christmas food why did your dh give her £20?

Sirzy · 11/12/2011 06:46

Quietnight. If you read the op he gave her the £20 so she would have some money with her just incase not expecting it to be used to pay for the ticket having been told it was covered!

troisgarcons · 11/12/2011 06:46

Was it a party? Or just kids going out?

santastooearlymustdache · 11/12/2011 07:15

i would sort of expect the parents to have covered the cost, but probs would have done the same by giving my DC some cash 'just in case'

but...

handing it over sort of gives permission for your DC to spend at least half of it, so if you couldn't spare it, then perhaps you should only have given her the correct money.

santastooearlymustdache · 11/12/2011 07:16

oopsies, too many 'sort ofs' there

Esta3GG · 11/12/2011 07:47

She should have made it clear at the start to avoid embarrassment.

Not really seeing how a trip to the pictures is a "party" either.
I would have coughed up for all of them because I am a mug

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 11/12/2011 08:36

YANBU. If any of my DC are having a party then I fully expect to cover any costs involved.

We regularly take a friend of DDs out with us to things like the cinema, meals, outings etc, and have always paid for her when we've invited her. Her family took DD out earlier this year, swimming, and made DD pay for her own swimming and even made her pay for her own packet of crisps at the poolside afterwards. Luckily DD had some money with her but they had invited her and I assumed that as we've always been generous with their DD then they might reciprocate just the once. Needless to say we don't take their DD out anywhere now.

pigletmania · 11/12/2011 08:55

YANBU at all. You host a party YOU pay! If you expect people to pay you tell them so that they can make a decision whether to come or not, very rude and bad manners.

GwendolineMaryLacedwithBrandy · 11/12/2011 08:57

There was no 'correct money' if it was made out to be a birthday party. I read the £20 as being 'just in case' money.

If my DD was invited to a party I would assume that all costs were taken care of. Otherwise it's just a group of friends going out.

pigletmania · 11/12/2011 09:02

If its a party which I understand it was than its rude and out of order to ask for money like that! I would not be surprised if the parents did ask for money, the amount of stuff i have heard on AIBU in the past. One example that sticks is the op went to her friends dinner party, contributed by bringing wine and some food, and got asked for money for drink , when she had already bought things! The mentality of some.

troisgarcons · 11/12/2011 09:08

Our cinema does film parties - then they all go to pizza hut or nandos for food.

I've never known a 12yo to have a party TBH. They are usually well past thta stage by then. This was probably just a group going out.

Dustinthewind · 11/12/2011 09:08

I would assume that any costs involved would have been made clear at he outset, before the day.
I also have always given my children £20 emergency money when they go out, they return it if there has been no problem. DD is now 21 and still takes her own stashcash with her, it's a good habit to have.
So OP, YANBU and I'd be irritated, but also a little smug that she hadn't been caught out due to your OH thinking ahead.

Dustinthewind · 11/12/2011 09:09

What happened to the children that didn't have cash?

pigletmania · 11/12/2011 09:24

If thats the case trois the information should have been given before, what about children who have turned up with no money!

iamjustlurking · 11/12/2011 09:34

This happend to me when my DD was about 8, she was invited to friends Bday party to the cinema. When I picked her up after I was asked for the £5 to cover her ticket and they proudly said the had covered cost for McD happy meal. !

I was so shocked I just paid up, in hindsight wish I said I hadn't any cash on me and waited for the baliff letter :o

The best part is they live in massive house, quite well off, he is really high up in the police force. I am a single mum of 3. Had the parents been genuinely short and it was the only way the DD could have a party I wouldn't have minded "helping" in the least.

catcherintherain · 11/12/2011 09:39

did your dd take a present?? I know some people think it grabby but often it's a sort of take a present in exchange for having a nice (free) time. If your daughter ended up paying for herself and taking a gift then it seems a bit much. Unless of course this is the done thing in her group of friends (paying for oneself)>

iamjustlurking · 11/12/2011 09:42

My daughter had taken a gift too as I wasn't expecting to fund the party.

andaPontyinaPearTreeeeee · 11/12/2011 09:42

YANBU. We will probably have to ask for contributions when our DCs are older, if finances are the same as now anyway!

But I would always make it clear before invitations even went out. How hard is it to say "DD was hoping to have a cinema party for her birthday, would it be ok if you paid for your DD's ticket?"

lollopybear · 11/12/2011 09:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

manticlimactic · 11/12/2011 09:46

My DD is 15 and she went for a meal with her friend for her birthday and about 7 others. She had to pay for the meal. Wasn't bothered. As they get older things cost more so the girl probably would have a choice of one or two friends for a meal and mother pays or lots of friends and they pay.

Although she has another one today. Bowling and a meal and she doesn't have to pay. Well I hope not as I'm brassic until payday!

SkivingAgain · 11/12/2011 09:46

YANBU - one of my son's friends mother made a big deal about inviting them all to a paintball party, how very generous we thought. But, on the day the boys had to pay for the paintballs, which was about £20 worth to have a decent game. I remember being very pissed cheesed off. When she tried to pull the same stunt the following year, sadly we were busy doing something else.

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