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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think if you invite kids to a party you shouldn't then...

65 replies

buttonmoon78 · 11/12/2011 06:14

expect them to pay?

DD1 is 14. She was invited last night to her friend's birthday party. We dropped her off at her friend's house where they got ready involving lots of make up and hair straightening no doubt and were then taken to the cinema by friend's mum. Who then asked each of them for the money for their ticket.

Thankfully, despite being told be her friend that everything was covered, DH decided to give her £20 out of the Christmas money as he dropped her off so she was ok, but what if he hadn't?

And wouldn't you have made it clear that not everything is covered? I've never asked for a contribution to a party (unless its a grown up one where booe is good!) but if I were to then I would make it very clear! If DD had not had money she would have been mightily embarrassed.

I guess I'm a little over-cross as things are quite (very?) tight at the moment so the £7 for her ticket was destined for Christmas food but AIBU? Would you do that?

OP posts:

IloveJudgeJudy · 11/12/2011 22:13

DS2 (13) was just invited to a birthday party this weekend. it was pay for yourself for the cinema, then back to boy's house for food. DS didn't go as it would have cost him £9.50 (3D film plus glasses) and he didn't want to see the film. If he had, then he would have paid. This seems to be the way things are going now. Haven't got a problem with it so long as you know beforehand.

nailak · 11/12/2011 22:24

After my 12th birthday my parents no longer paid or accompanied us on birthday outings. Until I was 16, this was the norm. A group of girls went out without family for meal etc we often had seperate paid for parties for family. The girl may have been embarassed her mum wasn't paying so lied.

lurkinginthebackground · 11/12/2011 22:49

Hmmm a bit tricky. I am of the opinion that either
a) It's my birthday this week and mum says I can go to the cinema, would you like to come? Then probably everyone should pay for themselves but transpaort is taken care of. Whereas
b) I am having my birthday party at such and such and my mum says I can invite 5 friends, would you like to come? Then i would take this as the host is paying.
Fwiw my son went to thecinema for his 13th and I paid for him and a friend. I also took some sweets for them.

cat64 · 12/12/2011 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

wahwahwah · 12/12/2011 15:06

Should have been clearer - especially since it was for a birthday treat, so you wouldn't expect to have to cough up.

Jelly15 · 12/12/2011 15:36

YANBU. BIL and SIL invited us out to a meal to celebrate Nephew's 18th, then when waitress came he told her separate bills for each family as we are all paying for ourselves, first DH and I had heard of it. At the time our DC were tiny and we were skint. Two years later we declined the invite for neices's 18th and they were shocked. I was blamed because I am an evil SIL.

halcyondays · 12/12/2011 15:45

Yanbu, if it was supposed to be a birthday party, then it seems cheeky if them to expect her to pay and without even explaining that she would need to pay in advance. You wouldn't mind so much if they explained beforehand that they wanted her to pay. What would happen if some of them hadn't brought any money with them, they may just have brought a present with them, and not expected to need any money?

nailak · 12/12/2011 15:50

actually it was more likely if we went out for someones birthday, we would pay for them, then they pay for us, its their birthday! why should they pay????

nailak · 12/12/2011 15:50

did anyone else think it would be paid for? or maybe your daughter was afraid she wouldnt beable to go if she needed money etc? if everyone else knew that they were payint then communication seems to be fine imo!

AbbyAbsinthe · 12/12/2011 16:03

If this had been my daughter, I would have sent her with money just in case the lines of communication were blurred, tbh. I would never expect someone to pay for a load of teenagers to go to the cinema, birthday or not, it would cost a fortune!

stealthsquiggle · 12/12/2011 16:12

It's a communication thing - I think, like the OP, I would have sent "just in case" money (and evidently everyone did, so host parents got away with it) , but no way would I have expected them to have to pay unless it had been specified on invitations. I suppose, being charitable, if invitations were verbal, then it may have been lost in translation, but if I was hosting and expecting people to pay I would have made it crystal clear.

YANBU, OP.

Original poster

buttonmoon78 · 12/12/2011 16:16

Nailak everyone was in the same boat. There were only 3 of them plus the birthday girl so it wasn't really a 'load of teenagers' and they (thankfully) all brought emergency money with them too.

I know what you mean about adults too - we've taken people out for a birthday treat and paid before now, but I think expecting a bunch of 14yo to pay for the birthday-ee is a bit much!

And yes, to all who've said - had I known, it wouldn't have been such an issue. The money was earmarked and we are pretty careful at the moment, but £7 is not going to make the difference between eating or not at Christmas!

I was just a bit shocked at the assumption that people would/could pay having been told it was all covered.

OP posts:

spiderpig8 · 12/12/2011 16:20

was there a written party invitation, or was it all word of mouth between the girls.If the former YANBU, if the latter then i would expect it's crossed wires

Original poster

buttonmoon78 · 12/12/2011 16:24

All via text. Which I have seen.

OP posts:

AbbyAbsinthe · 12/12/2011 16:35

Ah well, that's different then. I would be miffed at that too.

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