to think Godparents should buy their Godchildren a Christmas present?

[ChristinaF]

I have three DDs. DD1 and DD3 receive lovely presents every year from their Godparents. Similarly I send my Godchildren nice presents at Christmas and birthdays.

Poor DD2, not only do two of her Godparents pretty much forget all about her, the third has sent me a text this year saying that she is making a donation to charity instead of buying DD2 a Christmas present. DD2 is upset as every year she sees her sisters receive lots of lovely presents and she feels that her Godparents don't care about her at all. DD2 is not grasping and neither am I. I just think it is normal to give a small gift at Christmas. What do you think?

I think you chose shit godparents

ahh jeez, i have 8 God children and each of them get something, only little but something at least.

I try to give them something a bit special for birthdays though, something personal from me to them.

Depends on the God parents circs really, can they afford it?

I think YABU.

It's nice if they do, but it's not the end of the world if they don't.

Maybe if you feel your DD2 needs another present to open, get her one and tell her it's from her GP's? I wouldn't though.

Yes they can afford it, especially the one is making the charity donation. She is very well off indeed.

I'm sure she doesn't mean badly, she's very kind but she doesn't have children and I don't think she understands how much it would mean to DD2 to receive something from her.

No one has to buy anyone a present . They can choose to and that is kind and generous.

Godparents are not giftparents, its whether they are involved with the child and how that matters.

(Though I appreciate that children see the present thing and equality with siblings as rather important....)

That said I have always bought goddaughter birthday and christmas presents. And have always bought for her sister too. So I was a bit annoyed when I finally had a DC and parents of goddaughter did not even buy a token first christmas/first birthday present for my DS.

I think its difficult when there are siblings as there's a slight pressure to also buy for siblings and say you have 4 godchildren each with one or two siblings - well it gets a bit much.

Birthdays are different I think.

I think it is a bit "off" of the godparents who do buy presents to only get a present for one child when there are two other siblings. Presumably the godparent knows all the children anyway.

No I wont send my god child a gift. He is my godson but also one of 9 nieces and nephews. Im not going to just send him a gift...it looks bad on the rest.

Oh shit i just remembered I have two of them

I would never expect a Godparent to buy anything for a sibling, and indeed I don't with my own Godchildren. And it really isn't to do with the value of the present. It is just that poor DD2 feels her Godparents aren't interested in her and it makes me really cross because I still see them all regularly and for example one of the ones that never sends anything recently had a baby and I sent a present even though she never sends DD2 anything.

The godmother of my children has never bought my children gifts for any reason, and I am not a bit bothered. She is my best friend, lives in another country and rings me up regularly to chat, ask how the kids are, etc. If something awful happened to any of us she'd be here in a heartbeat, which is what really counts.

No one has to give anyone a gift...

As a child I found the godparent thing hard to grasp. All I knew was that my Dad's best friend would buy my brother a big present while I got a small token. I was told this was because he was my brother's godfather. My godmother, meanwhile, was my Dad's sister, and she bought equally sized small gifts for my brother and I because of course she was also auntie to both of us. So as a child I always felt vaguely hard done by. But I don't think you can dictate what godparents do or don't do, present-wise. Surely the point of them is to raise their godchildren as Christians in the event of the parents death? Dd doesn't have godparents. I don't see the point, personally.

All my childhood i had a xmas present from a godmother, who my mum told me years later was never my godmother, she was godmother to all my sisters and brothers and just assumed she had been one to me aswel.

My Goddaughters are siblings, and the DC of my best friend. I've always bought them a little something, but now they're my GD I'll spend a little more.

Only one of my Godparents ever sent me any gifts, and i treasured every one of them. I wouldn't insist on a gift, but i do find it a little odd!

The role of godmother isn't anything to do with present buying. I also find the idea of only buying for one sibling when you know them all very odd.

My godson has 3 brothers but I buy for all 4 of them for Christmas and birthdays.

No obviously I am not going to insist on a gift, I just feel sad for DD2 because it is like Tonks says about treasuring the presents she received, it is about feeling special to someone outside of the immediate family.

Hmm. We are Godparents to twins who have two siblings and always get all 4 of them equal presents at Christmas. Seriously hadn't occurred to me to just get presents for the Godchildren - that seems a bit mean. And yes, it's not cheap buying all 4 of them pressies each birthday and Christmas, and posting them from the other side of the world. The postage itself sometimes costs as much as the present.

I can see why you're a bit miffed on behalf of your DD, but short of actuallynsaying something to the GM in question, you're both just going to have to suck it up.

I can understand. I honestly can. My kids have one aunt who never sends anything. We've had big family discussions about how we are happy to have anything - an emailed promise to come on Skype a read a bedtime story would be hugely and immensely valued - but still she persists in not bothering. Some people just don't show they care in this way. I don't know in what way she shows my kids she cares - she never writes, calls, emails them. DS emailed her for her birthday. DS's was ten days later - nothing. She could have said "thanks love, hope yours is great too" and that would have been an improvement!

Deep down, I know she cares in her heart. But I do sometimes wish for something more tangible for my kids to see it! That said, giving is a choice and we can't make people do it. You and I both need to get over it and move on, sadly.

My brother and I each had 3 godparents. When we were children he got lovely presents from all 3 of his, and I got nothing from 1 and a combined present from the other 2 (fair enough as they were a married couple). It did seem a bit unfair to me, but when I was older the married couple really came into their own (I think they were the kind of people who weren't that keen on small children - had none of their own) and used to take me out to the theatre, ballet or a concert once a year - a very special treat for a young girl. So it evened out in the end. Maybe DD2's godmother giving the charitable donation may turn out to be the same?

We also have the problem that some of our kids' godparents have not chosen us as godparents (for various good reasons - we are not offended at all) so as they buy our kids presents I feel obliged to buy for their kids even though we are not godparents! It's a minefield isn't it?!

Do the God parents see your DD receives religious education?

Do they make sure she goes to church?

If you're not particularly religious and got your kids christened for the sake of it, are they interested in your child's personal development etc?

That's what being a God parent is about...not sending presents even if they are 'well off'.

It's not really a minefield. If close friends have children I buy presents for them. I don't see being godmother or not as something which changes that!