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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My in-laws (DS Grandparents) spend more than us on Christmas presents for DS

66 replies

metropolis · 10/12/2011 03:14

My DS is nearly 3 and last Christmas and this Christmas my in-laws have bought more expensive and bigger presents than us for our DS. I know they want to spoil him, they have a good pension, whereas we struggle financially, but how would it appear to my DS that he gets larger than life presents from his grandparents than his own parents?

OP posts:

nailak · 10/12/2011 03:30

That he is lucky and has a loving, caring family?

whyme2 · 10/12/2011 03:30

He is 3 - do you think he will notice?

We have a similar thing in our family, my dh's parents are comfortably off and have been shopping for christmas since August. I don't see it as a problem really, in fact I find it nice knowing the dcs will have a good time and the pressure is taken off dh and myself. By the way my oldest is 8 and I don't think she has really taken notice of it.

shemademedoit · 10/12/2011 03:30

He's 3! It won't even occur to him.

DingDongDialsMavislyOnHigh · 10/12/2011 03:58

Please don't worry. I have had this exIL are dangerously extravagant with gifts for DS. He didn't notice until he was about 5 . He did then have a slight bit of favouritism towards that GM rather than my Mum but he soon realised that nannas fun is as valid as grandmas cash! At 8 he knows who it is ok to ask for what IYSWIM.

NeuromanticisedVisionsofXmas · 10/12/2011 04:13

He's 2. He'll be distracted by shiny wrapping paper.

empirestateofmind · 10/12/2011 05:10

Just hope this is still happening when he is 15. It would be lovely if the GPs bought the expensive stuff for our teenagers .

AwayinaKayzr · 10/12/2011 05:19

It wouldn't bother me at all. He won't notice and it means he gets lots of wrapping paper to play with.

Iamseeingstars · 10/12/2011 05:32

appreciate it while you can, but put the toys away and bring them out through the year so your son gets new stuff regulrly rather than lots at once, At 2 he is not going to remember where anything came from

HughBastard · 10/12/2011 05:44

Oh my god what a terrible problem. How are you bearing up?

iscream · 10/12/2011 05:59

OP, I get what you are saying. You are not being unreasonable to speak to them and ask them to control themselves with the presents if both you and you dp are in agreement. Christmas does not have to be so materialistic, and if they are causing you guys to feel badly, speak up.

nooka · 10/12/2011 06:14

My mother's parents always bought the best Christmas presents (often in the biggest most exciting boxes). It was great, we really appreciated it, and I still treasure some of them (they died before I was 10). It didn't make me love my parents any less, it was just very nice to have generous grandparents who found lovely presents for us. My father's parents on the other hand often gave us rather odd presents (one year I got a set of plastic farm animals, the next a beautiful necklace, you could never tell if they even really remembered how old we were!). I think this is the sort of thing that children learn are just how their families are. So long as you don't make an issue of it, or your ILs are acting in some way to hurt you I really don't think this should be a problem.

seeker · 10/12/2011 06:19

"OP, I get what you are saying. You are not being unreasonable to speak to them and ask them to control themselves with the presents if both you and you dp are in agreement. Christmas does not have to be so materialistic, and if they are causing you guys to feel badly, speak up."

Yep. Speak up and throw their generosity in their faces and make them feel bad. They are members of that sub- species called "awomansinlaws" and it's well known they have no real feelings.

Flubba · 10/12/2011 06:22

The same goes for us and I'm more than happy with the situation! They can afford it, we can't. I doubt my DCs (or yours!) will mind one way or the other! :)

Flubba · 10/12/2011 06:32

fwiw I have asked them not to buy things that are 'too big' as we don't have the space and I've asked them not to buy too much as I don't like the idea of them having so many things they don't know if they're coming or going.

andaPontyinaPearTreeeeee · 10/12/2011 06:37

I'd be chuffed :o assuming it is purely that they want to spoil him, rather than some sort of oneupmanship. Or if it was all crap they spent the money on.

My parents freely admit they hate choosing/shopping for presents, so we always choose something and ask if that's ok. Normally it is something we would like them to have but cannot afford. This year DS got a trike and DD got a bike for their 2nd/4th birthdays, so definitely more than what we spent. This Xmas I went a bit overboard myself, and only asked for one particular joint present from them.

There would be no point in spending loads just to match what my parents sometimes spend.

I think if you want your DCs to have something that makes them happy, it shouldn't matter who it comes from - you still get to see them play with it :)

iscream · 10/12/2011 06:41

I would hope they used tact and diplomacy if they spoke to them, not throw anything in anyone's faces. I love my in-laws, I am not of the in-law (or anybody)haters club at all.

jaggythistle · 10/12/2011 06:43

I kind of know what you mean, but I don't think you can/should do anything.

my in-laws are extremely generous too and i do feel strangely uncomfortable sometimes. it's not just gifts though, they really want to help us and also BIL/SIL.

when DH's DB wanted to buy a new house, they helped them out and gave us the same amount! i was kind of speechless as it was enough to pay off our small mortgage as our house is smaller and much less fashionable. :) they wanted us to have the money now rather than their sons waiting to inherit it.

it has changed our life completely so i don't be
grudge them wanting to be generous.

although i do have to try not to make this face [shocked] sometimes!

i guess I'll explain to DS sometime if he ever notices the difference between the gps gifts.

sorry, i totally hijacked and sidetracked your thread there!

TheProvincialLady · 10/12/2011 06:55

Your son is not going to be totting up the receipts from yours and your in laws' presents and making unfavourable comparisons. So stop fretting and have a nice Christmas - it's not a competition. Father Christmas moves in mysterious ways.

NeedlesCuties · 10/12/2011 08:27

YABU, sorry.

When I was 4 years old my gran bought me a real fur coat. Cost her a lot and was something my parents would never have bought.

I howled and cried my eyes out thinking she'd killed her neighbours dogs and cats.

That was one expensive gift that didn't turn out so well!

aldiwhore · 10/12/2011 08:33

My children get more spoiled by my parents than they do buy us, and that is how it should be in many ways, its saves us a lot of money, money that we need for their needs, and really, to the children its just stuff. They're grateful, but they don't want to run off and live with the grandparents because of it.

YABU.

Father Christmas also delivers a much larger pile to my parents house than he does to ours... that IS a bugbear of mine, Father Christmas visits here ONLY and in this house, is only a glorified postman who is paid by us. Added to the fact that FC delivers to my mum's house, there's also the added complication of timing, we celebrate Christmas with my parents in January! The children though, do not care.

Starshaped · 10/12/2011 08:33

YABU. We often got our big presents (like bikes) from our grandparents. They loved being able to do it and we loved them doing it. We also got our pocket money from our grandparents rather than mum and dad.

It didn't mean we loved our parents any less or thought less of their pressies.

mmmSprouts · 10/12/2011 08:34

I can't see the problem myself. If you are worried that your son will think you love him less because you have spent less on him, then maybe you are basing love on materialistic things, not a way to raise a child really. I am sure, at the age of 3, he will be pleased with whatever he gets.

Why don't you ask them if you can add their presents to the pile you have so he can open them all at the same time, making it look like they all came from Father Christmas? My MIL and BIL do this, and it means I don;t have to buy as much. Invite them over to watch him open all the presents on Christmas morning as well.

QueenOfAllBiscuitsandMuffins · 10/12/2011 08:47

God in-laws are evil aren't they? They should be taken out and shot in front of their families as soon as the wedding register has been signed.

Good grief OP look at it this way, the more the GPs spend on the kids the less money you have to spend on the kids which means more money for wine. And cake, but mostly wine so you can relax.

duckdodgers · 10/12/2011 09:09

Of all the things I've ever read here on MN about people bitching complaining about their in-laws this really takes the

I would love to have your "problem" - in-laws who actually love their grandchildren and want to buy them presents as opposed to having someone who is disinterested. Its about having them in your child's life that matters.

SarahSlaughter · 10/12/2011 09:25

I understand where you are coming from but everyone else is right your wee boy won't know or care.

Also remember that his favourite present won't necessarily be the most expensive thing.

Relax, and mske sure you send both sets of GPs a nice thank you cards.

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