To contact my Grandmother after 30 years to ask why she didn't tell me my Father had died?

[BeaHededd]

Ok this may be a long post but don't want to drip feed.
My parents split when I was 5 years old due to his infidelity. We moved back to my Mothers home town and were homeless for a while my Mum managed to buy our house which was tiny and had an outside loo so nothing flash while my Father still had the family home (bought in his parents name)
He never had any contact with myself or my Brother despite many attempts by my Mum.
When my DB was 15 and undergoing severe bullying at school he instigated contact with my Father who invited him to stay for a few weeks of the holidays with a friend. They got he train to Lincolnshire ( we are in Wales) turned up at agreed time and no one was there. They found their way to his house no answer. They rung home for the Granparents address turned up and were refused entry by our Grandmother on the basis they were strangers so had to sleep at the station til the morning train.
No explanation was ever forthcoming and no more contact for about 9 years until by a huge strike of fate I had joined the Airforce and was posted to the same town in Lincolnshire that my Father lived in and saw him in a supermarket (my DB is the image of him) so I said his name and explained who I was and that he had a Grand daughter and gave him my number.
He rang me that night and told me he had cancer and was scared of going to the hospital for his appointment in two weeks time so I agreed to get the day off work and meet him there.He never turned up or answered the phone again.
I went to my Grandmothers house and she told me that Me my Brother and my Mother were his biggest mistake and he wanted nothing to do with us.
I accepted this and just continued with my life but last year but when DS2 was born I had a pull to tell him so looked him up on the internet only to find he had died in 2007.
My Grandmother is still in the same house and same phone number (friend in area)
So do I write and express disappointment at not being told as we are his only children or just leave it?
Sorry for length of post but wanted to give all information.

Bea this is really sad, what a lot of rejection to cope with.

Of course you should have been told your father had died.

I suspect your grandmother will never deliver any happiness, but I hope that writing the card gives you a little bit of peace, saying what you needed to in the nicest possible way.

You have behaved with great dignity and it says a lot about you and your wonderful mum.

All the best x

Bea, I hope this all works out for you. I do think that if your grandmother ignores the card, that's probably the best place to draw the line. You'll know you've done what you can, but there's no reason for you to keep exposing yourself to rejection.

As for the will issue, one might also argue that if your father died without a will, he was happy for the usual intestacy provisions to apply. So if you do decide to try and get a share of what you're morally and legally entitled to, there's your ethical justification. I can see why you wouldn't want to bother though. Hope you find peace and closure in whatever decision you decide to make.