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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to advertise for a mother's help?

58 replies

lisaleelu · 09/12/2011 21:48

firstly I'll start by saying I am not rich - far from it. I am not in the income bracket to normally have 'help' and I certainly dont live in the sort of area where people get help.

BUT I work, dh work we have 2 kids and 4 sick parents.PIL. I NEED help. We pay for nursery and ironing.

I was thinking it might be best pay someone to drop and pick kids up, do some cleaning and ironing and possibly help out with elderly parents (i dont mean personal care - just things like cleaning and promptiing with meds).

I have mentioned it to dh and a friend and they are like yes ok get help but you need a number of diff people - a cleaner to clean, a childminder to pick up and drop off, laundry to iron and carer to help with mum. BUT i think i should just advertise for one person to do it all.

What do you think - is it gettig ideas above my station to have a helper?

OP posts:
gaunyerseljeannie · 09/12/2011 21:55

Get your parents to apply for Attendance allowance to pay for their share.
It would be easier for you to have one person.

ellangirl · 09/12/2011 21:57

I have worked as a mothers help in the past, I did laundry ironing, cooking for the whole family and child care including picking up from school. I also walked the dogs. Basically all the things a mother might do on a daily basis. By all means advertise for someone. I am sure there will be someone more than willing to do those things for you, providing the duties are reasonable and agreed beforehand.

BeaHededd · 09/12/2011 21:59

I second the attendance allowance suggestion it is available for anyone that needs assistance for day to day living.
This would give you the spare cash to employ some one who was able to help, advertising in the local paper may help more than going to an agency who may very well recommend more than one person.

OldGreyWassailTest · 09/12/2011 22:00

gauny I applied for Attendance Allowance for my mother, aged 91. The only thing she can do now is wash herself and put a delivered ready meal in the microwave. She cannot do anything else. They turned her down!

squeakytoy · 09/12/2011 22:01

You dont need a number of different people, you need a person with a number of different life skills. There must be plenty of women or even men out there who would be happy to do all that you require.

I would say your ideal candidate would be a woman who has had children, but no longer needs to run around after them, who has a driving licence, who has experience of looking after the elderly too. There must be a heck of a lot of mums around who fit that criteria, who feel there is nothing on the job market that would suit them because they havent actually been "employed" for years.

splashymcsplash · 09/12/2011 22:06

If you can afford it and feel you need the help, then why not?

Who cares what other people think?

HandMini · 09/12/2011 22:07

Yes, definitely one person, who's happy to be flexible and jump to whatever needs doing most. Good luck in your search.

Original poster
lisaleelu · 09/12/2011 22:11

Yes going to get attendance allowance for my parents (or at least i think i will - both have dementia) to help pay for it - plus i get parents state pensions - dad has a private pension that pays all their bills. so i just pay for their food, gardener , cleaner out of state pension.

I can afford to pay the mothers help - it is just the idea of getting help is a bit odd where we live.

I suppose it is all about getting the right person - i need someone flexible, good with kids, with initiative to know what needs doing, and own car to drop kids at school. School is very local.

Was thinking of offering post at £7 per hour - any advice of wording ad appreciated.

OP posts:
RitaMorgan · 09/12/2011 22:11

Sounds like you just need another one of you to split the load with - a mother's help is perfect if you can afford it.

Original poster
lisaleelu · 09/12/2011 22:27

How does this sound:

Mother's HELP

Mature person needed to help with cleaning, ironing, dropping children at school and genrel household tasks. Own car needed. Must be flexible, good with children and have initiative.
3 days a weeks approx 4 hours per day. (£400 per month)
Hours flexible but must be able to look after and drop kids off 8am to 9am and 3.15-4.15am

OP posts:
Pantofino · 09/12/2011 22:35

I would definitely say Go for it. I need one of these! But you don't mention your parents/PIL in the ad. If the help you need includes doing stuff with them - then you should. People responding the ad might be happy with elderly parents OR small children but not necessarily both.

Original poster
lisaleelu · 09/12/2011 22:38

Was going to mention them in the chat later. They live very close . Not sure how i would word them in the add.

OP posts:
gaunyerseljeannie · 09/12/2011 22:38

Ask at CAB if they have an advisor that will help you reapply. It really helps. They will help with an appeal as well. Or there might be another agency that supports carers that would do it.
Your ad sounds good but general not genrel ( sorry I'm a spelling nazi)

SixFeetUnder · 09/12/2011 22:40

Definitely go for it, I would if I were in your shoes. I wouldn't worry what others may think of you, the ones that matter have also told you to go for it. Good luck, there's bound to be someone who this will be an ideal job for.

BTW your ad says 3.15 - 4.15am, assume this is a typo! Good luck getting anyone for those hours Xmas Grin

Original poster
lisaleelu · 09/12/2011 22:41

i've had a couple of drinks - i am actualy a English teacher!!!

OP posts:
sleepdodger · 09/12/2011 22:41

Do you want someone crb checked? Might be worth saying if so!

Original poster
lisaleelu · 09/12/2011 22:42

yes should be 3.15-4.15pm

OP posts:
Pantofino · 09/12/2011 22:43

"3 days a weeks approx 4 hours per day. (£400 per month)
Hours flexible but must be able to look after and drop kids off 8am to 9am and 3.15-4.15am"

I think you need to be more clear about what you want this person to do.

Do you want school run only, or supervising breakfast/and or home work/tea etc.

Original poster
lisaleelu · 09/12/2011 22:44

no not bothered by crb -think it is a load of crap

OP posts:
thebigkahuna · 09/12/2011 22:46

I'll do it Grin

Pantofino · 09/12/2011 22:48

And some months are longer than others,,, I would advertise a weekly wage - say £10 x 12 hours.

Original poster
lisaleelu · 09/12/2011 22:51

ok - ideally i want someone to come to muy house at 8 - drop kids off at school at 9 - so supervise breakfast and get them ready for school.

Come back to the house do some general houeswork/ ironing

Nip up to my parents house - check they have took their various tablets and do some light housework there. Finish about 11am.

Pick up kids at 3.15 and supervise until me or dh get home at approx 4.15.

C

OP posts:
Original poster
lisaleelu · 09/12/2011 22:54

Well actually dont need nearly as much support in school holidays. As i am a teacher. So thought saying £400 per month and flexibility would seem reasonable. prob only need half the time in school holidays -but would pay same.

OP posts:
RitaMorgan · 09/12/2011 22:56

You're wanting quite a bit done between 9am-11am I think - is it practical?

Also might be tough finding one person prepared to do 8-11am and then 3-4pm.

Maybe a live-in au pair?

pinkyp · 09/12/2011 22:59

I'll do it! Grin