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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to advertise for a mother's help?

58 replies

lisaleelu · 09/12/2011 21:48

firstly I'll start by saying I am not rich - far from it. I am not in the income bracket to normally have 'help' and I certainly dont live in the sort of area where people get help.

BUT I work, dh work we have 2 kids and 4 sick parents.PIL. I NEED help. We pay for nursery and ironing.

I was thinking it might be best pay someone to drop and pick kids up, do some cleaning and ironing and possibly help out with elderly parents (i dont mean personal care - just things like cleaning and promptiing with meds).

I have mentioned it to dh and a friend and they are like yes ok get help but you need a number of diff people - a cleaner to clean, a childminder to pick up and drop off, laundry to iron and carer to help with mum. BUT i think i should just advertise for one person to do it all.

What do you think - is it gettig ideas above my station to have a helper?

OP posts:
Original poster
lisaleelu · 09/12/2011 23:01

Well considred au pair - but few issues - firstly no spare bedrooms . Secondly as my parent involved in the mix - not sure a younger adult (as au pairs tend to be) will have th life experience and initiative to do.

I only work pt so it is only 3 days a week so thought the split shift might be reasonable.

OP posts:
sweetsantababy · 09/12/2011 23:09

YANBU. Of course get help if you can afford it. I lived in area where no one had help, I went against the grain and had a doula, it was helpful to me and my family. Smile

scarlettsmummy2 · 09/12/2011 23:24

I am an ex recruitment consultant, and I think you will struggle to get someone to do both the school runs. It means they may be unable to work else where as their day is too broken up. You will get a much bigger pull of applicants if you pick one or the other. Many people won't want to start work then stop again.

Original poster
lisaleelu · 09/12/2011 23:30

Maybe i could just get someone to do mornings and kids could go to after school club in the afternoon. I think you might be right about the split shift.

OP posts:
lisad123 · 09/12/2011 23:33

It sounds like a wonderful job, apart from the ironing. Wink
I think it's fine but you do need to make it clear in the ad that they would be required to help with parents too.
I would be tempted to put kids in breakfast club and then have someone start at parents house about 12-1.30 and then quick small chores at yours before picking kids up and waiting for you to return home.

Pantofino · 09/12/2011 23:39

If you have a breakfast club - then I agree with Lisa - get someone who can do afternoons - check on the old people, do some ironing, school pickup etc. That is a much clearer job description.

IneedAChristmasNickname · 09/12/2011 23:39

I'd do it if I had a car!

Original poster
lisaleelu · 09/12/2011 23:39

I understand what you mean about braskfast club - and that maybe the way it goes BUT kids are not good in the am - they are only 4 now - twins- and hate being dropped off. I think if they could form a relationship with thr help it would be much better

OP posts:
lisad123 · 09/12/2011 23:42

Surely at between breakfasts, getting dressed and getting to school they aren't going to be building too much of a relationship though. Just my opinion.

Pantofino · 09/12/2011 23:48

ooh no. I am not good in the morning. "please get dressed dd" repeat ad infinatum.

wantanewname · 09/12/2011 23:51

I also think a live in au pair would solve your problems if you have the space. You pay board and lodgings plus whatever extra you pay au pairs and they do the things you ask in your house but I'm not sure what you'd do about your parents (unless you maybe offer to pay the same all year in return for helping with your parents too? not sure really).

fraktious · 10/12/2011 03:18

Look on great au pair - they have a tick box for elderly care but you have no space so would need someone already living locally, which is more expensive than an AP as it's at least minimum wage/hour.

HairyBeaver · 10/12/2011 06:06

Where abouts are you? Would love that sort of work! Smile

I think 8-12 would be good hours as they can get kids ready and dropped off then that leaves 3 hours to do your housework then go to parents/ILS and help them Smile

joanofarchitrave · 10/12/2011 06:31

I think it sounds like a nice job - enough hours to make it worthwhile IYSWIM. Now you need minimum 24 hours a week for tax credits IMO you are more likely to get responses. I would advertise for these hours in the first instance and then split it if you get no joy.

Perhaps call it a 'family helper' and in the advert replace 'general household tasks' with 'household tasks and medication support for older couple'.

TroublesomeEx · 10/12/2011 06:54

I'd advertise too.

Would also get the elderly parents to apply for Attendance Allowance as others have suggested. The worst that will happen is they say no...

HairyBeaver · 10/12/2011 07:35

Do you really now need to work 26 hours to qualify for TC/WTC? What if your partner works FT? Arghhhh Sad

liger · 10/12/2011 07:46

Please don't allow this country's class based society to make you feel guilty for using common sense to make the best decision for your family!

There should be no shame in asking for help when it will make a difference to three generations of a family and enable you to be the person you are around them rather then a stressed out martyr.
Be proud that you are putting your families wellbeing ahead of other peoples opinions!

longjane · 10/12/2011 08:01

you can have a live in mother helper maybe at your parents place if there is no room at yours?
they can also have babysitting/parentsitting in their hours
you will find some one but they wont be good at everything so if child/parent care that is most in important go for that if good cleaner is what you need go for that
you will have to give direction ie spell out what you them to do each day. you could also have them at yours in after noon prep the dinner

whose car would they use?
if they use their own you would have to pay petrol and make sure it was insured
and dont for get to pay their tax
as they might well have a second job
karen

ellangirl · 10/12/2011 11:31

They don't have to be an employee of yours, it's easier for you if you make sure they are self employed so they do their own tax etc

Birdsgottafly · 10/12/2011 11:49

OP have your parents had an assessment by SS.

Do you have control over their care ie under the law.

Helping you out is one thing but tread carefully when choosing someone to care for your parents. If they are just to prompt with medication then that is fine but once additional help is needed then the legalities increase as whoever decides to take over their care has a responsibility to see that it is of a certain standard.

You will know and be able to judge this. Have your parents got EMI involvement?

fraktious · 10/12/2011 12:08

ellan very dodgy ground there. HMRC are picking on small employers who are often innocently using SE people and whacking a £3k fine on them.

Use the employment status indicator but I feel that this wouldn't qualify because it's fixed hours and duties with no right of substitution.

Also many people won't want to go SE because they lose holiday, sick and maternity rights.

SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan · 10/12/2011 12:13

you want one lovely and flexible person. so long as you assign them enough hours to reasonably do everything in i can't see a problem.

i used to pick up two girls from school, do their homework with them, cook the family dinner, unload/load dishwasher, get the washing out of the machine and hang it out etc. was a job i had at university and the family were lovely and treated me beautifully so they could've have asked me to do anything and i wouldn't have minded within reason.

treat them well, give them lots of autonomy and space and enough hours in which to do the job without it being a nightmare and you will have no problems imo.

SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan · 10/12/2011 12:14

isn't under 16hrs a week fine? i thought no income tax etc paid on that. so a student would be ideal.

SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan · 10/12/2011 12:14

or cash in hand for an active pensioner.

FabbyChic · 10/12/2011 12:15

Its not the hours you work that deems whether you pay tax or not it is the amount of money you earn.

Id say that you should be paying at least £8 an hour, £7 is not enough.