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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask you not to buy Christmas presents for teachers.

562 replies

Crabapple99 · 08/12/2011 05:52

I have seen several threads on the topic, so want to give my point of view and experiences.

  1. Many staff are not allowed to accept a gift above a certain value ( £3 in my school) so these big gifts, especially class gifts, leave staff in a very difficult situation, causing all sorts of paperwork and recording, and leaving us open to accusations of favouratitsm from families, and other allegations
  1. Many staff don't want gifts, quite often the item is unwanted, even edibles, if the box is big, heavy, and we already have too much to eat over christams. It is also embarrassing to have to accept.
  1. Many staff worry about the reason for the gift, especially if it seems some pupils and their parents feel pressure to keep up: I've been given gifts in the past that when I know the family can't afford even a couple of pounds, it makes me feel terrible. I've had gifts in the past which I suspected were stolen, which makes me feel worse.
  1. I don't really think there is a problem with Christmas cards, but even then, as someone who could easiluy have 300 pupils on my timetable, even then that can get a bit overwelming, not to say meaningless.
  1. A very small token, such as one of those tiney boxes from thornton's with just two chocolates in, is a nice way of acknoledging when a teacher has really gone above and beond, for your child, but even that is unnessesary rreally.

Hope I'm not coming across as a scrooge! I love christams, but dread this aspect of it.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 10/12/2011 10:11

Hahahaha, I can imagine the headlines now "6 year old excluded for giving head teacher a bottle of whiskey for Christmas"

OP, you say a card from one of your 300 pupils is meaningless. I find this very sad. These are individual people, and you are touching their lives. They are obviously not touching yours. Sad

Feenie · 10/12/2011 10:14

"it isn't a personal choice to dispose of the gifts, as I said, it's proffesionsl expectations, and you would br facing a disiplinry if you didn't."

Lol, missed that particular bit of nonsense. I am willing to bet that there has never ever been a disciplinary because a teacher failed to 'dispose' of a gift. This is total fantasy, Crab.

handsomeharry · 10/12/2011 10:16

I agree feenie - it is most odd that none of the teachers have had any experience of the practices described by the OP.

It would appear OP that the unique situation you find yourself in is not shared by other teachers or parents on this thread and so your viewpoint and experiences, although clearly heartfelt are somewhat redundant in terms of advice for others.

Crabapple99 · 10/12/2011 10:16

feenie, if you read the pages, yes they have!
Lynnscargo , not all cards are meanignless, most christams cards I get from pupils are, and just filled in because that is what's doen.
A thankyou card when I 've bent over backwards to get an excluded kid back in, or hrlped a truant break the habit, or helped a student kepp up while they are serving a prison sentence, at a time of year when it is NOT just sent out of convention, that is very meaningful.

OP posts:
exoticfruits · 10/12/2011 10:17

I think that all it means is that it is unwise for a teacher (probably secondary)to accept an expensive gift that could be construed as a bribe. I don't think that your average bottle of wine or box of chocs comes under this heading.

Dustinthewind · 10/12/2011 10:18

The only caps on gifts I can find to giving teacher presents in the state sector all relate to the USA.
There is some whiffling about ethics, but no outright rules and limits as far as I've seen.
So my chocolate snowman is safe for now. As is the cava bottle he's glued to.

MABS · 10/12/2011 10:20

champagne will go in with dd also for her House Mistress in 6th form. I do hope she doesn't drink it between me dropping her off and her walking the 500 metres into her day house...

Feenie · 10/12/2011 10:21

Crabapple - have read the pages, thanks, and they haven't. Have even put a shout out on TES; no one knows what the hell you are on about.

They must teach you some very strange things at pathologust school

JKSLtd · 10/12/2011 10:22

Sorry Crabapple I have googled but can't find what you describe, can you link to it for us?

PosiesOfPoinsettia · 10/12/2011 10:24

At our school most parents are medics, lawyers and lecturers and the teachers can't afford tpc live in the catchment, £20 twice a year is the least we can do.

Peachy · 10/12/2011 10:25

I know our school doesnot operate a gift bin or anything as I help a lot, and I am not wanting my kids, who recive far more help than others anyway from their SEN, to be the only ones without gifts.

And most of ours are home amde anyway- cakes by me, or jewellery by talented ds1. Teachers like that, I know they do as I know many socially.

roundcornsilkvirgin · 10/12/2011 10:26

I've worked in lots of schools and teachers definitely like getting presents. Especially wine Grin

Akiram · 10/12/2011 10:27

Xmas Hmm does anyone else think that OP spent ages looking various council websites to find backup for this, but could only find vague guidelines hence her "london and Manchester" declaration?
OP why don't you the name the actual schools? I'm sure with the number of people using MN there will probably be someone connected to the school who can confirm what their rules are.
As for no children taking in alcohol to school. What about Christmas and summer fetes? Teachers are begging for wine and beer to put on the tombola. My 11year old would take them in no problem.

EssentialFattyAcid · 10/12/2011 10:29

2 words: Bah Humbug!

If you are a teacher and you don't want your gifts then surely to goodness you can give them to someone less fortunate - there is plenty of time to do this between the end of term and christmas.

It would be nice if you could say thank you to the giver and look appreciative.

Animation · 10/12/2011 10:31

"A thankyou card when I 've bent over backwards to get an excluded kid back in, or hrlped a truant break the habit, or helped a student kepp up while they are serving a prison sentence, at a time of year when it is NOT just sent out of convention, that is very meaningful."

Sounds tough at your school. Are some of the kids in prison?

sweetsantababy · 10/12/2011 10:32

How horrible and un grateful.

Hulababy · 10/12/2011 10:36

"A child possessing alcohol on school premises is automatic grounds for exclusion.I'm not talking about adults possessing alcohol, although obviously in some circumstances teachers have also been suspended."

You appear to have worked at some very very odd schools if you have ever experienced a child or teacher to be excluded from carrying in an unopened gift of wine/beer for his/her teacher. Ina ll my years involved in schools I have never experienced it. Likewise I have never known of any teacher or TA to face any form of disciplinary for recieving a Christmas/end of year gift from a pupil. Nor have I ever experienced a parent expecting their child to get better grades asa result of sending on a present.

Either you have worked at some very odd establishments or you are not fully aware of what is going on.

maxybrown · 10/12/2011 10:37

I think I may be on the wrong website - I thought I was on MN, but must be on one of those erm, Fantasy type RP websites - no? Xmas Grin

gorionine · 10/12/2011 10:37

Crabapple99, Sorry I have notread your entire thread yet, had to stop after 5 pages. Could you just explain something to me please? I understand that one can find a gift bigger than a new red pen akward, but upsetting? how? why?

Hulababy · 10/12/2011 10:38

"Lynnscargo , not all cards are meanignless, most christams cards I get from pupils are, and just filled in because that is what's doen."

Think that probably says more about you than it does about teachers receiving cards in general tbh.

perceptionreality · 10/12/2011 10:40

I've not read the whole thing but I remember my beauty therapy lecturer telling us that when people give her gifts it's awkward and has to be written down etc...

Hulababy · 10/12/2011 10:41

Oh and can you find any links or actual references to these many teachers who have faced disciplinary over receiving a gift from a pupil? Let's face it, it appears from all the other school based adults on here that it is uite unusual - so I would assume it would be likely to hit the press if and when it has happeed, at the very least local press.

There is at least one other person on Mn that says they have/do worked in the same LEA as you mention with such policies. Yet there schools don't appear to have the same rules. It must therefore be only specific schools that you have worked at with such policies. Could you name them maybe?

Crabapple99 · 10/12/2011 10:43

Animation, a few of my tutorgroup end up in prison every year, if it's a long sentendce, then that is the end of their eductaion, but if it is a short sentence, and they acpome aout still young enough to attend school, I try to make it not ebe. some prisons have helpful education depatments and we can wor ktogether, soem don't Some pupils have helpful and supportive propbaation officers/social workers, soem dont.

Many of my studenta are illeagl immigrants, so can be more deprifved than anyone on benefits, because they don't get accecess to benefits. Many are fobbed of nto releuctant unofficial foster carers, and so are more deprived than any officially looked after schild.

Many are criminal, but htye are only children, and I do feel that the situaltions you find yourself in as a child should not fdefine the rest of your life.

Many are alos rish! spoiled! highky intelligent and successful! ( I don't mean the three come together, but we do have a variety)

I also don't think the rich shildren, or children who'e parents stay together, and work for a living should be treated any differently, or are any less deserving or interesting.

II do find in out area sometimes that ALL money and attention is concentrated on the undrprivilidged, and children seen as "privilidged" are looked down on in soem soert of reverse snobbery.

Feenie, where is this thresad on TES? I would be interested to see it.

OP posts:
witherhills · 10/12/2011 10:44

Bollocks, bollocks and bullshit
Unless you work in young offenders unit or similar, in which case we are not talking the usual pupil/teacher relationship, so it's still bollocks

roundcornsilkvirgin · 10/12/2011 10:44

what LEA do you work in OP?