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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to talk to my toddler DD?

73 replies

LifeIsButtercream · 07/12/2011 16:51

Ended up taking DD out to lunch today in a supermarket cafe. DD is 2.5 and talks A LOT so we usually have conversations when we are out and about, talk about what we are doing/where we've been/what we're doing next etc. NOT loudly, just like a normal quiet conversation volume!

So we were chatting away, as were several other people around the cafe - but on the otherside of a divider from us was a mum, a grandma and their toddler, close in age to DD at a guess. They weren't speaking to their toddler apart from to growl the occasional instruction. After a while I realised they were talking about us - with plenty of "wish she'd shut up", tutting and copying what we'd been saying in a silly voice.

After a while they left, with a few eyes rolled in my direction. It wasn't like we were the only other people in the cafe, or the only people talking - the only difference was that I was talking to a child - who was talking back and asking questions, I wasn't just prattling away to myself!

Does no-one else talk to their toddler in cafes? Is it 'not done', or by talking to a toddler does it automatically turn you into one of those loud, showy-offy mums?

OP posts:
HoneydragonAteCliffRichard · 07/12/2011 16:56

If you weren't loud parenting and simply talking to your child quietly like you would do at home then UANBU.

I cannot abide people who mimic others in a stupid tone of voice

WorraLiberty · 07/12/2011 16:57

It sounds as though they thought you were 'loud parenting'

Some parents are a bit silly and smug when talking to toddlers and some aren't

flipandfill · 07/12/2011 16:58

why would you not talk to her? She is a person too.... I thought most people speak to theirs even if they do not speak back

The only thing I can think of, were you being really loud? Otherwise they sound like rude idiots and if they had been talking to their own child would not have noticed you two chatting away.

Firawla · 07/12/2011 16:58

yanbu of course talking to your dd does not automatucally make you a loud show off mum unless you do it in a loud show off way. why would you just sit there in silence if you have company, doesnt mater your dd is a toddler she is still company for you so naturally you have a chat. they were rude just ignore

aldiwhore · 07/12/2011 16:59

YANBU even if you were louder than as if you were talking to a grown up.

Yes, it IS sometimes slightly irritating to hear mums talking daft to small people, but its also RIGHT.

I seem to always speak more loudly to my children than to anyone else in the world, I'm sure I've been annoying too, but meh... not showing off, just enjoying my children's company.

I'd rather listen to a mum chatting to her child than sit near people who were basically ignoring theirs.

Jennyrosity · 07/12/2011 16:59

Of course YANBU. Your toddler will grow into a confident, articulate adult - unlike theirs, if all she hears are barked instructions!

PiousPrat · 07/12/2011 17:02

I have whole conversations with my 3 month old when I'm out, including making up his side of the chat. He is usually scornful of my attempts to amuse him and most scathing in his comments. I get a few odd looks, but I prefer those to unending silence while I mooch around town so I don't really care.

How is a toddler supposed to learn the rules of conversation and how to behave in public if they are never talked to?

Winkly · 07/12/2011 17:02

Unless you were being very loud then of course you should talk to your toddler, how else is she going to develop her speech?

I DETEST silly voice mimickry. Even if you were Loud Parenting, it's rude.

WorraLiberty · 07/12/2011 17:02

'Loud parenting' isn't all about volume though

It's more about the parent talking to an 'audience' through the child

I'm not saying you were doing this OP, but it would seem they thought you were

Not that it's any excuse for them to mock you

Original poster
LifeIsButtercream · 07/12/2011 17:04

Thank goodness! It left me feeling pretty self-concious about talking to DD - I'm so NOT into loud parenting, just chatting like you would with a friend - definitely NOT:

"oh WOOOOOK DD deres a pwetty FWOWER on da tabullllll! It so pweeeeety ike oooooooooo"

cringe - can you imagine?!

OP posts:
camdancer · 07/12/2011 17:21

Loud parenting is better than no parenting. Think of what your DD learnt over lunch (conversation with another person, table manners, that you are interested in her and what she has to say etc) and think what their child learnt (to shut up).

I had a snack out with my 2.5 yr old today. We had a lovely conversation about her imaginary turtle friend. Probably sounded nuts to anyone listening but it was important to her.

Gonzo33 · 07/12/2011 17:26

I always chat with my toddler dd at home, in the car, when out. We even have a little sing song sometimes, but only where people can't hear me! Grin How do children learn to interact if they are not interacted with?

So in conclusion, in my long winded way, yanbu

ddubsgirl · 07/12/2011 17:29

Awwwwww i love chatting to lo's was chatting away to my friends baby at the weekend others looked at me like i had lost the plot lol but if you dont talk to them how do they think they will learn?

Thruaglassdarkly · 07/12/2011 17:30

YADNBU! How weird and rude of them both...

lisaro · 07/12/2011 17:31

I was wheeling my oldest

SinicalSal · 07/12/2011 17:33

Their child learned nothing except how to mock others.

Even if your child was learning about kumquats and Surrealist art as a political rebuttal to the rise of european fascism, she is still better off.

(Dunno whether that's true about teh surrealists - maybe someone should Loud Parent me Grin)

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 07/12/2011 17:34

I couldn't have just sat there and let someone take the piss out of me, whether I was loud parenting or not. I would have stood up and looked over the partition and asked "Are you all ok? It doesn't sound as though you're being very nice" and probably given them a bit of a lecture on how could their child possibly learn to grow up to be a decent adult with that sort of behaviour as an example. they sound a bit unhinged tbh.

lisaro · 07/12/2011 17:35

Oops cat a bit over enthusiastic there! I was wheeling my oldest approx 11 months round a supermarket, chatting away, and some woman comes up and asks, in all seriousness - 'why are you talking to him, he's only a baby?' Being rather hormonal, and sad as my then husband was off to the first Gulf war later that week, I (wrongly, I know) I replied 'so he doesn't end up like you, you thick bint!

hackmum · 07/12/2011 17:36

You sound like a nice mum. I always find it upsetting, the number of parents who don't talk to their children.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 07/12/2011 17:38

To add to my other reply, I always talk to my DS who is a similar age to your DD, OP. I couldn't give a monkeys whether anyone thinks I'm silly for talking to him. I really enjoy his company and love my conversations with him.

mewantcookiesmenocanwait · 07/12/2011 17:41

Sounds very much like they were jealous that your child speaks so well, and trying to console themselves by suggesting that she can only do so because you're pushy or overkeen or ridiculous in some unspecified way. YANBU at all - rise above it!

LaurieFairyCake · 07/12/2011 17:43

You sound great. They're clearly arses.

My foster dd's mother doesn't talk to any of her toddlers apart from to tell them off. It's very uncomfortable in meetings to see her not interacting with them at all.

IneedAChristmasNickname · 07/12/2011 17:44

YANBU! I always spoke to my DS'. They have always had very good speech (sorry boast Grin) I've never understood why people DON'T speak to their children Confused

grumplestilskin · 07/12/2011 17:47

YANBU I talk to my DS all day long when out with him
depends on what you were saying and if you takl to her in a silly voice though! - but even so its not nice to mock fellow coffee....??.. suppers?? like that and a bad example on their part

Original poster
LifeIsButtercream · 07/12/2011 17:47

breathes sigh of relief and looks for chocolate

Phew! I love talking with DD she says the funniest things, I shall continue to do so! Xmas Grin

OP posts:
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