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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to talk to my toddler DD?

73 replies

LifeIsButtercream · 07/12/2011 16:51

Ended up taking DD out to lunch today in a supermarket cafe. DD is 2.5 and talks A LOT so we usually have conversations when we are out and about, talk about what we are doing/where we've been/what we're doing next etc. NOT loudly, just like a normal quiet conversation volume!

So we were chatting away, as were several other people around the cafe - but on the otherside of a divider from us was a mum, a grandma and their toddler, close in age to DD at a guess. They weren't speaking to their toddler apart from to growl the occasional instruction. After a while I realised they were talking about us - with plenty of "wish she'd shut up", tutting and copying what we'd been saying in a silly voice.

After a while they left, with a few eyes rolled in my direction. It wasn't like we were the only other people in the cafe, or the only people talking - the only difference was that I was talking to a child - who was talking back and asking questions, I wasn't just prattling away to myself!

Does no-one else talk to their toddler in cafes? Is it 'not done', or by talking to a toddler does it automatically turn you into one of those loud, showy-offy mums?

OP posts:

MildlyNarkyPuffin · 07/12/2011 17:47

You were being a normal parent. Normal parents interact with their children.

DeWe · 07/12/2011 17:51

Dd2 hated being put down so I used to carry her round in the sling a lot and talk to her which she found soothing. One day I was happily talking to her round the supermarket when I came to with a shock and remembered that she was at home with dh. Hoped no one had noticed and thought I was talking to myself.

Fluffymonster · 07/12/2011 22:38

YANBU, they were being incredibly rude. Mocking a stranger for talking to their child is extremely childish and ignorant anyway - I feel sorry for the child that was with them!

It sounds like they were put out, or jealous in some way. My DD2 is a similar age and talks a lot. Running commentary on everything, and it's one of the loveliest things about her! She asks lots of questions, and there would be absolutely no chance of me ever being able to ignore her even if I wanted to, as she'd just repeat the question, louder! It's nice talking to her anyway, as the stuff she comes out with keeps me entertained. So it's a win-win - I'm kept amused and she expands her vocabulary.

I think you have a nice relationship with your DD and shouldn't let a couple of miserable barmpots spoil your happy vibe. Their poor child/grandchild must be bored out of his/her skull with those two ignoramuses.

pigletmania · 07/12/2011 22:41

I envy you, my dd 4.5 has speech and lang, dev deay, and AS traits, I wish I could have that experience, its like i am taking to myself most of the time, only now has she started replying a bit

LulaBear · 07/12/2011 22:45

YANBU and how rude! It's sad that they think like that tbh :(

PointyLittleDonkeyEars · 07/12/2011 22:46

I have talked to my DCs since they were tiny babies. I vividly remember a conversation I had with DD1 which went something like this:

Me: Let's get some broccoli for dinner
Her: Giggle
Me: This broccoli isn't very good, look, it's all floppy.
Her: Raspberry
Me: This broccoli goes 'Boing, boing, boing' when I waggle it about. It isn't supposed to do that, you know.
Her: Growly noise

She was about 3 months old.
Fast forward to now, I have two DDs who are nearly 9 and nearly 11 and they are articulate children who are doing extremely well in school, are complimented on their mature behaviour and conversation skills wherever they go and who have learned to think critically and ask questions.

Sometimes acting like a loon really, really pays off.

slavetofilofax · 07/12/2011 22:47

I was in a weel known chemist today and in an aisle where there was a lady chatting away to her baby in a pram. When I sneaked a look at the baby, he was only about three months old. It made me smile because it was lovely!

for you piglet

Meglet · 07/12/2011 22:49

yanbu.

My children (5 & 3) drive me up the bloody wall but I like taking them out for meals as we actually get a chance to chat properly without home distractions.

skybluepearl · 07/12/2011 22:54

what a rude woman.

Sevenfold · 07/12/2011 22:56

yanbu
I talk to my dd all teh time, (sn) always have, surely that is waht you are supposed to do

FredFredGeorge · 07/12/2011 23:01

PointyLittleDonkeyEars With all the talk of floppy things and waggling it about - did inadvertantly big up many men in the supermarket?

I never realised you weren't supposed to talk to your children outside the home, I've been been doing it all the time, I'll stop immediately!

pigletmania · 07/12/2011 23:06

Thanks slave I tried to to everything, read to her when she was a tiny baby, talked to her constanty.

Me: so dd what did you do at school today?
DD: painting and splashing (says this everyday even though communication book says she has done a variety of things)
Me: did you do anything else
DD: silence
Me: do you ike school
DD: silence
Me: who is your friend, wahhhhh want to go to the park (major meltdown as i said we are going home as its too cold),

I would love that type of conversation that op is having with her dd

pigletmania · 07/12/2011 23:10

I only found out that dd was a star in her school Nativity from another child, dd cannot tell me, and i think that her TA forgot to tell me.

Me: so your a star in your school play, thats wonderful
DD: silence
Me: do you like your school play
DD: silence
Me: do you want to go and see FA
DD: want chocolate

slavetofilofax · 07/12/2011 23:15

piglet.

You know you did everything right, but you will never get any definate proof of the good it did. I'm sure it did do good though, and maybe that's why your lovely dd got given to you.

Sorry if that's a bit woo for you!

My ds1 has AS, and although he is not delayed at all, proper converstation really doesn't happen much. It's sad when I think of the laughs I have with other ds and boys at the school I work at that are only slightly younger than ds1, but I just keep reminding myself that I have to try and understand his world too instead of always trying to force him into mine.

slavetofilofax · 07/12/2011 23:16

I mean do and does as well as did in my first sentence!

mummytime · 07/12/2011 23:26

YANBU
I can still remember chatting as usual to my DS when he was a baby in a sling, whilst wandering around a department store (the usual, "Do you think Daddy likes that colour blue" etc.). When a lady spotted the sling she grinned, and said she'd wondered who I'd been talking to.
And I wasn't good at chatting to my babies as much as I should have.
At 2 ish I went on a tour of a posh senior school and sang "Old MacDonald" to my little one, no odd comments. Actually one couple mentioned that they thought she'd have no trouble getting in.

Traceymac2 · 07/12/2011 23:31

What awful people. I feel so sorry for that child. I can't imagine that their LO has a very happy home life if they behave in such a way. I find it so sad when i see a child ignored or having orders barked at it by parents when I have such a different relationship with my children. My 3 yr old dd loves a good chat and is great company. She has always been very inquisitive and interested in life and talks non stop, I have to respond whether I want to or not! I have never even heard the term 'loud parenting' before. I'd say 'low IQ' is probably more the case here though. Don't change a thing, your dd is lucky to have such an interested parent.

dozyrosierednosyreindeer · 07/12/2011 23:46

YANBU. I talk to my bump. I do it because I want to and what harm can it do, other than people thinking I'm a little maybe. I can only see having a conversation with your DD as a good thing, she will grow up to be socially well adjusted, unlike the idiots in the cafe.

tigerlillyd02 · 07/12/2011 23:47

Some people are such interferring so-and-so's. I always think they must be quite insecure about their own parenting if they sit there having to pick 'fault' (not so in your case) with what other parents are doing. Why would they care whether or not you were talking to your DD - it's none of their business. And then to mock you is just childish and rude - doesn't say much about what sort of people they are in my opinion.

When DS was about 10/11 months I was pushing him in the trolley and saying in a stupid voice "nauuuuuuuuughty" as he found it really funny at that time and so was really giggling away... much better than stropping hence why I did it all the more. Someone had the cheek to butt in and say "You shouldn't be using that word infront of him, you'll emotionally scar him". I calmly asked if she was called naughty as a child (she was in her 30's I think) and she said she had. So I said "Oh in that case then you must have a good point. I must stop as I wouldn't want him to grow up anything like you now would I?"

She went off rolling her eyes and I felt quite proud of myself for politely telling someone to F off! :)

Hardgoing · 07/12/2011 23:55

I have got so into the habit of talking to babies, toddlers and so on, that when I'm on my own now, I still say things aloud (til someone in our house says 'who are you talking to?')

You sound like you were having a lovely lunch with your daughter. Loud parenting is quite funny, but there's no evidence you were being loud. There is evidence that those people were horrid though.

ClapTrap · 08/12/2011 00:06

Well done OP for enjoying chatting with your DD. YADNBU. It's sad people are saying that it is loud parenting. It is good parenting and people should not be made to feel silly or stupid for talking to their bump/baby/toddler.

We have no choice but to talk to our DD (3.5) constantly as she, like your DD, talks constantly and asks questions about absolutely everything. People probably think we are loud parenting as my DD has glue ear and we have to shout at her when it gets bad (almost the entire winter.) Just because she is nearly deaf sometimes, doesn't seem to stop her rabbiting away.

AKissIsNotAContract · 08/12/2011 00:12

:o lisaro that's brilliant!

redpanda13 · 08/12/2011 00:20

OP - ignore them as they sound very rude and ignorant. I pity them tbh.

I was coming home on the train today and there was a gran and a her granddaughter who was about 2.5- 3 years old. Little girl was chatting away with her gran and she was lovely. Constant stream of chatter. Couple of other women sitting opposite joined in the conversation. I was sitting behind them and it really cheered up my journey.

bedubabe · 08/12/2011 04:44

I wouldn't be given an option by my toddler. If I dared to not speak to him I'd be mithered to death.

piglet

Morloth · 08/12/2011 05:09

I talk to my kids all the time, have since they were newborns.

People can get knotted if they don't like it.

I never seem to encounter these types though, I think it is because I am scary.

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