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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to talk to my toddler DD?

73 replies

LifeIsButtercream · 07/12/2011 16:51

Ended up taking DD out to lunch today in a supermarket cafe. DD is 2.5 and talks A LOT so we usually have conversations when we are out and about, talk about what we are doing/where we've been/what we're doing next etc. NOT loudly, just like a normal quiet conversation volume!

So we were chatting away, as were several other people around the cafe - but on the otherside of a divider from us was a mum, a grandma and their toddler, close in age to DD at a guess. They weren't speaking to their toddler apart from to growl the occasional instruction. After a while I realised they were talking about us - with plenty of "wish she'd shut up", tutting and copying what we'd been saying in a silly voice.

After a while they left, with a few eyes rolled in my direction. It wasn't like we were the only other people in the cafe, or the only people talking - the only difference was that I was talking to a child - who was talking back and asking questions, I wasn't just prattling away to myself!

Does no-one else talk to their toddler in cafes? Is it 'not done', or by talking to a toddler does it automatically turn you into one of those loud, showy-offy mums?

OP posts:

TroublesomeEx · 08/12/2011 06:46

I've always talked to my children about allsorts of nonsense since they were born.

I'd never comment, eye roll or mimic other people talking to their children but DH and I do have a bit of a private smile at 'loud parenting'.

And as someone else said, this is nothing to do with volume and all about speaking to an audience (about what a great mum you are/what an advanced child you have etc) through your child.

I can't imagine any other type of mother/child conversation I'd have an opinion on or even notice. Oh apart from P - "You're a bugger." C - "No you're a bugger" P - "Ooh ya cheeky bugger, you're the bugger." C - "shut ya face" which I overheard recently between a parent and a child in a pushchair! Nice!

Could you have been doing this and not realised (the loud stuff not the bugger stuff!)? What were you talking about?

pigletmania · 08/12/2011 08:14

Aww slave and bedubabe thanks , people told me in the past she will talk and you will not be able to shut her up (I wish). I know some of my friends complain that their dc of the same age talk too much and they are irritating, I wish that would happen to me. In fact other friends dc talk to me non stop and it makes me realise what I am missing. Yes I love dd to bits and watched that programme called My Child not Perfect, and could relate to the boy Adam's situation, I guess it might be dd in years to come.

pigletmania · 08/12/2011 08:18

You are right slave it would be great to get into dd shoes, and to see the world from her eyes, mabey I will understand a bit better. Its hard not to see the negatives, but I have to be positive in front of her. She is making so much progress at school though, is learning to hold a pen and to follow the patterns of pictures with it, and wants to write her letters so that it great. She could not do that in September before she started Foundation.

pigletmania · 08/12/2011 08:18

And she sat all the way through her 20 min nativity play and was so good

KittyFane · 08/12/2011 08:24

As worra said - ''Loud parenting' isn't all about volume though
It's more about the parent talking to an 'audience' through the child

They were rude to mimic you though.

Emsmaman · 08/12/2011 08:24

YANBU. I chatter continuously to my DD whilst we're out and about and she is 8 mo. How else is she going to learn to converse and be part of society?

natashakaplinkyplop · 08/12/2011 08:33

Yanbu
I got strange looks yesterday in sainsburys for asking ds2 if he could remember what was on the shopping list... he's 8 months old.

AKMD · 08/12/2011 08:33

YANBU, they were extremely rude. I've always talked to DS and sometimes it is a bit embarrassing ("say LOUD quack-quack, mummy!) but I'm not doing it for the benefit of passers-by and DS loves it.

HSMM · 08/12/2011 08:41

Make the most of it now ... my 12 yr old DD only talks to her mobile phone these days. We used to have lovely chats when she was little.

(We do still have lovely chats, but the phone is definitely preferred)

Anniegetyourgun · 08/12/2011 08:47

"Children should be seen and not heard" is so 19th century.

mrsjay · 08/12/2011 08:56

Im not sure what loud parenting is , but I feel sorry for the other toddler not been spoken too , I loved chatting to mine when they were wee , they were great talkers and loved a bit of a gossip although now dd2 wont SHUT up there is nothing wrong with chatting to your toddler and them taking the piss was ott maybe if they stopped being sarcastic they couldve enjoyed the toddler they were with ,

Birnamwood · 08/12/2011 08:57

I constantly talk to my ds's (3 &15 wks) whether they're there or not when I go round the supermarket without them I have to constantly remind myself to be quiet, doesn't always week tho

keep doing what you're doing op :)

myncichips · 08/12/2011 08:58

YANBU what rude bonkers people! It would have been weird if you'd sat there ignoring her so of course you were talking to her. They were just being mean and ignorant. As others have said, she will have learnt lots from you but also learnt that her mum loves and respects her. You sound like a great mum.

FanjoForTheReindeerJumper · 08/12/2011 08:59

I would have said as they left "These, DD, are VERY RUDE PEOPLE"

antsypants · 08/12/2011 09:04

I take my toddler out for lunch and sit and chat, despite the sole topic of conversation from her being dinosaurs or ice cream...

But the best lunch I had was sitting with her and chatting/talking nonsense, when I was told I was boring the poor child because she was playing with a book...

Doesn't bother what people think though, I'm not talking to her for their benefit, I'm talking to her for ours.

I refer to the much missed Bill Hicks...

You know I've noticed a certain anti-intellectualism going around this country ever since around 1980, coincidentally enough. I was in Nashville, Tennessee last weekend and after the show I went to a waffle house and I'm sitting there and I'm eating and reading a book. I don't know anybody, I'm alone, I'm eating and I'm reading a book. This waitress comes over to me (mocks chewing gum) 'what you readin' for?'...wow, I've never been asked that; not 'What am I reading', 'What am I reading for?' Well, goddamnit, you stumped me...I guess I read for a lot of reasons — the main one is so I don't end up being a fuckin' waffle waitress. Yeah, that would be pretty high on the list.

lolajane2009 · 08/12/2011 09:05

well i talk to my 3 month old and I don't care what anyone else says... tbh in reponse he is very vocal back to me in return and tends to smile and laugh a lot when i'm around whereas with hubby he hardly 'talks'

ChunkyPickle · 08/12/2011 09:08

You were DNBU - like everyone else here I've babbled on at mine since he was born (despite odd looks/replies from strangers when they thought I was talking to them). Not that it's worked yet - nearly 16 months and he still mainly communicates in grunts and points....

radstar · 08/12/2011 09:28

YANBU - Our ds has good language skills and MIL was saying well you do talk to him a lot. I was thinking "what else would I do?" I was worried she thought we were hot housing him or something, we weren't, we just had normal conversations. She said though that SIL's dd of the same age barely spoke at all, maybe SIL doesn't talk to her?!

We don't see them much so it will be interesting to see her in a couple weeks.

RillaBlythe · 08/12/2011 09:42

Just in case anyone reading this is feeling anxious about their silent parenting, I was never able to talk very much to my dd1 when she was pre-verbal, it didn't come naturally to me at all. Once she was older we chatted away & now she's 3.5 I spend my whole time on buses discussing the baby Jesus etc. She is very articulate & has a great vocabulary so my inability to run throw the shopping list with her at 3 weeks hasn't affected her.

(I think it's great that so many of you can, I just don't want someone to read this & feel anxious & inadequate because they don't chat to their baby all the time)

RillaBlythe · 08/12/2011 09:43

*through

FanjoForTheReindeerJumper · 08/12/2011 09:57

"She said though that SIL's dd of the same age barely spoke at all, maybe SIL doesn't talk to her?! "

Some people have several children they talk to equally and only one has language delay.

My DD can't talk at all and i would hate people to think I never talked to her.

radstar · 08/12/2011 10:07

fanjo I don't think that about dn and sil. I don't know. I happen to think it all evens out in the end, if there are no developmental issues. Ds didn't walk until he was 17 months, dn walked earlier.

I was bothered about the way MIL said it, it was like she was comparing the two of them or that some how we were "doing stuff with ds" to make him be the way he was, although maybe I was over sensitive as there is a backstory to ours and sil's family and comparing parenting.

TroublesomeEx · 08/12/2011 12:43

Oh and to reiterate what RillaBlythe said, my friend was more of a 'silent parent' to her baby/todder and it bothered her too.

However, said daughter is now a very deep thinker, has lots of in depth conversations and is at grammar school. So she's done something right.

Actually, she's done lots right, she's a lovely mum. Just a quiet one.

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