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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I Just Want To Scream

59 replies

SaggyHairyArse · 07/12/2011 13:16

I've got 4 college assignments to do over Christmas.

I am meant to be going away for 4 days with BF and his family who are charging us £100 p/adult for food and £50 p/child which comes to £350 for 4 days food (I am a single parent and that is my food budget for the month).

We have booked to stay on a farm and we have been allocated the communal farmhouse to stay in which means my BFs family will come and go as they please and everyone will congregate where we are staying which is fine (if it weren't for the fact that they are not my family, I have 3 kids to sort out (bedtimes especially) and a Jack Russell who is likely to get quite stressed with so many people in one small space (11 adults and my 3 kids).

We have been told it is a £50 secret Santa. We are spending quite a lot of money going away and then an extra £50 on top is like the mouldy half eaten cherry on top of a stale cake.

I must say, BFs family are lovely, lovely people but I think I am going to go mad; the financial pressure, the pressure of living in close proximity with people who are not my family, the dog, getting everything there (presents etc) and college - I am going to spontaneously combust.

Christmas, don't you just love it?

PS. AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 07/12/2011 13:18

YABU to pay all that money and go when you don't want to

I've never heard anything so ridiculous.

ViviPrudolf · 07/12/2011 13:19

YANBU, but you should have put your foot down earlier and made sure that the arrangements were more commensurate with your wishes. Not very helpful now though. Its happening, so just try and chill into it, calm down dear and enjoy.

GypsyMoth · 07/12/2011 13:22

Your poor dc! Will they pick up on your stress? It sounds horrible op. Wouldn't you rather be at home?

auntyfash · 07/12/2011 13:24

Can't you get out of going?

Original poster

SaggyHairyArse · 07/12/2011 13:25

It has all just spiralled out of control. We were originally going and gradually other people have said they are coming to. Then because it became a BFs family thing, one person took ownership of it and is now informing us of the arrangements.

I have told my BF of my concerns and he just thinks i'm a miserable cow I think.

Are we really going to spend £1250 of food and drink in 4 days????

OP posts:

ViviPrudolf · 07/12/2011 13:29

Is BF your boyfriend or your best friend? I'm in a muddle as you mention single parent so if that's the case and he's your boyfriend - does he not live with you then? (And as an extension of that he is external to your household/DC costs)

Original poster

SaggyHairyArse · 07/12/2011 13:29

SS, I am trying to maintain the facade of a jolly Mummy who can't wait - I love Christmas and the kids are excited so I don't want to rain on their parade.

AF, I am going to deliberately eat some manky shellfish a couple of days before and give myself food poisoning....seriously, I can't ruin it for the kids but I am beginning to dread it :(

OP posts:

Original poster

SaggyHairyArse · 07/12/2011 13:30

Boyfriend. No he doesn't live with us but I said the costs for him as well as we were budgeted to go away as one unit (him and me and kids).

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 07/12/2011 13:33

I'm not surprised you want to scream.

We're having a Kelly Bronze/the best salmon/the best cheeses/amazing beef bourgignon/unlimited posh cakes, alcohol, cheeseboard and I've only spent £450 including two weeks food shopping for 6 people for 4 days and 3 people for two weeks.

Unless you're eating caviar licked into your mouth by puma's while having your feet massaged by Katie price how is it going to cost that much

auntyfash · 07/12/2011 13:34

Have you mentioned to your bf's family that you will be struggling with the financial side? Do you think they'd maybe knock some off the price for you? I can't see any way out of it if you've already told the kids and they are really looking forward to it.

Original poster

SaggyHairyArse · 07/12/2011 13:40

I have tried to. Me being skint has come up before as I am stuggling to get the kids presents and pay bills (normal single parent stuff) and have said I am not sure how I can pay for all that but, they are such nice people, they just say "you'll manage".

OP posts:

auntyfash · 07/12/2011 13:56

They can't be that nice if they just tell you that you'll manage...

Original poster

SaggyHairyArse · 07/12/2011 13:59

No, they really are the ideal in-laws to be this issue aside, I can't say a bad word about them - just that their idea of Christmas and mine are poles apart I guess, I can't afford theirs!

OP posts:

doggiesayswoof · 07/12/2011 14:03

I am confused by the "nice people" thing. As nice people do they not have any empathy for your situation?

Can't you have a serious discussion and tell them straight that you can't afford it? Your BF doesn't sound terribly understanding, I have to say.

It's a crazy amount to pay for food (it's my monthly food budget too - 4 of us)

I am also not spending as much as £50 on any present except the DC's.

sweetsantababy · 07/12/2011 14:03

Err, no they are not nice. They are telling you you'll manage arseholes

chrimblycompo · 07/12/2011 14:06

Your boyfriend should be paying
Can he afford it?

RosemaryandThyme · 07/12/2011 14:10

Think you might regret all that money for just a few days when your struggling to pay the bills in Jan.

Seems a bit late to back out now though.

Original poster

SaggyHairyArse · 07/12/2011 14:11

He can't CC because he said he would pay for the accomodation so in total would be nearly £1K if he paid for it all.

OP posts:

G1nger · 07/12/2011 14:11

Doesn't the price include the cost of the accommodation?

picnicbasketcase · 07/12/2011 14:14

Leave the bastards.

Seriously, they are taking the piss. There's no way it will cost that much. Someone will be pocketing the difference.

OTTMummA · 07/12/2011 14:15

just don't go, if you can't afford it just don't go.
Really, you won't enjoy it because you will be worrying about the costs, and it won't be what you want for xmas anyway.
I would just polietly say you can not get yourself into debt or allow yourself to justify spending that amount when you have so much more on your plate.

btw, why hasn't your BF paid towards this?
They seem to be pressuring you into paying this money for the trip, despite knowing you can not really afford it, have you actually seen the costs writted down in paper etc, i would feel inclined that you may be covering someone elses share aswell.

GypsyMoth · 07/12/2011 14:16

It doesn't include accommodation??

Make sure you bring all leftover food items home..... Are they all going to buy presents for your dc?

GypsyMoth · 07/12/2011 14:16

Are you reliant on benefits?

OTTMummA · 07/12/2011 14:19

OP you can not pay and go, seriously i will give you a slap if you do!
This is quite ridiculous, and they are not 'nice' people if they just expect you to manage, if they were nice, they would of found something more on your scale, or would offer to sub you for part of it, or offer part payment as your xmas present.

They are definately not nice op.
They are selfish and uncaring.

Original poster

SaggyHairyArse · 07/12/2011 14:41

Yes, I am reliant on benefits. I split up with my STBXH 18 months ago (have known BF for a long time though and am at college fulltime this year doing an Access to HE course so I can train to be an Operating Department Practitioner.

I have said I don't want anyone to buy presents for the kids as they will get presents from me, their Dad, Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles and it is execessive and too expensive with everything else.

I have just spoken to BFs sister and have said I can't afford to pay that much so they suggested I take food for the kids.

And, yes, it is/was £350 for food for 2 adults and 3 kids for 4 days plus accomodation which is £550 plus £50 secret santas each

OP posts:

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