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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I Just Want To Scream

59 replies

SaggyHairyArse · 07/12/2011 13:16

I've got 4 college assignments to do over Christmas.

I am meant to be going away for 4 days with BF and his family who are charging us £100 p/adult for food and £50 p/child which comes to £350 for 4 days food (I am a single parent and that is my food budget for the month).

We have booked to stay on a farm and we have been allocated the communal farmhouse to stay in which means my BFs family will come and go as they please and everyone will congregate where we are staying which is fine (if it weren't for the fact that they are not my family, I have 3 kids to sort out (bedtimes especially) and a Jack Russell who is likely to get quite stressed with so many people in one small space (11 adults and my 3 kids).

We have been told it is a £50 secret Santa. We are spending quite a lot of money going away and then an extra £50 on top is like the mouldy half eaten cherry on top of a stale cake.

I must say, BFs family are lovely, lovely people but I think I am going to go mad; the financial pressure, the pressure of living in close proximity with people who are not my family, the dog, getting everything there (presents etc) and college - I am going to spontaneously combust.

Christmas, don't you just love it?

PS. AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:
MissMogwi · 07/12/2011 14:51

YANBU, that's a dear do and my idea of hell. Can you get out of it? How will you get your assignments done too?

Original poster
SaggyHairyArse · 07/12/2011 14:54

I have no idea. That was why I was concerned about us being in the communal house as well.

Originally we had booked that house but then when other people said they were coming we suggested we would go in the smaller cottage so that I can put the kids to bed and study in the evenings but the person who has taken control of thins has said no.

OP posts:
MudAndGlitter · 07/12/2011 14:54

Run and hide. That sounds awful and your bf sounds like a twunk if hes expecting you to afford all this.

MissMogwi · 07/12/2011 14:58

This sounds like a stressful nightmare. Wouldn't you rather be at home inhaling Quality Street watching shit tv?

I can't work on essays with just two kids around, so no way would I manage it with loads of relative strangers. I'm getting a tic just thinking of it.

Xmasbaby11 · 07/12/2011 15:00

Can't get over the cost! That's really thoughtless of the family to disregard the very very high cost. If they consider it such a piffling amount, why don't they insist on treating you?

What does BF think? Can you get out of it?

OTTMummA · 07/12/2011 15:04

there is not question of wether or not you can get out of it, you will OP, just don't pay and don't go.
They can not make you pay, and tbh i would probably drop a guy if he was willing to see me get into monetary problems because of this.

Blackduck · 07/12/2011 15:05

OP you have described my idea of hell, and to have to pay for it too. You HAVE to say no, you can't get in debt doing something you don't want to do and won't enjoy. Tell them it's just not on.....

TheyCallMeMimi · 07/12/2011 15:06

YANBU. That's a shocking sum of money for such a short time! And with all the work you have to do too, no wonder you want to scream. What's bothering you most - the cost? Or not getting peace to work on your assignments? If it's the assignments, could you persuade some of these "nice" people to take your DCn off your hands for a bit to let you get on with your work? If it's the cost, well I really think they should be able to show you why it's costing so much - is there something, eg a large quantity of expensive champagne, that you could agree not to drink in return for paying less?

SnapesMistressofMerriment · 07/12/2011 15:15

No way would I be paying that much for food, that is completly unreasonable!

And to make a single mother on benefits pay. Shock

SadlyNo · 07/12/2011 15:56

The money side is awful and I bet it's an alcohol thing (either quality or quantity) but if anything I'm even more indignant on your behalf about the studies.

You originally made plans that involved you being able to study in the evenings, then everyone else turned up and changed your plans to suit them and now you can't. This is not in the least bit lovely. Does this grand planner person know why you need to go in the small cottage? Could you negotiate directly with whoever's got the cottage? That might work, often I've found nobody else cares about the fine detail nearly as much as the temporary napoleon in charge of the arrangements.

Alternatively would a shorter visit be possible to limit the costs and exposure a bit? 24th-26th? How far away/inaccessible are we talking?

SadlyNo · 07/12/2011 16:02

Seriously unimpressed with the BF's response by the way Hmm All very well for him to rock up to a lovely house filled with his own family and not have constant responsibility for three kids, four essays and a dog.

YaMaYaMa · 07/12/2011 16:03

If I had to go, I certainly wouldnt be in the communal bit. The dont sound very nice, tbh, they've taken over your holiday, increased your costs massively and informed you of where you will and will not be staying Shock

YaMaYaMa · 07/12/2011 16:05

Just say it's completely morphed into something that you cant afford and cant do due to your college commitment. Then tell them to suck it if they don't like it.

Quenelle · 07/12/2011 16:12

'No BF/person who's taken control, that just won't be possible for me I'm afraid.'

Smile and repeat calmly until they get the message.

Tell BF he will have to pay for his own food. And tell them they can poke you'll be opting out of the Secret Santa thing (bloody stupid idea that should be banned).

Original poster
SaggyHairyArse · 07/12/2011 16:16

Thank you kind ladies, I was beginning to feel like Ebeneezer Scrooge. I am going to have a think and try and find a way of dealing with this pleasantly (if there is such a way) and then, if not, I am going to have to bite the bullet and say I can't go.

OP posts:
awayinaminger · 07/12/2011 16:23

insist on staying in the smaller cottage. How dare they take over and inform you of where you will be staying and how much you will pay! Shock
No way is food costing that much either. Who is this bossy person?

Sidge · 07/12/2011 16:32

Bloody nora have you got Jamie Oliver himself coming to do the food and all the cooking? How in the name of all that is holy can it cost that much to feed people for a few days?

And £50 for a Secret Santa present is just obscene. I just about spend that on my DH and the children each and certainly wouldn't spend that amount of money on a semi-stranger even if I had the money to spend, which you don't.

Grrrrrrrr on your behalf.

DartsAgain · 07/12/2011 16:38

I don't think they can be that nice if they are saying you'll manage without actually talking to you about how you'll manage. If this goes ahead, yyou're effectively letting yourself in for more times when things get booked and "you'll manage".

OldGreyWassailTest · 07/12/2011 16:43

I'm outraged that they suggested you take separate food for the children??!!

SolidGoldVampireBat · 07/12/2011 16:48

These people are not 'nice' at all, to change all the arrangments round to cause you inconvenience and insist on you paying more and more money for the privilege of spending time with them. And the idea of you bringing separate food for your DC - do they really envisage you and your DC nibbling on Tesco Value sausage rolls and crisps while they stuff themselves with lobsters and champagne?

elfyrespect · 07/12/2011 16:51

I can't see that this is going to be the nicest xmas for your DCs either - it sounds like they are the only DCs amongst a load of child free adults who have their eye on a christmas of expensive foods and wine - long mealtimes etc

Original poster
SaggyHairyArse · 07/12/2011 17:03

I was Shock about bringing separate food for them. It is just shit isn't it? :(

OP posts:
DitaVonCheese · 07/12/2011 17:25

WTAF? Is he a keeper?

talkingnonsense · 07/12/2011 17:25

You need to speak direct to the organiser and explain, why you needed peace, and ask how come the food is so dear ( prob lots of champagne), and be upfront with bf too. It's probably just spiralled, and like someone said, organiser has gone power mad!

BootyMum · 07/12/2011 17:41

I agree with all the other posters who say these do not sound like very nice people at all.

The cost for 4 days worth of food and accomodation are extortionate imo and especially so for someone on benefits. Are they planning on drinking very expensive champagne or something? Were you at all consulted on the menu or costs? And £50 for Secret Santa? WTF?!

I would also feel very uncomfortable at being told I was going to reside in the communal farmhouse where 11 members of my partner's family would be tramping in and out... especially in regard to privacy and quiet for you, the DC and the required writing of 4 Xmas Shock essays.

I think I would feel inclined to cancel stating not wanting to go into debt over the Christmas period. And then have a lovely time at home with your children [and essays!]

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