I Just Want To Scream

[SaggyHairyArse]

I've got 4 college assignments to do over Christmas.

I am meant to be going away for 4 days with BF and his family who are charging us £100 p/adult for food and £50 p/child which comes to £350 for 4 days food (I am a single parent and that is my food budget for the month).

We have booked to stay on a farm and we have been allocated the communal farmhouse to stay in which means my BFs family will come and go as they please and everyone will congregate where we are staying which is fine (if it weren't for the fact that they are not my family, I have 3 kids to sort out (bedtimes especially) and a Jack Russell who is likely to get quite stressed with so many people in one small space (11 adults and my 3 kids).

We have been told it is a £50 secret Santa. We are spending quite a lot of money going away and then an extra £50 on top is like the mouldy half eaten cherry on top of a stale cake.

I must say, BFs family are lovely, lovely people but I think I am going to go mad; the financial pressure, the pressure of living in close proximity with people who are not my family, the dog, getting everything there (presents etc) and college - I am going to spontaneously combust.

Christmas, don't you just love it?

PS. AIBU to feel this way?

If you are going to pull out of these imposed, new arrangements, I would do it now so that your BF's family has over two weeks' notice. Don't do it at the last minute.

It sounds like you can't afford the cost; can't afford the time; and can't afford the disruption.

The fact that your BF and his family aren't 'getting' this does suggest that they don't take you particularly seriously, sadly.

Just say to your BF and whoever the main organiser is: 'Look, this isn't what I agreed to. I can't afford the cost or the time. I'm not coming and nor are my DC.' These people have moved the goalposts, let them suck up the consequences. You do not have to obey them, and it doesn't actually matter what they think of you.

I echo exactly what SGB just said.

Just keep saying... 'no, that doesn't work for me'

Could the idea of seperate food for the kids be used to your own advantage ?

ie - don't want the kids gorging on everyone elses' food - therefore best to stay in nice seperate cottage.

• children need supervision at meal times therefore I'll eat with them and join you guys after.
• you could then just take nice tasty hamper for you and your children and completly drop out of the money for food scenario.

Following that train of thought could you use the children as a reason not to take part in the secret santa ? ie children will be confused if they see mummy opening a parcel as they think santa is coming down the chimmy (of the nice seperate little cottage!)
Also could you generate some random "we absolutley always do this in our family at christmas" traditions - ideas might include - bumper bath time with kids on christmas eve followed by hot choc and christmas stories - therefore will join in later - thus buying you time to pop DVD on for kids and read a text book or two.

YANBU, tell them to take a hike and stay at home where you can have a nice relaxing christmas.

Also because I'm nosey who is staying in the cottage, the person that took over? Elderly grandparents?

Who is the organiser?

She sounds a bit like my sister, a few years ago if I said I'm broke I meant I have no money, I am having to decided if I pay the A or B, and food well I can think about that later.

To her it meant she only had a few hundred in her current account after paying all her bills, and she might..might have to dip in to her savings.

She would also do the 'Oh you'll manage' line

I had to sit her down as say in my current situation get (for example) £700 a month, I have to spend 75 to get to from work, 325 rent 100, tax etc, 50-75 on heat/water/council tax etc which left me 125-150 a month on extras like food, unexpected travel costs, phone, paper for printer, (was studying at the time) and sometimes books/ articles that I couldn't get otherwise.

I could not afford to save, so when she said oh I need £100 for Mum and Dads Christmas present, I had no fund to dip in to.

Give her her due was was mortified, she really hadn't realised. (I have long term problems with my Sis but on this occasion she did get it)

Does your Boyfriend not get it?
MAybe that as you don't live together/ share accounts that he really doesn't.

Of course they may be dicks, but I'm in a good mood. . . .

Well, I bit the bullet and had a talk with BF this morning. He is going to speak to his sister and he said "we will be staying in the cottage". When I explained that 1) the dog will bark ALL day if there are 11 people and 3 kids running around, 2) I would like a separate place to take the kids if they start getting unruly, for bedtime etc and 3) I want to be able to study and 4) they are his family and as much as I love them to bits they are not my family, he couldn't disagree that for us to stay in the communal house will be a nightmare for all concerned so he said he will deal with it.

I am not sure who was going to be staying in the cottage, I just think that, because we booked it and suggested that we stayed in the cottage to begin with, she wanted to put her stamp on it.

Well done Saggy, and your BF. It sounds like your DC were really excited about it so I'm glad you haven't had to cancel. I hope you will enjoy it as much as the others now.