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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tell me if I am being unreasonable.

67 replies

Abouttime · 06/12/2011 21:38

DD is almost 7 months old & DP wants to take her to his parents on Sunday who live 90 miles away. I don't have a problem with this except he will be leaving her with his mum for 5-6 hours whilst him & his dad go to a footy match.
She has only seen them 10 times & has never been left for any length of time whilst awake with anyone else except us.

She is my second DC so I'm not pfb but I think it's unfair on her.
I can't/won't go because I am having my first night out on sat in 18 months do I expect to be feeling rather rough on Sun.

So wibu if I said I don't want him to take her and I do know this means I will have to look after her with a stinking hangover?!

OP posts:
elfyrespect · 06/12/2011 21:42

Are they seeing each other again over xmas?

Original poster
Abouttime · 06/12/2011 21:47

We are all going on boxing day.

He's moaning because they haven't seen her since her christening on 30 Oct.

OP posts:
Hailsmarie · 06/12/2011 21:47

I would manage baby and hangover. Won't be easy (speaking from experience ha ha) but it's better than having a hangover and fretting all day. As someone who suffers massive hangovers due to only going out now and again I would honestly steer clear of wine of any colour as that is indeed the devils drink!! Have you tried prosecco? Whenever I go out I now drink sparkling wine and hangovers are mild and child friendly!!!!! Have a good time!

cheesesarnie · 06/12/2011 21:47

yabu-shes her grandmother!its a chance for them to bond!as long as your dh is reachable and willing to leave football if it all gets to much for your dd and his mum.
you wont go because your going out drinking the night before but you wont let your dd and her gm bond?
is there a reason theyve not seen much of each other?

Sirzy · 06/12/2011 21:49

Do you have a reason not to want granny to look after her?

You are choosing not to go so I think it would be unreasonable to stop her going.

callmemrs · 06/12/2011 21:50

Yabu

thepeoplesprincess · 06/12/2011 21:52

I think you do sound a bit weird and overprotective, but it's been a loooong time since I had a baby around and I can't really remember what the drill is in this kind of sitch. As long as you've genuinely only got the baby's best interests at heart and aren't just trying to piss your MIL off, then YANBU.

budgieshell · 06/12/2011 21:52

I think it depends on the Grandmother, is she capable? Do you trust her? If the answer is yes then have a great night out and have fun.

lubeybaublely · 06/12/2011 21:55

YABU - she will be fine.

mumofthreekids · 06/12/2011 21:56

I would let DP take her (unless you have serious doubts about MIL's ability to look after her).

Gumps · 06/12/2011 21:56

Why don't you go too? That way you can lie on the sofa and supervise while granny does the hard work and you nurse your hangover.

DeliaSucksStollen · 06/12/2011 21:57

I'm tired and don't know if I have understood your issue properly. If you are saying you are not comfortable leaving DC with granny in sole charge for 5-6 hours YABU. What's the problem? She's obviously raised her own DCs. Do you have any other issues with MIL that makes you think she is incapable or would lead you to feel like this?

D0G · 06/12/2011 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EleanorRathbone · 06/12/2011 22:02

I don't think there is anything at all unreasonable in not wanting your 7 month old baby to be left for such a long period of time with a person the baby doesn't know.

Your feelings about this are perfectly valid, don't let anyone tell you they're not. Trust your instincts. Your baby's only 7 months old and doesn't know her granny that well. It is not fair to her to leave her for so long, that's an age to a tiny little scrap of 7 months. I'd say about three hours, maybe 4 max, is the limit here. It would be fine if there were someone else she was more familiar with. But otherwise, I think it might also be unfair to your MIL, who may well find herself with a sobbing baby for the best part of four or five hours.

Xmasbaby11 · 06/12/2011 22:03

Let her go, I'm sure she'll be fine - unless you have some issue with the GM? Make sure she goes with her usual toys etc.

Original poster
Abouttime · 06/12/2011 22:03

No issues with her at all but i have only met her 4 times whilst pregnant & 10 times since having DD. DP is an only child. My other DC is 15 & from a previous relationship so DD is likely to be her only GC cos I ain't having anymore!

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 06/12/2011 22:04

YABU.. it is her grandma... not a complete stranger. Let them start to have a relationship.

Xmasbaby11 · 06/12/2011 22:04

Oh sorry just realised she's only 7 months! No, I would keep her at home. That's a really long day to be with someone newish, unless she is very adaptable?

Sirzy · 06/12/2011 22:05

6 months old and has seen her 10 times so about once every 3 weeks (ish!), I don't think thats a case of them hardly knowing each other.

Make sure your DH is contactable throughout the day. You get your day to nurse a hangover, your DH gets his day out with his dad and you MIL gets a day spoiling her grandaughter. Perfect!

JollyJinglyJoo · 06/12/2011 22:06

I think YANBU. But maybe if you had a chat with MIL you would feel better about it, or maybe she would agree and be a bit relieved? At least that way you are not just saying "no", even if it's just a chance to explain your reasoning.

Frawli · 06/12/2011 22:10

Well 5-6 hours is a long old stretch if she isn't good with people other than you, or if you don't think she knows her grandparents, or if you are worried about it, especially as they'll be seeing her later in the month anyway. Personally I think I would keep her at home as they'll be seeing her in 2 weeks anyway.

Youllbewaiting · 06/12/2011 22:16

I'm a bit bemused at the father has to get permission to let his mother look after his daughter.

I thought parents were equal.

ladyintheradiator · 06/12/2011 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsAmaretto · 06/12/2011 22:21

YANBU. I wouldn't for two reasons, firstly your baby might be upset and stressed and secondly so might granny be! Is she used to babies? My own mum had to phone me to come back from 1 drink with dh as ds had been screaming for 20mins. She'd forgotten how awful it was Grin

I'd go with dp & baby and maybe go a walk or something to clear hangover, leaving granny to look after baby for a while but not 5-6 hours. That's a looong time for both of them!

olgaga · 06/12/2011 22:23

I wouldn't - not at 7 months. You can have a lie in together! Just drink lots of water and have a couple of paracetemol before you go to bed. You'll be fine, and she'll love the extra snuggles. You'll be seeing them in a couple of weeks, for heaven's sake. What's the problem?

Youllbewaiting - since when were parents equal? There's always a primary carer. Fact of life.