I am in an absolutely shitty mood, plus this is my first ever AIBU, but I really really need a rant.
My husband works a LOT. He is out A LOT. It is usually because he is working till all hours, trying to calm down some squillionaire who is about to buy another company to add to his pot of millions, or kissing the arse of some private equity company who are about to squeeze the life out of some poor unsuspecting company.
He is well paid for this job, although I often wonder if what his hourly rate would be if I added up all the hours of the day he gives. This job allows us to live in a nice-ish area, in a house (which is no means big by the way) that I love. It allows me to do retrain in an area I have always wanted to work in. I work part time, I have two children, and am 7 months pregnant. I do all the childcare, all the housework and laundry. To be fair when he is here he does all he can to help, like he makes the children's packed lunches every morning, and will cook meals and freeze them etc for me. At the weekend (when it is not taken over by work) we hang out together and have a great time.
I do not have the best mental health (suicidal 12 months ago) and his job has enabled me to skip the system and go and see a brilliant psychiatrist who also works for the NHS but has a ridiculously long waiting list.
So yes I am a moaning bitch. But tonight I am exhausted, my children are crazily hyped from their school christmas party, I have 10 shirts to iron and another evening in on my own. I am so so so so bored. And I am thinking, this morning, as he left, he says 'I have work drinks tonight', and it is assumed that it is ok for me the little housewife to be left behind. This happens a lot. And it makes me think, why? Why is it us, women, (and of course I am generalising) who are always always the ones who are in the background, enabling life to carry on in a vaguely organised state, so that shopping gets bought, clothes get washed etc, and anything vaguely important in our lives takes a back seat? I do not remember signing up for this. I feel like I have sold my soul to the devil. I have given up me. And it is total bollocks. And it is about to happen all over again when I have this next baby.
I imagine I am going to get flamed, but to be honest I don't care. Thank you to all who have read/listened so far. This really is a rant. I don't want to hear 'mummy.....blah blah blah' for the next 72 hours. I would like to run away from all of this. Please don't come on here and be smug and say "well you decided to have children/marry this man/sell your soul" because honestly if anyone had told me this is what happens when you have children, I would have packed my bags and travelled the world. And now my head is itching, no doubt with bloody nits. Argggggggghhhhhhhhhh.