Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I have sold my soul to the devil...

66 replies

luckywinner · 06/12/2011 18:47

I am in an absolutely shitty mood, plus this is my first ever AIBU, but I really really need a rant.

My husband works a LOT. He is out A LOT. It is usually because he is working till all hours, trying to calm down some squillionaire who is about to buy another company to add to his pot of millions, or kissing the arse of some private equity company who are about to squeeze the life out of some poor unsuspecting company.

He is well paid for this job, although I often wonder if what his hourly rate would be if I added up all the hours of the day he gives. This job allows us to live in a nice-ish area, in a house (which is no means big by the way) that I love. It allows me to do retrain in an area I have always wanted to work in. I work part time, I have two children, and am 7 months pregnant. I do all the childcare, all the housework and laundry. To be fair when he is here he does all he can to help, like he makes the children's packed lunches every morning, and will cook meals and freeze them etc for me. At the weekend (when it is not taken over by work) we hang out together and have a great time.

I do not have the best mental health (suicidal 12 months ago) and his job has enabled me to skip the system and go and see a brilliant psychiatrist who also works for the NHS but has a ridiculously long waiting list.

So yes I am a moaning bitch. But tonight I am exhausted, my children are crazily hyped from their school christmas party, I have 10 shirts to iron and another evening in on my own. I am so so so so bored. And I am thinking, this morning, as he left, he says 'I have work drinks tonight', and it is assumed that it is ok for me the little housewife to be left behind. This happens a lot. And it makes me think, why? Why is it us, women, (and of course I am generalising) who are always always the ones who are in the background, enabling life to carry on in a vaguely organised state, so that shopping gets bought, clothes get washed etc, and anything vaguely important in our lives takes a back seat? I do not remember signing up for this. I feel like I have sold my soul to the devil. I have given up me. And it is total bollocks. And it is about to happen all over again when I have this next baby.

I imagine I am going to get flamed, but to be honest I don't care. Thank you to all who have read/listened so far. This really is a rant. I don't want to hear 'mummy.....blah blah blah' for the next 72 hours. I would like to run away from all of this. Please don't come on here and be smug and say "well you decided to have children/marry this man/sell your soul" because honestly if anyone had told me this is what happens when you have children, I would have packed my bags and travelled the world. And now my head is itching, no doubt with bloody nits. Argggggggghhhhhhhhhh.

OP posts:
verytellytubby · 06/12/2011 18:49

Pay someone to iron and get a babysitter Grin

Fecklessdizzy · 06/12/2011 18:53

I feel your pain, mate ... But I thought if you sold your soul you were supposed to get your heart's desire? Maybe you should get next door to babysit and get on down to the crossroads ( cue Robert Johnson riff ... ) Wink

Oggy · 06/12/2011 18:55

I feel almost exactly like you, but I never ever complain to anyone I actually know because they all think I have it made.

My friends think I am happy with the perfect life, I'm not.

You may get flamed, but I will join you in the fire.

Callisto · 06/12/2011 18:55

Why the fuck are you ironing anything? I don't ever iron, I don't even know where the iron is.

As for the rest, yes you do need to suck it up to a certain extent, but it sounds like you have the funds to do something about the boredom aspect at least. Babysitter so you can go out with your DH, OU course to expand your mind, weekend away for a change of scene?

LineRunnerCrouchingReindeer · 06/12/2011 18:56

HI, luckywinner. It is all a bit soul destroying, I do agree, whether you work or not or have a DP or not.

You've done brilliantly to come out of your downer of 12 months ago so well - what you seem to have now is a case of loathesome repetition syndrome.

It honestly does get better when the children get older. Smile

In the meantime I wonder of there are any loathsome chores that could slip, or you could buy in some help for, for a while? Most working men I know without partners pay for ironing, for example.

I also wonder if you couldn't explain to your DH that you'd like to be included in more of the fun stuff.

PurplePidjInAPearTree · 06/12/2011 18:57

YANBU to have a bad day and find things frustrating.

However, you can clearly afford to pay a babysitter for an evening so take up a hobby/go to the gym/whatever and have a couple of hours a week to yourself!!

baskingseals · 06/12/2011 18:57

the gap between fantasy and reality is so so so large.

you need to try and do something for yourself. easier said than done i know.
fwiw i feel almost exactly like you do and my husband is a lot less useful than yours.

sending you good vibes and really hope it isn't nits

hillyhilly · 06/12/2011 18:58

It is your life, you only get the one.
If there is something(s) you don't like about it, it is up to you to get off your arse and change it.
I know that sounds brutal but it really is up to you

ANTagony · 06/12/2011 18:59

You aren't alone in feeling this way. I'm mum to three. Eldest has ASD, youngest is 10months and just discovered speed crawling and falling over when hauling herself up on things. The washing pile is done but now the ironing pile is humongous and I need to wash the bed linen/ towels its a wet forecast and I don't have a drier. I used to have a life!

Poor DH, who's a teacher, got home very late last night post parents evening to receive a bit of a rant about how I feel like an unpaid slave. Tomorrow night he's out at the football till the early hours.

I have done some thinking today - little one actually had a nap. I have to accept responsibility for part of the problem. He makes the effort to do the things he loves, beyond family, I make excuses that I can't because - but actually he could cope, we could get a babysitter (ask my parents over) occasionally.

At 7months you're bound to feel tired. Could you ask for your Christmas present to each other to be a cleaner/ home help for a few months? I used to work long hours and had a great local lady who for not a lot of money cleaned and did my ironing backlog once a week. Would the budget stretch to this so you can enjoy walks in the park in the spring time rather than feeling stuck at home?

OhYouBadBadReindeer · 06/12/2011 18:59

It does sound like you really need something in your life that is for you, that isnt related to household management or work, even if it's an evening out a week at a book club or zumba or a beer drinking club or something. Would that be possible?

TroublesomeEx · 06/12/2011 18:59

Nothing to say that will help, but in anticipation of you getting flamed by the end of page 2 (at the latest) I hear you and I feel your pain.

Ignore the ironing for tonight (unless anything needs doing before tomorrow)

Have a glass of wine.

Have a bath (drink the wine in the bath?)

Paint your nails.

Put your jarmies on.

Watch a film/read a book.

And tell the rest of the world to piss off for a few hours.

Smile
nerfmum · 06/12/2011 19:00

Do you have anyone you can have a girls night out with? Or a school mum you can get a coffee with one morning?

discrete · 06/12/2011 19:00

Go back to work and outsource the children.

It's the only way to regain sanity. Xmas Grin

OhYouBadBadReindeer · 06/12/2011 19:00

(though being preggers does put a bit of a kibosh on joining a beer drinking club!)

Fairyloo · 06/12/2011 19:01

Hugs to you.

Get a babysitter and do something you enjoy. Book clubs, spa night, shopping, movies.

Life is too short to be miserable.

I have one night a week where I do what I want and have to do few extra hours at work but sooo worth it.

Have you spoke to your husband? Be honest with him.

Have you family nearby

TroublesomeEx · 06/12/2011 19:03

Oops Blush missed the pregnancy bit!

I wouldn't EVER advocate drinking during pregnancy.

You can do the rest of it though Grin

DioneTheDiabolist · 06/12/2011 19:03

Have you told your therapist this? If not, you should.

Methe · 06/12/2011 19:04

STOP IRONING!

CalmaLlamaDown · 06/12/2011 19:04

What does give you pleasure in your life? You need a break quite clearly. Do you have an appt with the psychiatric coming up? Your post makes a worrying read, i hope you have someone close to talk to.

MenopausalHaze · 06/12/2011 19:09

Really - hear hear callisto and methe - ditch the ironing! No matter how much it costs it's worth it.

luckywinner · 06/12/2011 19:10

Aw, thanks for not flaming me just yet. I am seriously bored and frustrated. I actually go to college once a week to do upholstery which I bloody love. But it is over all too quick. Discrete blissful sigh to the idea of outsourcing the children. But I am my own worst enemy, talk about mrs martyr. No one else could possibly do the job better than me. What you all have said is true/so nice to hear. But don't you just get sick of it?

Oggy let's form a desolate wives club, then we can moan and bitch to our hearts content. But whoever said you only get one life is absolutely right. I just feel I have no control over mine at the mo. My ds just asked me to sing him Rudolph the red nosed reindeer and I just wanted to scream. Please believe me when I say I love love love my dcs, I'm just not good at sacrificing my life for them, if that makes sense. I do feel a little better at just moaning on here so thanks. And I am going to send out an email to family who all want to know what I want for Xmas, that childcare will do nicely. Sod the sodding scented candles and hand cream.

OP posts:
luckywinner · 06/12/2011 19:11

ps What I wouldn't do for a vodka and tonic, I can almost hear the ice chinking in the glass...

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 06/12/2011 19:11

I'm just shocked people iron in this day and age. Why? I haven't ironed for years, and if DH wants anything doing, he does it himself.

I feel for you being 7 months pregnant with 2 dc to look after. You must be exhausted. Agree with others you need to find some time/pleasure for yourself. Pay for some help and allow yourself some time to do something you enjoy.

youtalkintome · 06/12/2011 19:12

My dh works a bit like this and is constantly increasing his work load. I am 40+5 today and he won't be home until about 9 so I'm doing bedtime homework etc alone so feel your pain. We have discussed that if dh takes on anymore work then I need some more help it's only fair.

I'm assuming you already have a cleaner if not you should really get one and also find a good babysitter so you can get out in the evening.

BrianAndHisBalls · 06/12/2011 19:12

I've got 2 dd but I'm also the main wage earner, wish I'd sold my soul and found a rich bloke Grin

Not really but its all the same for everyone, I have to juggle 2 children, a home and a v stressful job, if you still had a job then it'd be same shit different place Smile

Swipe left for the next trending thread