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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to really not like the military wive's song...

230 replies

KittyFane · 06/12/2011 18:45

I LOVE Gareth Malone and love choirs and I think it's great how he has put it all together but I don't like the song at all.
I feel unreasonable as I am being made to feel ( by constant press/ radio coverage) that I should love it.
I don't even like it.
Anyone else or just me?

OP posts:
Sparklingbaubles · 06/12/2011 22:36

Sidge I think you explained that really well. Smile

Esta3GG · 06/12/2011 22:36

Bollocks - josHing

jcscot · 06/12/2011 22:37

iI'm not keen on the lyrics of the song but I do understand that the words one writes when under the pressure caused by deployment can seem mawkish to those who have not experienced it. I'm sure my letters to my husband would not stand up to piblic scrutiny but that does not mean that they are not genuine, heartfelt sentiments.

I do agree with the causes supported by the single - worthy causes, both of them. I did cry when I saw the video but more because the images were close to home as my husband deployed to Helmand last week. I think the idea of a choir as a support mechanism for those left behind is a brilliant one and any cynicism attached to PR spin of the series/single does not negate the good that was no doubt done for those who took part.

I knew what I was getting into when I married my husband - he was about to start at RMAS when we got engaged. He has never wanted to be anything other than a soldier and honestly believes that it is an honourable and worthy job. He believes in thevalues he learnt before he got his commission - integrity, service, duty, sacrfice and courage (both moral and physical) - and he really feels that the Forces provide a valuable public service. He also enjoys the physicality and challenge that comes with the job; the sense of testing and stretching yourself in demanding conditions. Saying that, I can understand the ambiguity attached to the Forces. We live in a society where we are encouraged - rightly - to question the decisions made by our government so it is understandable that we may feel uneasy about the role the Forces play in public life.

There are other jobs that require dedication and sacrifice - the police or fire service, for example - but not quite to the level demanded of sailors, soldiers and airmen. I think we can support the soldiers and their families while still demanding of their political masters that they be used appropriately and justly - the two concepts are not mutually exclusive.

I am proud to call myself an Army wife/family because it's a shorthand way of summing up what shapes and defines my marriage and family life. I am a feminist and I do see that there are "old-fashioned" connotations to that description. However, I cannot think of another profession that demands almost as much of spouses and children as it does of those who wear the uniform. Perhaps the nearest "vocation" would be the clergy.

I can't remember who said "They also serve who stay at home and wait." but that (paraphrased) quotation is as good a reason as any for describing myself as an Army wife.

atosilis · 06/12/2011 22:41

How long have you been married jcscot?

jcscot · 06/12/2011 22:43

Why do you need to know atosilis?

atosilis · 06/12/2011 22:44

Sorry, don't need to know, was an Army wife myself, just interested.

jcscot · 06/12/2011 22:47

I have been married for almost twelve years, and was engaged/dating for three years prior to that.

jasper · 06/12/2011 22:47

Thanks LRD.
I come from a long line of choir singers and choir leaders.
What I love about choirs is that taking part in them and to a lesser extent listening to them is an inherently emotional/sentimental experience. That's why choirs work!

There is really no requirement to over egg the pudding and the BBC are massively overegging the MW choir.

When I hear the MW choir on the radio I always cry but it has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that Sam is missing her husband and is worried he might not come home. It's because music, especially massed voices singing has an almost magical power to move. it does not need Chris Evans whooping us into a frenzy . (for the record I love Chris Evans)

I have sung in a choir for about 15 years but had to give it up this year because my mum died. I still can't sing in a crowd without crying, even if I am perfectly happy. Xmas Confused

THAT'S the power of choirs. They don't need hype

jasper · 06/12/2011 22:49

thanks for that explanation Sidge. It makes some sense .

atosilis · 06/12/2011 22:49

All the very best!

jcscot · 06/12/2011 22:51

Thank you.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 06/12/2011 22:52

jasper I agree with you about the power of choirs (not that I can sing for toffee).

I suppose with the hype, I just feel it may be horses for courses - maybe some of the women feel better for it all. It's true it's not strictly needed, though.

I'm sorry for your loss, as well. Sad

NoOnesGoingToEatYourMincePies · 06/12/2011 22:53

"A bloke in my year joined the forces as a dentist. He defended his decision saying he was not going to be killing anyone. Some clever bloke replied " No you're not killing anyone, your job is to improve the aim of the killers" "

This makes no sense really. Members of the Armed Forces are not entitled to use the NHS even though they pay into it through their taxes. They need and are entitled to dental care just as much as anyone else, and having dental treatment doesn't do anything to improve your aim. I had a tooth pulled out yesterday but I still can't shoot a gun. The 'clever bloke' was just being a bit of a cock really.

"Nothing will disuade me from believing that if you join any of the forces then to be shocked at facing conflict is ridiculous."

I don't think anyone in the forces or married to the forces has said they are shocked to be involved in conflict though. It's not why most people join up, but they do know it could happen. They don't have to like being involved in it though and supporting your partner in his or her job while still hoping they come home safely isn't the same as being shocked that they are in a war zone or complaining about it.

jasper · 06/12/2011 23:01

noonesgoing, did you know the clever bloke ? he was a TOTAL cock !

His point was the guy going into the army as a dentist was trying to separate himself from front line personnel (sorry if I have the terminology wrong) as if he was morally superior by wielding a drill not a gun.

Clever cock's point was that his drill wielding was to maintain the health (and aim) of the one with the gun .

Sidge · 06/12/2011 23:04

I doubt anyone in the military is likely to be shocked at being involved in a conflict situation nowadays but remember that for many serving personnel the Force they now serve in is unrecognisable from the one they joined many years ago.

I joined the RN in the early 90s, I was a Naval Nurse. When I joined nurses didn't sign for sea service, it was optional. You then could sign up for sea service which meant you could go to sea on a large carrier, but it was unlikely. Or more likely you would deploy on a hospital ship. Fair enough, you've joined the Navy, you go to sea.

What I, and many of my colleagues who still serve, didn't anticipate was a decimation of the Service so that the role would change beyond all recognition. My friends still in the RN are on rotation to field hospitals in Afghanistan. The nearest they get to being afloat is the Isle of Wight ferry.

AitchTwoOHoHoHo · 07/12/2011 11:12

"On His Blindness is one of the best known of the sonnets of John Milton. It may have been written as early as 1652, although most scholars believe it was composed sometime between June and October of 1655, when Milton's blindness was essentially complete.[1][2]. It appears in the Oxford Book of English Verse, an anthologized collection of English-language poetry spanning 1250-1900.
"When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one talent which is death to hide
Lodg'd with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest he returning chide,
"Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?"
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies: "God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts: who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly; thousands at his bidding speed
And post o'er land and ocean without rest:
They also serve who only stand and wait."

it's from milton's on his blindness (the poet's). he's moaning cos he can't do anything much and getting god to justify it for him. Grin

scaryteacher · 07/12/2011 13:27

We know what they do when we marry them, but, it is hard when they are away and in danger, and this choir has provided a support system for the wives (both RN/RM and Army) who have joined it.

Part of it is being left behind - we are the ones who stand and wait; and it also being shut out of part of their lives, not knowing what they are doing and not being able to help if they are hurt. When they are away, you spend the time constantly feeling on edge, or as if you are stringing yourself up to face something.

My db who is a submariner did 6 months in Helmand; and it was like having something dark sitting on your shoulder the whole time he was there. The tears and relief when we saw him on the TV on the Christmas day footage from Bastion were immense; I don't think my Mum really believed he was OK until she saw him, and he managed to get a call through to us as well, so she was ecstatic.

I think the choir/song probably provides a focus for the wives/girlfriends/partners, the children, the parents, siblings who provide the support so that HM Forces can do their jobs, and in a way it validates that we do it, and that it is recognised that we do.

NinkyNonker · 07/12/2011 13:32

Well, I am anti war but am pro support for the forces and their families. I am not a huge fan of the song (too hormonal at the moment) but it is Christmassy, not related to bloody X-Factor and supports a charity worth suporting...win win in my book.

DH and I had a discussion about this the other day in a roundabout way, we both couldn't comprehend what those serving and their families must go through when they are away...it takes a special breed of person and I know very strongly that I am not of that breed, so hats off to them.

People are just determined to find reasons to drag others down, being cynical and sceptical and hard is the new cool it seems.

skirt · 07/12/2011 13:33

The song is in my head, I love the feeling behind it and don't really care that its everywhere right now. I'm just glad that these women have had a great time, have got something from the process and that SSAFA will be one of the beneficiaries.

NinkyNonker · 07/12/2011 13:34

PS: I don't like Gareth though. Not since his trite, "I can solve the world's educational problems' turgid shite.

hackmum · 07/12/2011 14:08

Horrid sentimental shite in the service of the most ill-conceived military adventure since Vietnam.

Sparklingbaubles · 07/12/2011 14:09
Shock
skirt · 07/12/2011 14:22

hackmum do you get ignored a lot and never know why?

GandTiceandaSprout · 07/12/2011 14:27

there are some right cynics on here.

The song is written from various letters to & from the wives & their husbands.

If you don't like the song, don't buy it.

And Skirt, ha ha, well said.

daveywarbeck · 07/12/2011 14:34

I'm so glad it's not just me faintly perturbed by the "Prince of Peace" line.

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