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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PFB? Hitting...

72 replies

DonInKillerHeels · 06/12/2011 11:41

AIBU to have inwardly smiled at this? Despite feeling a bit bad that it was my DS's fault...

Yesterday in the library my DS, 18 months, walked up to a crawling baby c. 12 months and tried to hit her. Not hard at all and certainly not maliciously; he missed her, and in any case it was so gentle the other baby didn't even look up (!). But obviously hitting is wrong, I never allow it, and I took him to one side and gave him a little time out.

The other baby's mother, however, looked absolutely horrified, grabbed her child away, and said "I've never seen anything like that before in my life"!

I did think... she'll learn!

OP posts:
coccyx · 06/12/2011 11:46

You sound awful. So how did he try to hit the baby if not maliciously?
Why do you say 'she will learn'?
No doubt you will be one of those mothers who thinks hitting is part of development etc Rubbish
And how will you be when another older child hits him for no reason

frumpet · 06/12/2011 11:49

Seriously coccyx , babies at 18 months do off the cuff things like trying whack other children , it doesnt mean the OP is a bad mother or not taking the hitting issue seriously.

WorraLiberty · 06/12/2011 11:50

I think that's a bit harsh coccyx

I think the OP is amused at the Mother's extreme over reaction

Because let's face it, she will learn that toddlers randomly hit people.

MonaLotte · 06/12/2011 11:50

Exactly what coccyx said Xmas Shock

NatashaBee · 06/12/2011 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissPentChristmasBudget · 06/12/2011 11:54

Hitting isn't exactly "part of development" but most toddlers do it at some point, and there is usually an overlap with the age at which they don't really understand the difference between right and wrong. Obviously you tell them off and remove them from the situation (which OP did by the sounds of it), but they don't really "get" that it's wrong. It doesn't make them evil baby-hitters, they're just too young to know any better.

MissPentChristmasBudget · 06/12/2011 11:55

I think the OP means she smiled (ruefully?) at the other mother's naiive ignorance, not at the hitting itself.

RockingBEYONDtheXmasTree · 06/12/2011 11:55

Exactly what Worra said. The OP told her child off, she was amused at the PFB reaction, not the fact that her child hit someone.

NanAstley · 06/12/2011 11:56

Along the same vein, when my pfb was a crawling baby, the pre-schoolers running round play areas looked like unruly giants to me. Imagine my surprise when my own baby grew to pre-school age and ran around play areas like an unruly giant Blush. Though she still looks like a baby to me...yes, even at nearly 5 Grin

auntmargaret · 06/12/2011 11:57

Wow, some people are so judgemental. OP, YANBU, she will learn. Toddlers are random, they do random things. So long as they are then given appropriate censure/guidance there will be no lasting effects. Once, during a walk, my DD1, then aged 18months, sauntered over and had a kick at a neighbour's red sports car. Totally out of the blue. I had a talk to her (after running away, obviously) and she hasn't turned into a phantom car vandal-it was a one off. Other mum overreacted.

TroublesomeEx · 06/12/2011 12:00

Exactly what Worra said!!

My children have both been hit by other toddlers at a similar age. I've never done anything other than smile and say "don't worry, they all do it at some point" to an embarrassed and apologetic mother. Because they do and if it is dealt with appropriately, they tend to grow out of it.

OP said "But obviously hitting is wrong, I never allow it, and I took him to one side and gave him a little time out."

Coccyx said "No doubt you will be one of those mothers who thinks hitting is part of development etc"

Do some people not read the posts? Or just focus on/ignore the bits they want to Xmas Confused

The OP did deal with it appropriately, she took her child aside and gave him a time out. What else should she have done!

She was simply a little bit amused at the other mum's over reaction. Which it was.

coccyx · 06/12/2011 12:00

Bad parenting OP.

WhoopsyLa · 06/12/2011 12:01

Neither of mine ever hit anyone....not once. I can't think why.

frumpet · 06/12/2011 12:01

I cannot believe that there is a mother on here who's child has never tried to push, kick, thump or bite another child ever or should that be yet ? Xmas Hmm

altinkum · 06/12/2011 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

frumpet · 06/12/2011 12:03

except for whoopsyla Xmas Wink

TroublesomeEx · 06/12/2011 12:05

Good grief!

I can't recall mine doing it. I'm sure they must have, but if they didn't then that was luck rather than judgement. Children do most things once before they learn that it's not nice/acceptable to do it. They're not born with a a moral compass. They are born ego-centric and without a theory of mind. So basically they are "all about me". That changes through development and education.

frumpet · 06/12/2011 12:06

There seems to be an undercurrent of thought running here that if your baby , and i still think of an 18 month old as a baby , does something untoward it must automatically be down to poor parenting . My ds has tried to headbut on a number of occasions ,he isnt two yet , now nobody has ever headbutted him , so why would he do this ?

LingDiLong · 06/12/2011 12:06

Whoospyla - you never SAW them do it. Perhaps you should watch your children more closely?

altinkum · 06/12/2011 12:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aldiwhore · 06/12/2011 12:07

Bad parenting OP??? Coccyx are you for real???

The OP removed her child from the situation and gave him time out. That's good parenting.

YANBU OP The other mother probably had seen nothing like it, but she will and one day it will be her child that lashes out/pushes for no reason.

I'll always reprimand, but being 'horrified' is pretty pathetic.

frumpet · 06/12/2011 12:07

Although he only ever tries to do it to me , usually when i am vexing him by picking him up to go somewhere else .

working9while5 · 06/12/2011 12:10

YANBU!

I would laugh on the inside too if someone said "I've never seen anything like that before in my life!" but only now, when I have a bit more experience

Ds went through a biting phase at nursery when he was 15-18 months and I was horrified. I was even MORE horrified to listen to other mothers I knew talking about their children being bitten in childcare settings and how it was "disgraceful" that their child was being "targeted by bullies", none of whom had "any discipline at home".

One even marched into the creche to demand to know what the mother of the biter was "doing about the behaviour at home". Erm, what CAN you do? An 18 month old doesn't even remember what happened an hour ago, let alone have the ability to process a telling off for something several hours after the event!

Anyway, needless to say ds has grown out of biting though I suspect there will be more aggression in his little future, not least when my bump becomes a baby.. I would never tolerate it either but it is not greivous bodily harm with malice, intent or forethought!

Moominsarescary · 06/12/2011 12:10

my first did, my second never did while I was around but he was at nursery from 6 months so he probably did without me knowing

Crosshair · 06/12/2011 12:10

Surely its a pretty normal reaction if its something you're not use to seeing?