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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

PFB? Hitting...

72 replies

DonInKillerHeels · 06/12/2011 11:41

AIBU to have inwardly smiled at this? Despite feeling a bit bad that it was my DS's fault...

Yesterday in the library my DS, 18 months, walked up to a crawling baby c. 12 months and tried to hit her. Not hard at all and certainly not maliciously; he missed her, and in any case it was so gentle the other baby didn't even look up (!). But obviously hitting is wrong, I never allow it, and I took him to one side and gave him a little time out.

The other baby's mother, however, looked absolutely horrified, grabbed her child away, and said "I've never seen anything like that before in my life"!

I did think... she'll learn!

OP posts:

thebigkahuna · 06/12/2011 14:02

Time out at 18 months? Seriously?

TribbleTrappedinTinsel · 06/12/2011 14:04

Crosshair Nobody does warn you it's true.

valiumredhead · 06/12/2011 14:06

What would you have done then thebigkahuna?

HavePatience · 06/12/2011 14:09

My DS sat for a 1 minute-ish time out at 18 months. A consequence for the behaviour was being removed from the play - even 30 seconds is enough for them to get the idea .... or start getting it.

ArtVandelay · 06/12/2011 14:11

Toddlers are like tiny cavemen or drunks - I'm never surprised by anything that happens at play group now. My mum maintains I never bit or hit anyone when I was small but I just don't see how thats possible. DS hurled himself at my friends newborn the other day because he couldn't bear the fact that she was sitting on my knee. Obviously I told him off but he was in such a jealous state I doubt he heard a word - its just a stage

buttonmoon78 · 06/12/2011 14:11

Well, look at that! Huge over-reactions are like buses! You wait for one all day and then two come along at once

OP yanbu.

Coccyx I truly don't get your problem. And that's from the mother of a ds who was constantly hit by an undisciplined 'friend' for nearly two years.

SecretSantaSquirrels · 06/12/2011 14:15

DS2 was a biter. I used to dread collecting him from nursery as there would be someone greeting me at the door with "He's bitten x today". It was a daily walk of shame.
One day we were at the airport and the boys were in the soft play area. A blood curdling scream rang out. My first thought was "oh no he's bitten someone". Then DS2 came out purple faced and yelling - with a huge set of teeth marks on his arm. I'm sorry to say I was delighted -that he was the bitee and not the biter.

And I was so gracious to the perpetrator's embarrassed mother.

breathedeeply · 06/12/2011 14:21

My eldest was bitten at nursery aged 2 (by another 2 yr old). I was appalled when they told me (although he wasn't hurt). I demanded that the biter be excluded and threatened to write to OFSTED (totally PFB of course). Two months later my child bit another 2 year old (I think to force him to drop a toy that he wanted) and left a bruise on his arm. I was mortified, particularly as the child's mother (who had 2 older children) was very understanding. With my next 3 DCs I learned to keep things in proportion!

thebigkahuna · 06/12/2011 14:22

Oh, a good clip round the ear would have sorted him out valium

If my 17mo had done this, I would have just apologised and moved her away. If that's what the OP did, then fair enough.

I understand phrases like 'time out' to refer to parenting techniques employed by the likes of supernanny and the OP would earn a great big rolly-eyed 'you will learn' from me if she's trying to do any kind of naughty step/time out discipline on a baby of 18mo.

Perhaps the OP is from somewhere that moving a child away is referred to as time out, however.

valiumredhead · 06/12/2011 14:29

I read it as time away from the crawling baby - not time out as in Super Nanny, but a good clip round the ear would've sorted it all out

thebigkahuna · 06/12/2011 14:31

Exactly valium, spare the rod, spare the child

Valium - you are here a LOT, aren't you? Feel like I'm always responding to you.

HandMini · 06/12/2011 14:33

I think the baby's mother overreacted, but I also think the OP is a bit snidey to come on here and post about her "inward smiles" at the baby's mother being shocked. So the woman was shocked, so she'll learn, so you're one step ahead in the toddler behaviour knowledge. Give her a break, she saw her baby getting tapped or whatever, and was clearly a bit worried/stressed/upset by it.

thebigkahuna · 06/12/2011 14:35

Handmini has a point. Your baby is only 6 months older than hers. They'll be at pre school together in a couple of years.

valiumredhead · 06/12/2011 14:36

Ha thebigkahuna! About as much as you it would seem

Original poster

DonInKillerHeels · 06/12/2011 14:39

In this instance just a move away and a hand hold for a few seconds to help him calm down - he's way too young to understand proper time out. Moving and calming works though, so far....

OP posts:

Moominsarescary · 06/12/2011 14:40

breathe seriously?

Sudaname · 06/12/2011 14:58

I love it - yes love it [evil] - when my 3 yr old monster pfb nephew comes worse off when his 5yrs old (half) sister has had enough of his constant lunging,pushing,pulling and hitting (all he ever wants to 'play' is fighting it seems and his pfb mum never stops him ) and pushes him away or blocks him - a little too hard for his liking - and he goes red and then purple and actually shudders and bares his teeth with pure temper. No he doesnt like it back thats for sure.

I always think 'Ha that'll learn im'

breathedeeply · 06/12/2011 15:08

Moomin - yes, I did seriously demand that the biter was excluded from nursery and I did threaten to write to OFSTED. Totally OTT and v embarrassed now. Luckily the nursery didn't acquiesce and I did (eventually) calm down and get a sense of perspective. When someone hurts your first child for the first time (even another child at nursery) you discover your inner lioness.

HavePatience · 06/12/2011 15:25

breathe that is such a good story. Only 2 months later! Incredible. I never thought my child would hit, either, especially as he doesn't see any hitting at home. I still don't understand why it is something he thought to do.

Moominsarescary · 06/12/2011 15:34

My youngest is 8 months old and has so far been hit on the head, poked and climbed on by friends baby's ranging from 10 months -13months, there just baby's there's no maliciousness in it, who knows why they do it.

This thread has reminded me of one a few months ago where am 8 month old was making excited seal like slapping motions when she sees her little friends and accidentally caught the 14 month olds leg.

Mine has started doing the same excited seal flapping, I keep him well away from other baby's just in case.

difficulttimes · 06/12/2011 15:50

My DS has been having a hitting phase recently

he does it when he gets hyper, and to get attention.

I think mothers are generally a bit precious sometimes and need to man up, then again If I had a baby and a toddler was being naughty I may feel the same way.

MosEisley · 06/12/2011 15:57

I think you know that your parenting is fine. She will learn. Or else she will come on here and froth alot.

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