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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

PFB? Hitting...

72 replies

DonInKillerHeels · 06/12/2011 11:41

AIBU to have inwardly smiled at this? Despite feeling a bit bad that it was my DS's fault...

Yesterday in the library my DS, 18 months, walked up to a crawling baby c. 12 months and tried to hit her. Not hard at all and certainly not maliciously; he missed her, and in any case it was so gentle the other baby didn't even look up (!). But obviously hitting is wrong, I never allow it, and I took him to one side and gave him a little time out.

The other baby's mother, however, looked absolutely horrified, grabbed her child away, and said "I've never seen anything like that before in my life"!

I did think... she'll learn!

OP posts:
RockingBEYONDtheXmasTree · 06/12/2011 12:11

Oh dear Coccyx I must be the bad parent... My DS (about 12m at the time) was pushed off a toy car by a little boy (about 3?). He wasnt hurt, the little boys mum told him off. And I laughed.

WorraLiberty · 06/12/2011 12:11

Some kids are more sly than others and learn from an early age to do it out of eye shot of their delusional parents maybe?

I don't recall one of my 3 hitting, but I'm absolutely sure he must have done at some point. Trouble is, he's 12yrs old now so my memories about that sort of thing are fading.

EdithWeston · 06/12/2011 12:14

The only way that Coccyx's posts fits the OP is if she is saying that properly parented toddlers never ever act up, and so OP's "poor" parenting led to her toddler misbehaving in the first place.

I have never met a toddler who has never acted up.

OP: I agree - if the other parent thinks this incident is beyond the pale, then she may well have a rude awakening ahead of her!

Original poster
DonInKillerHeels · 06/12/2011 12:47

(lunch break)

I wasn't inwardly smiling at the other baby being hit - I was embarrassed that it was my DS and sorry for the other baby. I was simply bemused that the other mother assumed DS must be the devil incarnate and had never seen toddlers hit before.

BTW cognitively 18 month olds are not capable of doing anything maliciously. Deliberately, yes. Maliciously, no.

Hitting is still wrong. Not sure how putting DS in time out makes me a bad parent though - should I have slapped him? Strapped him down all day? Not given birth to him? Wink

OP posts:
howlongwilltheynap · 06/12/2011 13:00

YADNBU

TheScaryJessie · 06/12/2011 13:07

Good thing the other mother wasn't at my local playgroup a few months ago! A little girl came over and tried to step on my toddler, who was asleep on a beanbag!

TheScaryJessie · 06/12/2011 13:07

How would she have coped with such a sight?!

Crosshair · 06/12/2011 13:08

Reading this thread has made me realise I have no idea how kids work. Xmas Confused

JjingleBeanplusPudalltheway · 06/12/2011 13:15

Sorry but yabu

The other women was NOT pfb. Our bloody nephew has been hitting all the time, he's 16mo my two are 3 and 4 and its bloody annoying! Wether they know its wrong or not its still not nice. If not so dn does it to dc#3 when it arrives my patience will officially evaporate.

TheScaryJessie · 06/12/2011 13:15

You know, I wouldn't even call the behaviour in the OP "acting up". It's not behaviour I encourage , but it is entirely normal for an eighteen-month-old old to see another baby or toddler and then to try and poke/prod/tap/hit the other one.

They learn it's not acceptable, after a while, and then within a couple of years, they start trying to kiss or cuddle every other younger toddler they see. Which, ironically, was behaviour they used to hate from older to toddlers, when they were the ones being cuddled.

TroublesomeEx · 06/12/2011 13:18

JjingleBean, that would annoy me too! But this isn't what the OP is describing.

A one off incident in a public area by a strange child whose parent responds appropriately is wildly different to ongoing and persistent behaviour that is not being addressed (which is what is sounds like from your post)

HavePatience · 06/12/2011 13:19

ffs she dealt with the behaviour.

coccyx please tell us what you would have done since you are so all-knowing of what is 'good' and 'bad' parenting. Would you have smacked the child or something? I'm confused about what she should have done differently in order to be a good parent, in your little tiny one person book. Genuinely confused.

TheScaryJessie · 06/12/2011 13:20

But then, I have toddler twins, who even went through a phase of biting each other, so perhaps I've developed a different perspective on children's interactions.

SarahSlaughter · 06/12/2011 13:30

When my twins were tiny an old friend came to visit with her two (18m & 2 1/2 yrs). My DH & I (who are generally fairly laid back) watched in horror as they rampaged (we thought) through the house.

After they left we hitched up our judgy pants and sniffed about how our children would never behave that way...

Karma came back to bite me on the bum when I went to visit another friend with my two a couple of years later. Blush It turns out that watching a bunch of adults coo over a baby in a house with no toys (and no biscuits!) isn't that much fun for toddlers. who knew?

BTW the rampaging toddlers (now at school) and myy two (now four yo) all sat and played beautifully together a few weeks ago...

TheScaryJessie · 06/12/2011 13:38

Biscuits are essential!

TroublesomeEx · 06/12/2011 13:40

Grin @ SarahSlaughter

SarahSlaughter · 06/12/2011 13:44

Jessie - isn't twin biting fun. one of my friends Once looked at their arms aghast and said with horror " you allow them to bite each other?"

I had to leave the room to bang my head off the wall quietly in the kitchen.

SarahSlaughter · 06/12/2011 13:47

I know they kindly offered me a cup of tea and brought water for the children but crucially no biscuits! I know they had some because I brought some with me!

TheScaryJessie · 06/12/2011 13:50

If one of my friends had said anything like that to me, I think I'd probably be still in the kitchen, headbanging.

I salute you!

valiumredhead · 06/12/2011 13:53

And how will you be when another older child hits him for no reason

I imagine she will deal with it appropriately just as she did in this instance - she took him to one side for time out, away from the baby.

SarahSlaughter · 06/12/2011 13:55

Smile Jessie, I know, she's a lovely girl, with one very quiet daughter and she's always coming out with these gems.

I was thinking of giving her a clue for Christmas seeing as she hasn't got one but think it might be too hard to giftwrap...

BarfTheHeraldAngelsHeave · 06/12/2011 13:55

Ahh, hair pulling, hitting, biting, sitting on, running into or just accidenty walking on other children. All of the hallmarks of your average toddler.

Along with biscuit stealing, of course.

Naturally any parent whose child does any of those things is evil incarnate.

....so that all of us then Xmas Grin

Crosshair · 06/12/2011 13:59

''Ahh, hair pulling, hitting, biting, sitting on, running into or just accidenty walking on other children. All of the hallmarks of your average toddler.''

Nobody warns you about such things!

mrsjay · 06/12/2011 14:01

maybe the mum thought your baby was a thug in training op Grin alot of mums are horrified that children hit its not unusual and as you said the mum will learn . and i cant see how its bad parenting you gave your child a time out ,

MrSpoc · 06/12/2011 14:01

Come on Cockxy. Do you have kids.

My eldest at 18mths'ish used to hit older kids. We were always embarressed and tried to address his behaviour.

Our youngest has never hit (not that we have noticed) but he still has time (nearly 2) but when other kids do hit him in play group / soft play etc, we shrug it off (unless its a child of an age that should know better).

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