To be hurt to get christmas card from MIL and SIL

[dottygirl1]

Maybe I am being sensitive.....My dad passed away in September, after a very short illness. My poor mother is now with palliative care and we are expecting the worst any day, again this is a relatively short illness. Just a few months ago they were both well. We are all distaught in my family. I was hurt and upset that my Sil and Mil sent us christmas cards.....it is a certainty that we are not going to have a festive christmas. My DH doesnt really see why I would be hurt so maybe it is just me. Mindyou my sister couldnt believe they sent them to me.

Incidentally, at my Dad's funeral one of his (very odd) friends said 'I don't think you were his favourite were you?'

And at my Mum's funeral, a friend of hers tried to get me to arrange work experience for her niece

Nowt as queer as folk etc.

the thing is some people would be hurt if their loss was ignored and no cards were received and they werent involved in family christmas and other people would be hurt if they were

you just cant win tbh

OP, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been in a similar position. Both my parents got really sick within months in their early 60s, then died within 22 months of each other (my mum just after I had a baby). I too was distraught and all over the place emotionally.
I don't think your MIL and SIL have been insensitive though and I suspect the only reason you do is that grief distorts our perspectives of things. We get so consumed with the raw pain of it all, that people around us often can't do right for doing wrong. If people love us, they understand this and cut us some slack when we over-react about something or take offense at a well-meaning gesture.
When you find yourself reacting to things like this, there's no need to feel silly-you're in shock and in grief - and it's worth recognising it for what it is. Don't beat yourself up please!
Try to keep in with MIL and SIL though, as you might be glad of their company and support in the coming months.
Sending you a big unmumsnetty hug and may you have the strength and peace to get you through the days ahead. Inbox me if you like.

I don't think you are being over sensitive at all - I would feel very hurt if friends send me a jolly Christmas card - I would feel the card was sent without thought and was therefore meaningless. I would however, particularly appreciate a card acknowledging their thoughts for me at a difficult time.
That said, everyone is so so different and I have in the past sent a thinking of you Christmas card to someone who had lost their mother ... and that went down very badly too. I guess I just misjudged the recipient and how they felt about their bereavement and how they wanted to get on with their lives.

JTCM4, why were you on this and resurrecting it, I'm curious?

Yabvu but I completely understand why you are upset in general, totally understandable x

ZOMBIE THREAD ALERT

I'm very sorry your going through this.

My friends husband died on Christmas Eve after a very short illness. He was only in his 40's, of course she was devastated. But we still send cards etc as Christmas will always be here and we raise a glass for him.

Sorry to hear about your parents but you are being unreasonable.

They are just sending cards as usual.