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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect my dp to have made some attempt at dinner when working from home

72 replies

Soups · 05/12/2011 19:28

Really? During one of his many trips to make coffee, or lunch, or get a snack, could he not have thought about dinner? I wasn't expecting to get in from work to a 3 course meal cooked from scratch. Maybe take some sausages, or meatballs out of the freezer, or put some jacket spuds in the oven and got out one of the home made frozen curries or chillies for a topping. At the very least turned on the FRIGGIN OVEN. Boiled the kettle to cook pasta? Anything?

Do you know what? It took me frigging 60 seconds to think, I know, my kids can have omelette and salad. I'll have that Qourn ready meal. Within 10 mins I'd put the oven on, cracked eggs into the pan, mixed them, took the grated cheese out the fridge and put on top, get pre-cut salad out the fridge, fold the omelette, out it all on two plates, put my ready meal into the oven.

OP posts:

Sparkletastic · 05/12/2011 19:31

so do I take it you didn't make him anything?
YANBU

thebigkahuna · 05/12/2011 19:33

DH and I are both pretty crap at this kind of thing, tbh, unless we meal plan.

I will obviously feed the children before he gets home. But if we're having a disorganised week then we'll quite often scratch our heads and wonder what to have for dinner at 6.30.

Quorn ready meal sounds vile btw!

deaconblue · 05/12/2011 19:33

humpf, my dh doesn't always make an attempt at getting dressed when working from home :)

Original poster

Soups · 05/12/2011 19:37

Sparkletastic no frigging way That's why I put myself in a Qourn meal, he doesn't like Qourn. He's currently scratching his head looking through the freezer.

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 05/12/2011 19:39

You should buy him a crystal ball for christmas...

Failing that, indulge in a bit of communication.

Original poster

Soups · 05/12/2011 19:45

I don't want to have to ask him, or tell him, squeakytoy . Why can't he think? Like I do.

OP posts:

LoveInAColdClimate · 05/12/2011 19:48

YANBU. I bet it didn't occur to him to stick a load of washing on either?

mrsravelstein · 05/12/2011 19:48

my dh has cooked one meal in the 6 years we've been together. in fairness to him, that was very early on in our relationship, and i told him he'd done it wrong (major control freak, especially when it comes to putting kidney beans in chilli sauce in the chilli, instead of, obviously, kidney beans in water) so i can see why he was offput.

ChaoticAngel · 05/12/2011 19:50

YANBU Presumably he has a brain that is capable of thought. Tell him he needs to use it.

keepingupwiththejoneses · 05/12/2011 19:52

I have a similar problem at the moment, DH is self employed and not able to get any work at the moment. He complains at the thought of doing anything, if he does start dinner, he forgets I live here too, just makes his and dc's so I end up doing my own anyway

LunaticFringe · 05/12/2011 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurplePidjInAPearTree · 05/12/2011 19:53

YADNBU, mine was working from home for the first two years of or relationship then was made redundant last week. I work full time too (no kids) The rule is: if you're home first, you make dinner.

He is also perfectly capable of keeping on top of the washing up, shopping and laundry. I think I last washed an item of clothing in October. I occasionally worry that I'm the one taking the piss in our relationship by not doing my fair share! gives me a good excuse to bake cake at the weekend

Original poster

Soups · 05/12/2011 20:03

LunaticFringe I purposefully didn't plan, because it's always up to me to initiate conversations about dinner, nearly every day I think before leaving for work what we'll feed the children and ourselves.

OP posts:

LunaticFringe · 05/12/2011 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Catsmamma · 05/12/2011 21:48

you have to train them...get them in the habit of thinking about supper.

meal planning is a real ballsache, but it does work, and the children can get involved in choices and maybe shopping. Mine are all teens so they also get to help prep do the stuff I don't want to do and are often delegated to produce a meal once a week.

I know you want him to think for himself, but independent thought really isn't going to hit him like magic! Train him!

GirlWithALlamaTattoo · 05/12/2011 21:49

Doesn't it depend on how hard he was working? Sometimes when I work from home I'll have half a dozen cups of tea and go out for a few fags, but all the time be focused on work and oblivious to the domestic sphere. Other days, I might not have time to cook, but can at least get something out to defrost, or think of something quick to do when the work's finished.

What would happen if you asked him if he'd thought of anything for tea?

Get0rf · 05/12/2011 21:52

No. Just because he is working at home it doesn't mean he can fit in a load of domestic tasks.

When I am working from home it is because I need to concentrate on a task - I get up, sit with the laptop on, and work continually, usually with very few breaks.

I am not able to just turn off and start thinking about dinner and then actually start to cook it. I am working.

PurplePidjInAPearTree · 05/12/2011 21:53

These are fully grown adult men, they're not stupid! How did they cope when they lived on their own? Or is it seriously only DP, DBIL and a handful of their mates who are capable of this

There are some guys out there who should be massively ashamed at themselves

SinicalSal · 05/12/2011 21:58

In a frankly unprecedented turn of events, I don't agree with GerOrf. Yes, he should've taken something out of the freezer. Emergency dinners should be for emergencies, not when someone is a bit gormless. Unless it was genuinely a day from hell at work for him.

Trills · 05/12/2011 21:59

If you normally do dinner than YABVU to expect him to get something out of the freezer. How was he to know that you didn't have plans, and that his thing-from-the-freezer would be unwanted and wasteful?

Also, boiling water for pasta is not a minute's preparation which can be then left because you have work to do, it is a commitment to actually making a whole meal.

Eggrules · 05/12/2011 22:00

I normally work from home and always sort DS's dinner out. If I have time I make ours if not I wait for DH to come in. He always does bedtime and so I make dinner then. I cook in bulk and there is always stuff in the freezer that he can make himself.

I think if he is saving time on the commute and the rest of the family is getting in after he has finished work he should have stuff ready.

NormaSparklerFlashBangAhhh · 05/12/2011 22:04

When working from home I do make sure I have cooked dinner. But I have to tell work I am off for half an hour. It really was not that convenient last week

NormaSparklerFlashBangAhhh · 05/12/2011 22:05

Oops. Posted too soon.

But then dh and I discuss and generally know what is on the menu for the next day. And he does the majority of the cooking during the week.

DeckTheHugeWithBoughsOfManatee · 05/12/2011 22:08

I think YAB a bit U and passive aggressive. If you think jobs should be divided differently, say something instead of just sulking when your OH doesn't just Bluetooth your desires directly from your brain.

When I work from home I frequently lose track of time, forget to eat and generally get absorbed in work. Just because he's in the house doesn't mean he's focusing on it. Ask him, train him, but din't just set him up to fail and then berate him for being crap.

squeakytoy · 05/12/2011 22:09

I have this magical gadget called a mobile phone. I speak to my husband at least once during the day and we discuss dinner.

If I wanted him to do something, I would just say "could you do xxxx please".. he would usually say "yes no prob" and that would be it...

No need to simmer and fume about something that didnt get done because nobody mentioned it.

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