To expect my dp to have made some attempt at dinner when working from home

[Soups]

Really? During one of his many trips to make coffee, or lunch, or get a snack, could he not have thought about dinner? I wasn't expecting to get in from work to a 3 course meal cooked from scratch. Maybe take some sausages, or meatballs out of the freezer, or put some jacket spuds in the oven and got out one of the home made frozen curries or chillies for a topping. At the very least turned on the FRIGGIN OVEN. Boiled the kettle to cook pasta? Anything?

Do you know what? It took me frigging 60 seconds to think, I know, my kids can have omelette and salad. I'll have that Qourn ready meal. Within 10 mins I'd put the oven on, cracked eggs into the pan, mixed them, took the grated cheese out the fridge and put on top, get pre-cut salad out the fridge, fold the omelette, out it all on two plates, put my ready meal into the oven.

Is it really about dinner, or is it about the fact that you are both adults, running a household, and one of you is letting down their side of the bargain by allowing the other to do all the thinking and planning?
^

I think "lucky" rather than weird, becstar.

YABU. How about actually having a conversation?

I would really resent it if my dh assumed I'd do anything about a meal when I'd been at home all day, working or otherwise.

Yup I'll admit to lucky But although DH is pretty damn marvellous I have never left something undone in the hope that he would do it, or not called him in the expectation that he would call. Marvellous he is, but he's emphatically not a mind reader. He won't plan the week's dinners unless he is specifically asked so to do. He's a bloke, innit. The only thing he plans in advance is his fantasy football team. (wildly sexist generalisation... ...)

He can't really read your mind.

If you want him to make the tea, just say Monday, Wednesday,Friday (or whatever you decide) you make the tea and you decide what we are having.

And don't comment too much if he doesn't do it the way you would.

OP you should maybe have a look at the book 'Wifework'. I've heard a lot about it but haven't got round to getting/reading it but probably would be a good read.

This really annoys me at the weekend and on hols (SAHM so DP works mon-fri so roles are more clear on those days). DP just 'assumes' that I'll be the one to 'think' about dinner, even when I am ill,

If the OP's anything like me, she'll have had the conversation with DH already, but it's going unheeded.

Bec, that's the point. You have to ask. "Because he's a bloke" isn't a good reason for him not to be taking automatic equal responsibilities for foods.

But soups didn't ask her dp to do the dinner, therefore is equally guilty of assumption, no?

I think he could be forgiven if this was an occasional lapse - I work from home every monday and manage to do a brisk clean, make soup and prepare a meal most weeks. But when things are a bit fraught workwise, nothing gets done.

Soups you know you're not being unreasonble. He's clearly not pulling his weight and continually expecting you to pick up the slack

Question is, what you going to do about it. Asking him, waiting for him to realise he's hungry etc etc isn't working.

A new game plan is needed to get him to buck his ideas up methinks

I work at home. On mat leave now, but used to start when DH left, and stop when he came home. No washing, cooking or other housework (usually). Once you start 'just one little thing', the whole day disappears.

In our two f/t woh household, it works thus:
We share equally the 'after school duties' - the pick-up.
Whoever is on pick-up duty does dinner. At a time suitable for DC. The other one may or may not be working late but there will be a leftover dinner redy for when they do.
The expectation that there is a rota / system for knowing who is responsible on what day makes it work.
I don't see that working from home adds obligation to the share of cooking, unless one person has a huge long commute and never gets home til 7 or 7.30, while work-from-home partner switches off their computer at 5 and plays on the X Box.
I am a much better cook than DP, some of his meals and combinations of things to have together are horrible - but there you go. We haven't the luxury of a chef-school sahp.

I work from home and I NEVER make dinner.

COCK you are again missing the point. She shouldn't have to ask all the time, he should have enough about him to suggest it himself first if she hasn't already. For me, I automatically think about what will be done for dinner at some point during the day. My DH does not, this shouldn't be the case.

Even if it's just an "Oh, have we any plans for dinner tonight darling?" Just him thinking of it and voicing would be nice.

Meh. I still don't see what's wrong with actually having a conversation, whoever starts it.

I agree with Blu that some kind of rota or system is essential for this kind of thing, otherwise one party just tends to assume that the other will do it. Or indeed both might come home with dinner on the same night, and neither the next day.

Maybe time for a sit down and a bit of a discussion about how household chores are shared and who does what when?

Erm. At the risk of adding fuel to the fire I suspect YAB a bit U. Speaking as someone who works from home sometimes, I find I get so caught up in it I rarely have time to cook a meal as well (and eat). Plus I know if I cook a meal in advance then DH will want something else, but that's a different story - is your DH worried about that?
Maybe agree in advance what you want to eat that night and what you want him to do about it (take mince out of freezer or whatever).
I do, however, think that putting a load of washing on and putting the bins out are entirely compatible with working at home. Similar if you have a dishwasher (envious emoticon as I don't)

I also agree with a rota system or having certain tasks that belong to each person.

So in our house I take care of cooking and meal planning as default unless I agree with DP otherwise. DP deals with washing up and generally taming the chaos I make of the kitchen whenever I cook, if for any reason he won't be able to do it then he has to ask me or I will assume he is sorting it out. We usually have at least one night a week when DP cooks and I wash-up just for a change but we meal plan so know what day this will be in advance. This works because we both know what is expected and avoids general annoyance over guessing who is doing what.

COCK absolutely think conversations are fine, and necessary, it'd be nice if he started it for a change though, instead of it always being me that sorts it - it wouldn't be sorted at all if I stayed quiet you see. The issue has already been talked about before too!

(That kind of thing is the impression I get of the OP's problem, that's why I'm banging on about me)

We meal plan, but unless I say to DH on the day, at tea time, "it's your turn" it wouldn't happen.

I think its kind of irrelevant who is working where, the issue is that the op is sick of being the only one thinking about the meal, OH assumes that it will appear with no input from him. I have similar DH is perfectly capable of shopping and cooking and on ocaision does I am at home at the moment (redundancy) so am resigned to doing it most days, teenage DS1 and 2 eat easy meal on a friday and sat as they are usually going out and yes I have been guilty of sitting waiting to see if DH offers to get tea, or even asks what we should have simply because I don't want it to be taken for granted that I will do it ALL the time. so OP YANBU, I see where you are coming from.

PS... how DO you spell occaision?