to think Cancer Research should rethink some of their marketing?

[MrsCarriePooter]

This is a fairly mild AIBU but interested in what you think.

We were in our local Cancer Research shop this morning and in the window they had a big poster of a woman who had survived breast cancer, but the wording was something about "Vanessa wasn't going to let cancer beat her". I said to the volunteer insider when I was paying that I thought that was a bit offensive, as though those who die from cancer just had decided to roll over and "let cancer beat" them. Was I just being overtouchy? Having had relatives die of cancer I know I could be. The volunteer said "she'd pass my views" on to the area manager.

I would also like to add that my mum's cancer experience has forced me to evaluate my own life and I am much more positive as a result. Life is short and we have to sieze the day. We cannot let cancer destroy us.
Yes I am shocked, horrified and saddened by cancer but it has helped me put my life into persepective. I am now eating healthily and working out every day. I might get cancer anyway but I feel it is important to nurture my body and soul regardless.
My mum's death alos helped me cut ties with toxic people and situations etc.

Heartfelt thanks for starting this thread, OP. It's enabled me to put my finger on why I've felt so uncomfortable with the language of cancer for some time now.

My friend died of an inoperable brain tumour at the age of thirty, four years ago. It was about four months from diagnosis to death. It wasn't a battle, but a rout: he stood less of a chance than one of the soldiers who died in the battle of the Somme. It was a horrible way to die and he left a wife and baby son. Anyone who says thinking positively could have somehow caused the disease not to have metastised into his liver and lymph glands or to have stopped him losing the power of speech before he died can fuck off, and when they get there, fuck off some more.

My heart goes out to all of you who have lost anyone and all of you who have or have had this disgusting disease.

Noodlemacdoodle thank you for posting the link to the e-petition re brain tumours. The bare stark facts are available there for all to see.

If there is to be a "fight" it is for brain tumour activists to make ourselves heard, to help us scrabble for a piece of the funding for a cancer where survival rates have not moved on in 30 years and which is now the biggest cancer killer of children and the under 30s; put simply, less people get it but more die. Brain cancer is also particularly distressing due to the location of the tumour and the neurological symptoms it causes.

Less than 1% of CRUK funding goes directly to brain tumour research. I would not want additional funding to be at the expense of other cancers ... we just need to find more.

So sorry to hear of these stories. I have thought the same for some time after a dear lady I knew died a couple of years ago. I admired her so much and never thought for one second of her "losing" any kind of fight. It was awful to witness: as though her own body had declared war on itself. But she was so dignified and brave and positive. I think of her often :)

Becstarsky that is exactly what happened to me - people would avoid mentioning my brother's illness as if they were afraid they would somehow catch cancer if they did. I remember one person visibly recoiling from me when I mentioned that he was ill.

It's interesting that you never hear the people haven't been brave, or fighting, when they have cancer. And what if cancer does 'beat' Vanessa in the poster in the end? Has she not been determined enough?

I haven't read the whole thread - I just can't :(

I have complained about this in the past - nothing seems to change :(

The people I have lost to cancer did bloody fight & it upsets me when things like this imply they didn't.

I know their advertising needs to be 'emotional' to get the money in - but ffs, a little more thought wouldn't go amis.

OP back here. Bit stunned, but in a good way, at what my "mild AIBU" has turned into. My thoughts go out to everyone dealing with this horrible thing, or grieving for lost ones.

I have signed Noodle's petition, especially apt for me since my DF died of a brain tumour. He never stood a chance despite surgery, chemo and radiotherapy to prolong the inevitable. One of the many posts which struck me was Skewiff (?) saying that she understood now it wasn't a question of her mother fighting or not. It made me desperately sad to think someone could feel like that because of the "keep positive, keep fighting" mantra - food for thought I hope CRUK.

I just hope that CRUK do take note of what we've said. If anyone gets a reply, could they post an update please?

Noodle's e-petition link made clickable: submissions.epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/17419

Cancer is a very personal thing and I can see that CRUK have tried to advertise the positive but completely agree that can be a huge offense to people who have cancer and friends and relatives left behind to pick up the emotional pieces seeing someone you love go downhill fast is just plain awful no words can describe that feeling. My dad has terminal cancer and his story with cancer goes back 16 years and whoever posted about her dad and cancer and seeing it as race touched me so much. Sorry I can't remember who you are but thank you that is so true. We nearly lost him just over a year ago but he bounced back and his actual words were 'I'm not ready to go yet' and I can only hope and pray that when his time comes he will go in peace and with the dignity he deserves is all I want. I see this extra time as both a blessing and a curse. I absolutely love he is still here with us but on the flip side can see pain and suffering and completely and entirely selfish of me I dread seeing him if he goes downhill like before the shell that was my dad the life drained and so not at peace.

I see both sides of the argument. But, I suppose they're just trying to motivate people to not just roll over and give up after a diagnoses and inspire hope that they may get better. I've lost two very close relatives to breast cancer and feeling that they could 'fight or beat' it, or at least, feel they had any 'control' over their bodies, gave them a tiny bit of hope when times were very tough.

I've not read the whole thread. But thanks OP- I've always hated the talk of battles.

Living with cancer is the bravest thing I've ever seen, whatever the outcome.

Wishing peace to all.

I agree, whole heartedly. If determination to 'win' was all that was needed cancer would claim far fewer victims.

petalbud,rather oddly the thing that has helped me since being diagnosed with breast cancer is accepting that I have very little control over it.I have changed my life to include more exercise and healthier eating,but not sure what real impact that'll have!

I hate the whole "cancer survivor" thing as well - I am 3 years post diagnosis,I hope I am fine - but if anyone says that to me I want to say that I'm still here,but who knows what is lurking in my body? I could have survived a car crash,a one off thing,but who knows when you can say you've survived cancer?

YANBU, I totally agree with you. There are a range of factors involved in surviving Cancer some of which Esta has highlighted on the first page. It is insulting to relatives and friends of those who have died of Cancer to insinuate that they did not try hard enough . My dear dad died of Cancer and so did my Gran, and various other relatives so its a cause that is close to me.

Noodlemacdoodle and Angela my husband also died of an inoperable brain tumour. As you say, because it is linked with mental illness (his tumour manifested itself mainly as dementia) as well as cancer, it is doubly threatening to people.

As you also said, fewer people are diagnosed but more of them die. It took 11 months to kill him, and there was no possibility of fight about it. And I say that about the best of men who would have done anything to stay with us.

Hugs to everyone on this thread, those having to try and cope with cancer and the treatment or worrying about a recurrence, and those who have lost loved ones because it.

Sorry, that should be Angachica

Thanks for starting this thread MrsCarriePooter

I absolutely agree. It is insidious and destructive, this 'battle' talk and I'm sure it gives a lot of cancer sufferers an added stress of 'performance anxiety'.

Brilliant thread and I hope CRUK take note.

Another one who agrees - battle talk is inappropriate, at best. If it helps some individuals to think in battle terms, thats absolutely fine, but a national campaign is not directed at just those individual personalities.

FWIW, when I had a life-threatening illness to tackle I did so with massive amounts of fear, occasional despair, gave in to depression a few times, as well as just getting on with it. Feeling it all was my way of dealing with reality and staying sane, and it didn't stop me getting well.

I also think this attitude of 'be brave, fight, don't let the bastard get you down' is pretty pervasive in our culture generally...left over of the 'stiff upper lip' times maybe....infertility? 'Just relax!' Miscarriage? 'Avoid stress.' Depression? 'Pull yourself together'

There are times when our attitudes make a difference, even huge differences in our life experiences - but they do not cause cancer (or infertility, or miscarriage, or flu, etc etc etc)

As for the campaign, there are so many better lines they could use.

I think, having worked in cancer treatment areas of hospitals (ie. breast cancer ward, rapid assessment breast cancer unit, neurosurgical theatres, etc.) the difference with cancer is that rather than a part of the body failing in some way, there is an 'invasion' of cancer cells. Which, I guess, leads to the association with the invasion of a war, hence 'battle' 'fight'. It doesn't make it right, or helpful, though.

CRUK do need to know that the very people they are fundraising for are being distressed by their advertising.

I am so sorry that all of you have had to even consider whether your loved ones 'fought' their cancer. It's a disease which steals life, and steals time.

There are some desperately sad phrases attached to cancer conditions. Like in Renal Cell Carcinoma. The 'too late triad' of flank pain, hematuria, and abdominal mass. What an awful phrase. Too Late Triad. But, at the moment, all too true.

Thanks to all of you for signing the [[https://submissions.epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/17419
petition]]. The NHS is great in so many ways, and I personally think it's great that the Gov see medicines research as a way to attract investment into this country. Cancer unforatunely touches all of us, we all either know someone who has is or who has had it. This should change, and the answer probably lies in 'difficult' areas of reasearch - genetics play a part so there are ethics issues. But still, it's such a major disease we should be able to change this for the better. Hopefully the Gov will listen, I posted it it to Ed Milliband the other day though and he didn't even answer.

When my Dad was diagnosed with cancer and then my DH too a month later I ended up in tears. My mum said I should think positive and crying didn't help.

My poor Dad ended up on antidepressants, the atmosphere around him was one of fake positivity.

Ironically when my Mum was diagnosed with cancer she freaked out. I guess it's not so easy to think positive when you are the patient.

Personally I really disliked the CRUK campaign about 'getting the all clear.' My DH will never get the magical 'all clear.' His consultant said that in the future there will be more people living with cancer as the drugs can control it, not cure it. My DH has lived with cancer for 9 years, it's not a battle, it's a slog.

It seems incredible that there is relatively so little research into brain tumours, when they are so evidently on the increase.

If I'd seen your Q to Ed Milliband, Noodle, I would've asked it again myself. (In a slightly different phrasing...so it wouldn't look like the same Q...)

Thank goodness for the latest glimmer of hope from the Government that people who don't respond to standard cancer treatment can now get experimental stuff to see if it works. There's ruddy brilliant stuff out there in phase 2 trials at the moment but it's 5 yrs from being available otherwise. If people are willing to take the risk, why not. With any luck it will make a difference to those with brain tumours, for example. What annoys me is that we have good therapies like the Cyberknife radiotherapy amazing robotic machine thingy and many of the NHS groups won't use them because of cost. Grrrrrr. The battle is with the authorities, half the time