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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask family to have my three children one weekend a month?

75 replies

MelodyPond · 04/12/2011 19:11

Dh is in the police and works three weekends out of every five.

We have three children aged 12, 8 and 3. I work four days a week and have my 3yr old on my day off. Both sets of gps are retired.

I am knackered. The last weekend out of the three comes round and I want to cry. Endlessly.

I tend to book dates to go.out with friends way in advance so that it falls when dh is home, so that ruins our family weekends.

So, Aibu if I ask family I'd they can have the children that last weekend, so I can go out, clean, chill out?

Go on, give it to me straight! :)

OP posts:

upahill · 04/12/2011 19:13

If there was plenty of family so the same people aren't getting coped every month it would b ok.

Squitten · 04/12/2011 19:14

You can ask. But you must not expect

LaurieFairyCake · 04/12/2011 19:14

Of course you can ask.

Genuine question - don't the 12 and 8 year old help out ? surely it's just the 3 year old that needs more input?

scaevola · 04/12/2011 19:15

I think it's OK to ask when it's close family.

But you must do it in a way that genuinely gives then the opportunity to say "no" (and you mustn't sulk if they do). And you must never assume that one "yes" will always mean yes.

In your shoes, I'd ask.

Mum1369 · 04/12/2011 19:15

Don't think it's unreasonable to ask, but not unreasonable for them to say no!

dickiedavisthunderthighs · 04/12/2011 19:15

Every fourth weekend for the whole weekend? Yes YABU.
I don't think it's unreasonable to ask GP's to take kids out for a day or a day/night here and there to give you a breather but a monthly commitment is way too much IMO.

pinkyredrose · 04/12/2011 19:15

Are they used to having all three? I don't think it's unreasonable to ask, it's family after all.

Flisspaps · 04/12/2011 19:16

YANBU to ask (maybe one set of GPs one month, the others the following month so it's only every other month each set are being asked) but YWBU to expect them to agree. Having children is hard work and knackering - but at 12 and 8 two of the three aren't even small any more, so it's not the same as chasing three little children round.

Is there any reason why you book dates with friends for when DH is home? Why not ask GPs to babysit for the night when you go out and DH is at work, leaving you the weekends DH is off free to spend as a family instead?

DeeOfTheNorth · 04/12/2011 19:16

You are not BU to ask as long as you don't mind/don't make them feel awkward if they say no!

scruffybird · 04/12/2011 19:16

Every month ? Yabu. Why not visit with your children, so you can chill out there.

Original poster

MelodyPond · 04/12/2011 19:16

Oh they all need it Laurie. They argue non stop and the three year old takes all my attention as he is quite a handful.

I would never expect. But it just seems like a really good way for them to help out in a way they know its coming?

They may well tell me to Piss off!!!!

OP posts:

rainbowinthesky · 04/12/2011 19:17

I think yabu. It's fine if they want to have them but your 12 and 8 year old dont need much doing for them - especially 12 year old. 3 year old is surely the only one who needs a lot of input which can be shared by all of you.n

rainbowinthesky · 04/12/2011 19:18

If they argue non stop and your 3 year old is very demanding then they are probably less likely to agree!

Original poster

MelodyPond · 04/12/2011 19:18

I can't chill out with my 3 yr old there. We were at mils today and o ended up taking him out as he was such a nightmare and I felt like they just wanted us out :(

OP posts:

rainbowinthesky · 04/12/2011 19:19

Doesnt sound likely they'll say yes!

Original poster

MelodyPond · 04/12/2011 19:19

Fair enough. I just need a break, so desperately.

Thanks for all input though, glad to see its not a resounding yabu!

OP posts:

WowOoo · 04/12/2011 19:20

If they are happy to, why not? But once in a while seems nicer. Not every month.

You could take them out for a meal or give something to thank them.
I'd try if dc had grandparents.

lisad123 · 04/12/2011 19:22

Well if they can't handle one day, why would you think they would have them for whole weekend
You can ask but cant see them agreeing and can't see why they should. Your children, your life choices and so your stress I'm afraid

smartyparts · 04/12/2011 19:23

I can understand you're wanting a break, but don't blame gps for not wanting to have the children on a regular basis.

Anytime they do is a bonus.

My youngest is 9 and the thought of a 3 year old for a weekend is not appealing!

rainbowinthesky · 04/12/2011 19:24

I second that smarty pants. My youngest is 8 and having a 3 year old for a day would be really hard now.

squeakytoy · 04/12/2011 19:25

You could split them up.. 12yo and 3yo with one set of grandparents and the 8yo with the other.

minesarioja · 04/12/2011 19:25

As the eldest of 3, we spent every Saturday with my GPs (same set) from a very young age- prob the age yours are at. They lived about 20 mins drive away. We were dropped off at about 11 and collected by 6.30/7. My aunt usually came in the afternoon and took us out in her car to give GPs a break- shopping / ice cream/ walk- nothing spectacular but we enjoyed spending time with them. Maybe a whole weekend is too much to expect but even knowing you had a good 5 hrs to yourself on one of the days would be massively refreshing for you if it were an option.

3cutedarlings · 04/12/2011 19:28

Could you actually relax tho knowing your 3 YO would be a handful for them?

I dont think YABU to feel like you need a break, but if your finding things really difficult in general maybe you need to come up with some idea's on how to make things easier for you.

Would either of your older DC be able to maybe go out with their friends for the odd day at a weekend? or would it be any easier if they had friends over?

pointydog · 04/12/2011 19:29

How much babysitting do they do at the moment? If your 3 yr old's a nightmare and the other two argue the whole time, a weekend might be too much for them.

cantspel · 04/12/2011 19:33

what are the gp's going to do with 3 children whith such a differential in the age of the oldest and youngest?

The 12 year old isn't going to be happy stuck doing things suitable for a 3 year old and the 3 year old limits things they can do with the 12 year old.

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