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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"I dont want to dump the kids on DH twice in one week" what the F ? AIBU??

76 replies

MistyMountainHop · 04/12/2011 17:41

went out last night with some friends, one of whom's dh constantly text her asking her whereabouts and when she was going to be home, who was out etc Hmm her DH was at home with their 2 DC (aged 5 and 2 months). all of us are married but none of our dh's were interrogating us all night. he is always like this. talk about possessive.

it was so obvious she felt really guilty for being out (because he was making her feel guilty) and she ended up leaving really early. she never gets to go out anyway and this was meant to be her belated 30th birthday night out as she was PG when it was her actual birthday. she had been looking forward to it for ages.

anyway some of us are planning to go to the theatre this coming thursday and when we asked her she said "oh i can't, i don't want to dump the kids on DH twice in one week" my face looked exactly like this>>> Shock

  • I mean - what the actual fuck?? her DH is not some acquaintance who will be inconvenienced by looking after someone's children, he is her husband and dad to the kids and she is quite within her rights, as is he, to go out without the kids whenever she pleases!! neither of them are working so they are both with the kids 24/7 anyway. well to be fair, SHE is with the kids 24/7 as he is a lazy arsehole.

would me and her other friends be U to tell her, to get a grip FFS? and how can we say this nicely to her?

aarghhh Angry

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 04/12/2011 17:43

You say nothing because it is not your business. I will however allow you to raise one eyebrow in horror and disbelief Wink

valiumredhead · 04/12/2011 17:44

If neither of them are working she might not be able to afford theatre tickets and is using it as an excuse.

FredFredGeorge · 04/12/2011 17:45

She might be using DH as an excuse 'cos she doesn't want to go, it's nice and convenient to use your partner and kids as an excuse. But generally YABU to think that, my DP often dumps the baby on me and I'm quite fine with it, seems fair for all the times I dump the baby on her...

festi · 04/12/2011 17:45

I would not get involved to be honest it isnt any of your buisness, I tend to find in relatioships like this both are just as insecure as each other and act the same towards each other. Im sure saying anything will not change it.

Annoying I know I have a friend just like this and she does the same to him when he is out. I just roll my eys at it.

tanfastic · 04/12/2011 17:46

My first thought was maybe she can't afford two nights out in one week if neither of them are working?

molly3478 · 04/12/2011 17:46

There are loads of men/women out there like that cant wear ths/where are you?/95 phone calls. Its annoying knowing people like this who do it/ put up with it isnt it bunch of weirdos!

Original poster
MistyMountainHop · 04/12/2011 17:48

oh sorry to drip feed but the theatre won't cost her anything as someone has managed to bag free tickets! and someone is driving so no cab / busfare needed.

OP posts:
iggi999 · 04/12/2011 17:49

She might not want 2 nights away from a 2 month old. I would not be chuffed if dh had 2 nights out in a week either, it works both ways!

squeakytoy · 04/12/2011 17:50

Maybe she just doesnt want to go, and is conveniently using him as her "alibi"... we have all done that.

abirdinthehand · 04/12/2011 17:52

If she has a 2 month old, I can see why she might not want to go out twice - if the baby is breastfed maybe it screams all evening with it's dad? Neither of mine took a bottle, so while I did go out now and then it was tough for dh cos there was nothing he could do for them if they woke. And no one enjoys3 hrs of a crying baby...

abirdinthehand · 04/12/2011 17:52

X post iggi

TheSecondComing · 04/12/2011 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slavetofilofax · 04/12/2011 17:55

YABU. It's none of your business, and maybe she would prefer to spend her evening with her husband and very small children rather than someone who doesn't seem to respect the way she chooses to run her relationship.

I wouldn't have gone out at all when my baby was two months old, so the fact that she has done it once in a week should be enough for you.

valiumredhead · 04/12/2011 17:56

Whatever the reason, it is not your place to question her decision if she has said no.

Laquitar · 04/12/2011 17:57

She has a newborn and no money (even if the tickets are free you will probably buy a drink or snack)

And maybe she doesn't want to go out with someone who is so angry.

AnnieLobeseder · 04/12/2011 18:01

Wow, I'm not shocked by your post, OP, sadly a lot of women are in a position where the children are seen as solely their responsibly and the father makes a big deal out of 'having to babysit' his own children. YANBU to find it sad.

I am shocked, however, by all the subsequent posts who either seem to think this attitude is reasonable, or who don't seem to believe you and think she was making excuses. Seriously?

Laquitar · 04/12/2011 18:06

Annie the OP doesn't express empathy towards her 'friend' but anger.

Original poster
MistyMountainHop · 04/12/2011 18:26

i am angry towards her DH. not her. (but she doesn't know i feel like this)

for ruining her night out last night with his constant texting her. and for making her do all the work with their DC and for him making her feel that him looking after his OWN kids is a hardship

i DO wish she would grow a pair and tell him to buck his ideas up, step up to being a parent, and stop being a controlling twat

and the other people from the night out all feel the same.

and agree with everything annielobeseder said.

OP posts:
valiumredhead · 04/12/2011 18:29

annie it is not the OP's place to question WHY she has said no to going out. IF the friend invited the OP's responses then that is the time to say 'Actually, imo your dh is being a twat' not before.

Original poster
MistyMountainHop · 04/12/2011 18:30

oh and you know what?? if my friend had just said, oh i don't want to come out again, don't want to leave my baby again, i would be TOTALLY cool with that, its totally understandable, in fact i was the same with mine.

but she hasn't even MENTIONED not wanting to leave the baby, just that she doesnt want to "dump" the dc on her DH.

OP posts:
molly3478 · 04/12/2011 18:31

My husband and I feel the same about people we know both men and women, but they never learn unfortunately.

valiumredhead · 04/12/2011 18:32

It's the unwritten rule of not slagging off your mates' dhs as they are the ones that live and love them. IT doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. IF she turned up on your doorstep crying because she was unhappy THEN is the time to point out HIBU.

parakeet · 04/12/2011 18:33

How many texts would you estimate she received over the course of the night? Very roughly.

valiumredhead · 04/12/2011 18:33

IT=it

valiumredhead · 04/12/2011 18:33

Or 'It' even...