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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have said the following to a dad outside the supermarket this morning?

112 replies

TidyDancer · 03/12/2011 16:06

"excuse me, but there's a toilet inside"

The dad in question had just yanked the pants of his (estimated) four-year-old DS down outside the shop and instructed him to "piss up the wall". The little boy looked a bit confused and frankly embarrassed to be doing this. I (politely) called over to the dad and said the above. He told me "he's just a fucking kid" and told the boy to carry on.

Was I wrong to say anything? The child did not hear what I said, as the dad was standing at least 10-15 feet away and I made sure I said it quietly so as not to embarrass the child further. All parents get caught with a desperate child every now and then (I've been there myself!), but I fail to see how this dad could not have walked the child inside and led him to a cubicle. I really don't think I was wrong, the toilet was about a 20 second walk away and the child certainly didn't look like he wanted to pee up a wall. Confused

OP posts:
Ariesgirl · 03/12/2011 17:52

Mosschops, so you don't mind wading through piss outside a supermarket? I bet this guy lets his dog shit all the pavement as well and doesn't pick it up. You don't mind skidding in dogshit and walking it through the house, into the car etc.

Mind you own business FFS is all very well if it doesn't affect other people. But someoner relieving themselves in public does affect others

Original poster
TidyDancer · 03/12/2011 17:52

Yes that is a totally different situation Jjingle. That's entirely understandable that your DH did that. This dad was in no way like that. I can honestly say the child did not look so desperate the dad could not whip him into the supermarket.

It was, IMO, a lazy rude man who couldn't be bothered to take his little boy to the toilet. :(

OP posts:
Kytti · 03/12/2011 17:52

Well... bit tricky, all depends on the child. My ds is 4 and thinks nothing of whipping his pants down to wee if he needs to. Sometimes he doesn't even do it against anything, much to my shame! Grin

I would have taken him to the loo, but you don't know the boy. It's not the end of the world.

Original poster
TidyDancer · 03/12/2011 17:55

Why do I feel the need to poke my nose in? Well, like Aries points out, most people (myself included) don't like seeing children being embarrassed for no reason, or having urine up a wall.

I won't mind my own business and frankly would say the same again. I just hope you're being rude because you can, not because you'd do the same.

OP posts:
mosschops30 · 03/12/2011 17:56

aries i said fgs not ffs so get your quotes correct.

And no, i wear shoes to the supermarket so a childs wee wouldnt cause me any major problems.
I think you'll find that dog mess is a health hazard and an offence if not cleared up, ditto a grown man peeing in the street.
I dont think you'll find anything forbidding a young boy taking a wee when desparate

squeakytoy · 03/12/2011 17:56

I can honestly say the child did not look so desperate the dad could not whip him into the supermarket

The kid probably looked uncomfortable because some strange woman was staring intently at him and scrutinising him.

Original poster
TidyDancer · 03/12/2011 17:58

Nope, squeaky, not the case. I was a considerable distance away from him, he was looking back at his dad and didn't know what to do.

OP posts:
mosschops30 · 03/12/2011 17:58

But tidy all you are doing is making assumptions about someone elses child not based on any fact.
So i still think you are a sticky beak

VivaLeBeaver · 03/12/2011 17:58

Is this an example of passive aggressive?

The bloke would have known there was a toilet inside so no point telling him that when what you really meant was that you didn't like seeing his boy weeing outside. So why not just say that if you have to say anything?

Original poster
TidyDancer · 03/12/2011 17:59

Think what you like, mosschops, really. Like I said before, a child's embarrassment and public urination are neither things I find nice.

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 03/12/2011 18:00

The comparison of child pee to dog shit is ridiculous.

Try comparing child wee to dog wee instead. Which is sprayed freely all over the streets, and is generally stronger than wee from a small child.

Original poster
TidyDancer · 03/12/2011 18:01

Viva, because I thought it sounded better than ordering him inside. I know he's a local so he would've known, but saying anything like that tends to come off better if you assume someone doesn't know, rather than knows and is being a berk anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
TidyDancer · 03/12/2011 18:02

And no, I wouldn't have actually ordered him inside as an alternative.

OP posts:
AnyoneforTurps · 03/12/2011 18:04

YANBU. It's teaching his son that it's OK to pee anywhere. No doubt the father is the sort of man who pisses wherever he wants so that every alleyway & back street in the country smells rank. Well done for challenging the dad, as long as you're right that the boy didn't hear.

As others have said, no one minds an I've got to go NOW emergency in a small child but this sounds like it was a choice, not an emergency.

RainboweBrite · 03/12/2011 18:04

YANBU, OP. Poor kid, with a father who thinks it's ok to refer to him as "only a fucking kid".

Ariesgirl · 03/12/2011 18:21

Apologies Mosschops, but it was me who said FFS. I didn't intend quoting you.

I am not comparing child pee to dog poo at all. I am just saying that antisocial behaviour which goes unchallenged will remain antisocial if people never say anything because they are too concerned with "minding their own business". Having a piss up a wall in full view of people when there is a toilet nearby is antisocial children should be taught that. I fail to see why that's a controversial viewpoint.

fit2drop · 03/12/2011 21:03

Why are you even asking AIBU when you clearly think you were .
Dad could easily have been having a"bad " day (we all have had them ) He probably totally misunderstood your reasons , hence his "he's just a kid" response and then what I see as him reassuring his boy to carry on and not take any notice of the silly woman.

you made sure you were far enough away and yet quiet enough to not embarrass the child yet could clearly see/hear that the child was "mortified" Hmm

what makes you think you could hear him but he could not hear you.?
If you could hear the child then the child could obviously hear you chastising his dad, That in itself would have "mortified" the boy and made him feel even more uncomfortable.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 03/12/2011 21:13

I dashed out of WH Smith with my just 3 year old having noticed that her pants where slightly damp already and held her over a grate in the street. An -interfering- woman said "there are toilets round the corner". My DD was discretely between her brother's pushchair and me, she was over a grate and it was raining so any wee would have been washed away. I didn't say what the father said to you but boy did I think it.

pigletmania · 03/12/2011 21:25

Dame right i would have said something, that is why some men view the community as one big urinal.

pigletmania · 03/12/2011 21:29

I was walking down an open path which is fairly busy, and there was this man just standing in the middle of it going for a wee Hmm, there are many bushes nearby he could have done it. I compare it to the spitting in public, yuck!

AmberLeaf · 03/12/2011 21:30

YABVU

Im sure you embarrassed the child more by causing a scene like that.

Mind your own business!

pigletmania · 03/12/2011 21:33

Well hopefully now he has got the message that its not acceptable to go for a piss in the middle of the street when there is a perfectly good toilet nearby.

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 03/12/2011 21:36

piglet - comparing a grown man peeing in public to a preschool who may have a poor bladder control is ridiculous. If the little boy doesn't make it to the toilet it not OP that's left changing his wet clothes.

Firawla · 03/12/2011 21:43

I don't understand why a 4 yr old can't hold it long enough to go from outside the building to the toilets inside... really?? most children's bladder control is that bad?!? My 3 yr old if he needs the toilet, knows he has to wait til one is available even it might be 15 mins walk away or just wait til later. If the parents let them pee on walls and floor wherever they are then no wonder if some dc wont learn how to wait? Okay if its a real emergency and nowhere to go at all nearby and you chose a discrete place, rather than them have an accident but it should not be a norm. Outside a public supermarket about 2 min from a toilet, is just not necessary at all! so yanbu
especially as you say the dc did not want to pee there (and who can blame him, even small children should have their dignity) then it is really out of order for this father to ask him to do so, children will be embarrased to do that. I know mine would not want to do that either infront of everyone walking past, and with nowhere to clean himself and wash hands after - its not teaching good habits is it

BoffinMum · 03/12/2011 21:44

When I was in Beijing in the summer, it was completely normal for girls and boys under about 5 to be held up by their parents while they weed on the floor everywhere (outside).

Different strokes for different folks, as they say. Who cares?

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