Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU...to consider quitting my job and going on benefits for the first year of DC's life?

65 replies

ConfusedPreggo · 03/12/2011 01:50

Namechanged.

Am single, young-ish, and pregnant. My job is ok, but not extremely lucrative nor satisfying. I live in a country where there is no mandatory maternity leave, and none of it paid. I would be able to take 5 weeks at my current job maximum.

I studied child development at university and have longed for a child of my own for quite awhile, but the thought of having to leave them at 5 weeks in full time nursery is making me seriously Sad.

If I quit my job, I could go on benefits as a single mother, and there is an initiative in the town I live in for single mothers to live independently yet in a group of flats where they provide full-time education (free) and you can take the children with you to the uni classes. I would like to retrain, although that will take 2 years. I really, really want to be home as long as possible, 12 months ideally, although I suppose 6 months would be ok as it's what I'm used to being a British ex-pat. My elderly mother lives here to provide me with emotional support and occasionaly babysitting, although she is not able to care for an infant full time or even part time.

AIBU? I will take the flaming if so. Just the thought of leaving my helpless tiny baby in nursery (0 nannies here, literally) makes me so so so Sad

OP posts:
Trixxie89 · 03/12/2011 02:11

Didn't want to read and run, I don't think you are being unreasonable, you have a chance to be a parent and to retrain, if you are able to do that it would be much easier whilst your little one is young although you will be tired for a while.I think if there is ever a chance to better yourself in life you should take it ever so firmly in your hands and not let go until you win!! Good luck!! Xmas Smile xx

Petisa · 03/12/2011 02:21

You'll probably be flamed by some on here but I say - Go for it!

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/12/2011 02:27

Check your rights VERY carefully. I can't imagine there are a lot of countries that, if you quit your job voluntarily, will give you benefits for a year. I live in Canada and they certainly wouldn't here.

dreamingbohemian · 03/12/2011 02:30

That program sounds amazing, I say go for it!

Do make sure you're eligible, and that there's no chance of that changing before you have the baby.

tigerlillyd02 · 03/12/2011 03:09

If you are able to and eligible then by all means, fine. You do what you feel is right by your child (providing you can). It doesn't matter one bit what anyone else thinks of that decision. Follow your heart, work hard (whether that be parenting/studying/working) and you won't go far wrong. Congratulations by the way! :)

ShengdanRoad · 03/12/2011 04:15

I'm not sure why you think you're entitled to live off benefits just because you don't feel like putting your child in nursery, to be honest.

coldwed · 03/12/2011 04:20

Go for it. I wouldn't even be asking this question.

NinkyNonker · 03/12/2011 07:20

If you are eligible then do it. I would, but I know you and we will get flamed for that opinion.

AlpinePony · 03/12/2011 07:26

I find it very hard to imagine a country which gives 'non-existent' ml will happily let you quit your job and fanny around for a year at the expense of others. It's a complete contradiction.

Crabapple99 · 03/12/2011 07:31

I agree to check it our carefuuly, but certainly go for it if it's true! What a fentastic oppertunity. You get to spend a proper amount of time with your nes baby, AND will end up better qualified, better paid, and paying more tax in the future- everyones a winner.

Please take the education seriously though, it will NOT be easy, with a newborn, but for this to work out for you will take enormous self disipline. Keep in mind you are doing it for both of you.

Best wishes

daveywarbeck · 03/12/2011 07:36

I would be really really surprised if you were eligible for this scheme, given that you are currently employed.

NinkyNonker · 03/12/2011 07:37

I suspect it is a specified single parent programme, after all, in theory a better educated patent is more likely to be able to provide well and should need less help later down the line. Also, maybe a country with an old fashioned view of single mothers, wanting to house them all together etc?

Bossybritches22 · 03/12/2011 07:39

Yes check the small print first, but if it's workable then go for it, I totally understand your reasons & your child is only small for such a short time!

daveywarbeck · 03/12/2011 07:40

I agree with all that NN, but the OP is already employed and able to provide.

I would check the scheme very very carefully OP - ask the question straight, "I have a job, if I resign do I qualify for this scheme when my baby is born?" You could find yourself in a whole heap of trouble if you misrepresented yourself in any way.

timetoask · 03/12/2011 07:46

Are you sure you are entitled to the benefits if you resign voluntarily?
I totally understand how you feel, and also prefered to look after my babies when they were born rather than making use of child care, however I didn't need to go on benefits. There are several things to consider:

1- will you be able to find a new job after your break? The world is going through financial crisis at the moment and jobs are precious. If you have no means of supporting your child later you will live permanently stressed.

2- this is your first child, you have no prior experience of what it's like looking after a baby on your own day in and day out. I don't want to dampen your expectations, but it can be lonely, exhausting and boring. If you want to retrain, then that's great, but how will you manage with a tiny baby?

3- will the benefits you get really be enough to look after a baby? In most countries benefits are designed to help people in the short term. From what I have seen, the benefits in the uk are extremely generous compared to other parts of the world. Might be worth getting a little budget together.

Would it be at all possible for you to reduce your hours at work so that you can be more with your baby but remain employed?

Iwishthestorkwouldbringmybaby · 03/12/2011 07:51

YANBU, I would do it, I was forced to go back to work when eldest child was a few weeks old and it was hideous, I still regret all that missed time years on.

beachholiday · 03/12/2011 09:59

As you already studied child development at university, you might want to check very carefully that the scheme is open to you - it might not be open for re-training, just for people who have not yet gone to university.

Just check that and the benefits situation very carefully before you take any steps to resign from your job.

callmemrs · 03/12/2011 10:00

What country are you in op? I would really like to know!

Timetoask asks all the right questions.

It sounds highly dubious that you will receive financial support for choosing voluntarily to give up work. Even if you're eligible for this, there are a lot of downsides to it. You may find it extremely hard to get back into employment a year down the line, and what happens then when you lose the place in the flat because your year is up?

Also, just because you'll be with other young single mothers doesn't mean you'll necessarily have anything in common with them. Personally I'd rather keep my independence than move into some sort of communal arrangement. I'm not saying they are a bad thing necessarily- just that you have to be the right sort of person to enjoy it.

Also as timetoask says, until you have a child you don't know whether you're going to be able to cope with being with a baby all day. Many mums appreciate the variety of having a work life too.

Most of all though, I am interested in where you are, and also the quality of this university where you can take babies up to 1 year old along to classes!! I cant see how that works tbh. Any decent uni would provide nursery facilities so the baby can be properly cared for and the students can learn properly. Babies up to a year old can be very noisy, demanding, crawling, toddling ....

All sounds a bit dubious IMO- check out whether this set up is actually going to benefit you and your child in the long term

GypsyMoth · 03/12/2011 10:08

How odd!!

Which benefits would you get?

threefeethighandrising · 03/12/2011 10:12

I'm studying with a little one. It's not easy, but doable.

However regardless of the course I'd say take the chance to stay home with your little one. Time at home with your child when they are so young is so very precious.

callmemrs · 03/12/2011 12:02

Regardless of the course ? Hmm

Its worth considering but as I said, it all sounds a bit dubious. I think a university course where children up to 1 year come along to lectures is unfair on everyone. The children wont get the attention they deserve and the students cant focus properly on their studies.

It all sounds like there's a catch somewhere... A year of living with your costs paid for and free study thrown in while simultaneously looking after your child... And what happens when your year is up? You could find yourself out of the flat because your place is needed for the next mum of an under-one yr old, and you've given up your work as well.

Op - please enlighten us about where this is and what the uni course is

Almostfifty · 03/12/2011 13:47

I did it. I left work and went on benefits when our first was born. My husband was a student at the time, taking a Masters degree.

As soon as he finished his degree he went back to work and I came off benefits.

Because we did it that way my husband now has a job where he's paid a heck of a lot more tax and NI than he would have if we hadn't. I consider we've paid it back with bells on.

If there's no hidden agenda, I'd go for it.

marriedandwreathedinholly · 03/12/2011 13:48

I don't believe any of this. Single, youngish, studied childcare at uni already, living abroad where there is no maternity leave but a programme where you can give up work, live in single mother accommodation on full benefits and be funded throught a second university degree. You British and expat and your mother has moved out to keep you company because you need to stay there because you have a not very interesting or lucrative job. Hmm

Laquitar · 03/12/2011 14:04

Is this scheme run by the goverment?

Or by other organizations i.e. religious?

Proudnscary · 03/12/2011 14:08

I'm Hmm too

And I'm sorry I just can't help but say this. I went back to work when both mine were not quite six months old, because at that stage I couldn't afford to stay at home longer, and I would not have dreamed of claiming benefits unless I really needed to.

If everyone did what you're suggesting, the bloody economy would implode (yes I know it is anyway!).